I'm sorry abt my previous post. I duno wad came over mi... jz had e sudden urge to blast it all out... to all hu tagged... kudos to u all... still hurts quite a bit inside but feelin betta le... =)
im jz plain tired dis wk... nth much to blog abt... will haf more afta e 3 consecutive daes of ycf ba... hee~ lookin forward to it... ^_^Y...
It jz sux... it reli does... I've been havin these violent mood swings recently... been tinkin of her as well... i keep tellin others 'time will heal', 'dun wori la, u'll get tt ger u lyk de la'... m i bein a fukin hypocrite? i myself cant get myself to forget her, despite carryin a torch for her for... i duno... 4 yrs? i muz b e moz foolish person ard when it comes to affairs of e heart... i jz yearn for her... lyk wad McFly sings "she was all i thought about, the girl i couldn't live without..."... i reli cant live wifout her... i painfully cut the onli photo i haf of her and put it in my wallet... i promised her i'd b able to let go of her once i graduated frm ctss since i wldnt c or hear her... and now look wad's happenin... WAD IS WRONG WIF MI? SHE'D B SOOOO ANGRY IF SHE KNEW LA... i noe she onli wans to b platonic frens but my heart jz cant accept it... why m i even writin dis here? i tot i'd oreddy gotten over her... i dun c her i dun hear her i dun chat wif her online, esp since she doesnt haf e time nowadays... shldnt i b able to forget her since itz lidat? i dun even dare to msg her nowadays, for fear of disturbin her... tho she does reply back most of e times... i'm so angry, so hurt, so disappointed... yet i noe veri well itz nv gona b possible btw e 2 of us... im reli so veri willin to gif my everything for her... yet i noe she's nv gona reciprocate it... ARGH!!!
i choke back my tears... i muffle e breakin of my heart... i do my best to reach out to as mani as i can wif my big size, hopin to provide a nice comfy pillar to lean on when dey nid e support... im e bouncer afta all... but i guess i can do it no more... dey dun reli nid mi aniwae... i'm reli collapsing... my main support is already gone... my heart has already long shattered... so will i soon... so will i... ='( i jz wana blast it all out... vent it all out... cry it all out... im pathetic... im disgusting... im such a hypocrite... go ahead... tink wadeva u lyk... im tired of bein strong... bein sensible... bein wadeva i shld b... i cant alright? i cant... and i wont! my prob seems so insignificant to others... but im oreddy sufferin lyk dis... m i jz weak?
Should haf blogged abt dis in my previous post... but too excited abt initial d... hahaha... =p
went out wif jj band peeps on fri too... j1 batch and starion... went jp ljs... had a reli gr8 time chattin, laughin, gossiping and bitching wif dem man... tt's e gd thing abt bein in such a small band... itz so EASY TO BOND!!! OMG JJCSB ROX~! Tho i gort scolded by mom for bein so late wif her lunch... made her starve... felt shoooooo guilty...
den afta tt went hm for a while... slacked... den went to watch initial d wif 4d1'04!!! some ppl nv changed... at all... haha... esp clarence... still as much of a bastard as eva... but a nice one~ e gals were all mad over jay chou... and i still tink audrey has a japanese doll haircut!!! hahaha... den sq gave every1 who went a big hug, said he missed us sooooo much and said we forgot abt him cuz he went poly~ tok wad cock! we'll nv 4get 4d1'04 de la... esp mi... u guys gave mi soooo mani terrific memories to hold onto... reli miss u guys... wldnt mind goin thru o's one more time if i cld b wif u guys for one more yr...
Just watched Initial-D wif 4D1'04... Quite cool... Hahaha... Jay Chou acting quite gd lei... In e movie he portrayed dis kinda boyish look... He goes well wif a smile leh... Pity he puts on tt cool look most of e time... And btw... to all Jay Chou fans who pass by here, I'm onli posting my two cents' worth... pls dun get offended if i happen to sae sth offendin to u here hor... =P And dis post will b a bit of a spoiler to those who haven watched it yet.... so if u haven watched it and plan to... go away now... hahaha... =X
the show din haf a happy ending wif his love story... quite a refreshing change frm e usual fairy tales we see... get together... live happily eva afta... but e big prob abt dis movie ish tt it aint gort a plot... -_-'''... tho it does portray a diff perspective of jay chou altogether... huge diff frm wad we usually see...
still gort loads of hw waitin for mi.... still gort lotsa tests to study for... still veri worried tt i mite fail my gp test... and itz 30% of my eoy grade.... >.<... reli quite worried abt it... miss wun keeps tellin mi nt 2 wori... but i jz cant get over my own barrier... sigh... i dun wana retain... i dun wana lose my 4 subs~!
ARGH!!!!!! My blardy head is gona burst reli soon.... I hate my life now la~! GP test 2dae sucked lyk shit.... Didn't haf time to even write my conclusion... 5 marks gone... My 4th and 5 th pt of my essay outline were practically e same... there goes content... my compre wasnt all tt gd either.... my introduction wuz kinda crappy... im lyk WTF la... all this = FAIL!!!!! Wad is fukin wrong wif mi man... y cant i jz seem to score in my tests? m i reli tt fukin lousy? im reli scared i'll retain or be forced to drop one of my subs, which i reli dun wana... cuz i nid tt scholarship...
i'm reli super stressed up now la... lyk kar-el wld sae... 241 man... 241...
ARGH!!!
Writer was not in proper state of mind when writing. Please do forgive all obscene things written here.
Woohoo... Yesterday went for YCF training... Cldnt do much there tho... my asthma again... Den after tat went out makan wif my frens again lorz... Hee~ Went Lot 1 for dinner... Den the bunch wanted to play pool... Budden change to Tuesday le... Hahahaz... Den changed to arcade afta tt... Yay... Din noe i cld hit off so well wif roufang... Hee~ We both bishi bashi mad and bishi bashi pros.... wahahahaha... BHB~! But she definitely more pro den mi la... shen jing bing de... she reli creamed mi la... den we play and luff and scream and made all e ppl ard us tink we were siaoz... LOLZ... Not bad sia... Rare tt u find someone hu actualli lyks bishi bashi... Cuz loads of ppl tink itz lame and childish... but heck care! itz FUN!!!!
School's gona start in a wk's time... BUMMER!!! haven even finished half of my hw yet la... zZzZZzZZzz... GP test dis wk... Maths and chem test when sch reopens... Life stinks big time man... -_-'''
Today had ASD outing... Still managed to go despite mi nt feelin well... ^_^Y... But still had quite a gd time there... Games weren't too bad... Reli had a great day there... Haha... dun reli noe how to describe it, so onli a short paragraph here...
My mind's been thinkin too much again lately... Like Elizabeth said, some things are juz nt meant to b... and sometimes it reli makes mi accepts things more readily... even tho, in my heart, i still do feel kinda bitter and sad abt it... but i still do my best to accept it wif a smile... jz realised i cant reli take failures veri well... wheneva i fail i reli dwell on it for quite a bit of time...
Another thing i jz found tt i cant take veri well ish teasin, which i find hyper odd, considerin i've bin teased eva since i cld rmb, so i've bin tinkin all this while i shld haf gotten used to it and shldnt mind it animore but strangely enuff i still feel a bit hurt when teased... tho im quite ok when i make fun of myself... sigh... wad m i mutatin into? i feel so weird and scared of myself now... hahaha...
My asthma has bin actin up again... shant b able to dance at e rehearsal tml... sigh...
Project work oso seems to b gettin worse too... haiz....
Why muz i haf fever now? It peaked at 39.2 ytd.... Siao de... Missed the HQ3 daimokukai, missed ctsb band camp.... I'd betta get well soon... I dun wana miss my performance... Tho afta watchin the yuhua and rv combined alumni band perform i gort no face to perform liaoz... dey damn gd la... zzZzZzZzZzzzZzZZz....
Oh btw... To those who duno how to go to the auditorium for my concert... Here are some instructions... I can't haf dem ani clearer le....
1. Alight at City Hall MRT Station
2. Walk to Singapore Arts Museum. It's about 5 mins walk.
3. Find Waterloo Street. It's juz nxt to the museum.
4. Look for YMS Centre. The auditorium doesn't stare at u in the face, so do look out for the building first.
5. Walk to YMS Centre.
6. Go in.
7. Find me at the reception counter. =)
8. You're there.
To all those who haf tix wif dem, esp timothy, pls do go for my concert... Dun waste ur precious $5.... thx a lot guys...
Sigh... I duno wad or how to feel these days... Reli sooooooooooooo stressed up la... Mq, dun wori k? we'll all pray for u to continue comin for ycf...
It's nt tt i dun wana tag or i dun care... i do care... a lot more den wad u c on e surface... i jz wana tink abt how to help...
it's nt tt i dun wana do my hw... i do... ok im lyin... but hu wld wan to?
it's nt tt i dun wana turn up for ur concert... but i do haf my restrictions... esp in terms of $$$...
it's nt tt i dun wana agree wif u... nt tt i wana side wif anibody... jz tt i wana kip my frenships as dey r... jz tt i wana live wif and love my frens as we are rite now... ='(
it's nt tt i dun wana forget her... it's jz tt my heart refuses to do so k? WHATEVER!
these probs reli fill my head... fills it to itz burstin pt... hu else to talk to dem but myself? n ppl sae itz bad to talk to urself? i find it so relaxin and relieving sometimes... im e onli one hu can understand mi and even den, itz nt always... yet ironically.... i try to........
Feel like I'm losing my mind.... wun b surprised if i do.... lalala~... i still jz wana remain cheery and happy and bouncy...
Haiz... These days haf bin boring... Tim nt ard... nobody craps as well as him lei...
Alumni concert nxt wk... Thnx to all hu haf bot tix frm mi...
Gosh... im so bored i cant even type a decent entry...
Wth...
We Were Friends Once Before
We were friends once before
You thought that was all
But I wanted so much more
Unwittingly I showed you the poem
As I tried to act so solemn
You asked whom I desire
Your queries never tire
Reluctantly I gave my answer
Of whom I really admire
Much to your shock, disgrace and bother
Ever since we never talked
Out of our friendship you walked
Ever since we became apart
With you went my heart
All our friendship could do is stray
As you ignored me everyday
Which made me feel
If I should conceal
My love I should say
And wait for another day
But you asked so sincerely
To reveal my secrets so dearly
To say what is true
The one I love is you
But can you handle the fact
Because the same feeling you lack
As you treated me so cold
As I tried to be so bold
And now it seems the end
Of being EVEN your friend
But please girl, think about this
Of what I dearly miss
What damage have I done?
What mutiny have I won?
To make you hate so much
When I needed a friend as such
Have I hurt your pride?
Or some feelings reside?
Which rule I didn’t abide
It’s you who hurt me inside
Now I can only regret
My feelings out I let
And wait for Nature to set
Now there’s a guy in your life
Intending to make you his wife
What can I do but sigh?
As my dear friend passes me by
Not turning for a single look
Not a greeting you took
As I am left sadly behind
As memories clouded my mind
Of times we had together
Which I once hope were forever
But good things couldn’t last
Those things were now the past
Sliding down a single tear
Wishing you were near
Struggling so hard to cope
As I lost every one hope
Strangely I didn’t pretend
If you’re happy I’m content
I now wish you all the best
May your life with him be blessed
I know I’m just a pest
If I entered your fanatic fest
I’ll just stand away and cry
But if you’re happy so am I
Doesn’t matter now that you don’t care
Not a single grudge I’ll bear
As my feelings apart you tear
Times of hardship you didn’t share
And with that guy you pair
I’ll just wait for the feelings to wear
I now know why I’m not wanted
Why my hopes must be aborted
Of what seemed like an enigma
With a smile I left my dilemma
As I tried to act so brave
But thanks for the joys you gave
Though they were never meant to be
But it helped to make me see
What character was in me
And what a loser I turned out to be
Doesn't matter if you don't accept me
Doesn't matter if you don't see my way
Know that I'm always there
To hear what you say
Just give me a chance
To wait for you each day...
-Crixilver
Another poem by that senior of mine... And if some letters dun turn out right, dun blame mi... itz the blog's fault...
Been feeling dis way these couple of days... Is stress making mi act dis way? hahaha... mayb ba?
Celebrated lao da's belated bdae ytd... Was reli fun... we sabo lao da!!! smashed cake in his face... den we gave him a t-shirt and a bk on the fine feelings of love... was tt the title? cant reli rmb... but yea... we hope to attend his banquet soon... ^_^... You guys rox!!! Thnx for buyin all my tix!!! But buy le muz come hor... dun later all stand mi up and waste your money... hahaha... dun wori, i'll inform one of u on how to go to tt place... i wun forget... hee~
Didn't noe givin tuition wuz soooooo tiring... Teach for 5 hrs i rdy to b snatched away by my dreams le...... haha... but still managed to teach properly.... sky was late for an hr but nvm la... im a patient guy... ^^
Extremely high pile of work awaiting mi... Onli done a little bit of it... but cant b bothered... itz e hols and im gonna enjoy it to e fullest b4 i haf to adhere my nose to the grindstone again....
Finished my blog entry... Kinda bo liao actualli... Cuz i made my entry follow a certain pattern... see if u can spot it... itz afta e poem of coz... hahaha... tt's wad happens when ure super bored and bo liao and haf lotsa free time to dis kinda thing...
What Would It Take?
What would it take
What can I do
What will it make
To cease loving you
You are my heart
You are my life
You are every part
Of my every strife
What price would you say
I would gladly pay
To make you ever mine
Neglecting the forces of time
What can I do
To win your heart and you
What race would I race
To feel your embrace
When can I see
Your warmth in me
When can I feel
Your love every real
When can you know
That I really care
My life I would share
And I love you so
I'm not the best
Over the choice of the rest
I can’t even pass
The simplest of tests
But I just want you to know
That I love you so
My love for you
Is ever so true
It’s ok if you don't accept me
It’s ok if you don't see
But before you go up the altar
And say the big 'I do'
Know that there's a man
Behind loving you
- Crixilver
My senior wrote this when he was in sec 4... Nice huh? Suddenly felt like writing it out here... Sudden surge of emotions again, I suppose? Hahaha, oh well...
You noe... when dey sae u haf a crush on someone, you are usually the one getting crushed... makes sense? haha... duno wad's wrong wif mi now... sigh...
Celebrating lao da's belated bdae tml... Gona gif him free tix to my concert... but seems lyk rather a poor present lei... sigh... i'm a total sucker when it comes to presents la.... zZZzzZZzZzZz...
Can't believe I'm still thinking of her... How can I help others when I can't even help myself?
I guess he's the one doing it... Now he's gotten Cupid to fire all his old arrows back at me again... Wish he'd stop... I'm sure she wldn't b veri pleased abt it... Furthermore, Cupid's arrows take forever to pull out... Goodness, why is this happening to me? Guess what, I'm talking to myself again...If you find that you can't make head or tail of this post, dun worry... Jz bits and pieces of my emotions and feelings oozing out of mi at light speed and getting penned down here...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDY!!!!!!! Lolz, muz rmb to wish him b4 i forget... As usual, i can't gif anithin due to my severe shortage of pocket money... Soooooooo guilty...
Anyway, june hols r finally here... Finally can release my burden for a while, tho i still haf to pia dis hols but for now i jz wana relax... which is somethin i haven done since gdness noes when... sigh... im reli afraid of the coming tests... haven bin doin well at all recently... CDEF... Argh... JC life SUX BIG TIME..........
Chinese 'O' levels finally over... Congrats to all those takin o's dis yr for makin it this far... u still haf a few more mths to go b4 u can finally release ur burden permanently... jiayou ba!!!
