jz came back frm a tirin dae of hangin out wif windies... speakin of which... onli mi, shi ting, meng qing and vitya came out... wif lao da and josephine... haiz... yi hao's goin into army on 5th jan... so sad la... 3 daes b4 his bdae... poor thing... we had lunch at dis restaurant called 'changing appetites'... as usual, i stuffed myself and lao da forked out e bill himself... nxt time hueva his gf sure veri lucky de... anithin she likes he's sure to buy it for her... haha...

afta tt since we all had to go early i came home and rested for abt 2 hrs... yeah den went off to jaymie's hse for her enshrining of gohonzon... haha... told her to take of e panda and she put in a plastic case and placed it on e shelf in e livin room... she said her mom put it there cuz new year comin and e panda i gave her wuz wearin a chinese traditional costume... but in e end still told her to get it out and play wif it la... den she reli took it out and in e end e poor thing gort flung on e floor... haiz... nxt time dun buy soft toy for her liaoz... mi and a couple of others stayed on at her hse till 10+... stella and jianli arrived at 10 o'clock... lolz... gort lost... but din call... duno y... stella wuz carryin e bag i gave her... in e end left wif e rest of dem... jianli and stella stayed on... den mi, qs, his sister, rf, shawnrick, chris n kenny went off wif jaymie to e station... shawnrick wuz crappin wif kenny n rf... haha... shawnrick kept gettin suaned by us at jaymie's hse sia... e poor guy... haiz... =p

i reli nid to get a grip on myself... do mood swings nid to come tt often n violently? itz nt ez to haf to cope wif it so often... im monophobic... but i cant b wif a grp of ppl b4 i shoot my fcukin mouth off... mayb it'd b ezier if i jz turned invisible... m i jz bein paranoid? i seem to b able to see thru ppl's minds and read everthin dey're tinkin abt mi... n i dun lyk wad im seein... my fault...

i've gone back to being the microphone head, despite e gapin hole behind my head... can alr hear clarence luffin his ass off... but yeah... itz more coolin dis way... dun reli care abt wad others sae behind my back animore... itz always e same thing aniwae... i can almost see wad dey're tinkin underneath those scalps and strands of hair...

wish i cld go back to bein in e band fest... jz din get to noe dem well enuff at all... e games did everythin except wad dey shld haf done... spent most of it talkin to eng hong... haha... bonded even more closely wif jjc peeps... guess it wuz e lunches and walkin to e bus-stop tgt ba? but nt ez wor... nt wif all e gers ard u luggin their poor instruments home... =p... wish i cld haf bonded wif barnes band more... dey reli rocked!!! we rocked!!! BARNES ROCKED!!! hahaha... can still rmb darren sim's actions when playin hunchback... luff luff luff... and again... here's my section foto... pretty much e onli peeps i hanged ard wif (if u can consider tt hangin ard) apart frm jjc peeps... and jjc band peeps foto... as u can see... as jia wei, jason and lester weren't ard... im e onli guy...


now 10 mins past 12 le... MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! hahaha...

tml's mei ling's weddin... gotta get up sooooo early to go for her ceremony... but i shld la... she's a veri gd fren... congrats gal!!!

term reopening too soon... haven finish hols hw... hoo boy m i in for a blastin or wad... changin civics tutor, gp tutor, maths tutor n mayb phy tutor... sheesh... im comfy wif all of dem... muz we change? hate changes... mayb tt's y i chose nt to stay in ac... foolish of mi? nah... i bliv i made e right choice... =)... hey no offence against acsians hu read dis... im sure ac's a gr8 jc... jz tt i dun haf e gd fortune of studyin in it...

for newcomers to my blog, if u feel tt 80% of my blog ish incoherent, itz my style of writin... more often den nt, i blog my tots rather den my day's/week's activities... unless a special event has made an impact on my life, such as e band fest... ^_^

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

Almost a week has passed since e band fest... miss it like mad... wuz complainin quite a bit abt bein in barnes band cuz onli playin 3 pieces... but i now i take back my words... BARNES ROX!!!!! gort along quite well wif e band peeps there... tho i wuz e onli guy in 2nd flutes... yeah... but oh well... haha... reli enjoyed myself veri veri much... and here's a foto of my section...
yoz... big bunch of shuai ges and mei nus... well, mayb except for urs truly... haha... e rj gal on e rite looks a bit lyk yu xian... den yeah... all e guys r 1st flautists except mi... and e guy on e top left hand corner ish our oboist Gabriel... quite a gd player... den e cj gal in front ish our 'small thumbs'... haha... =P... speakin of which, e thumbs game is lyk e game of e band, which we played and laughed lyk mad b4 n durin e concert... hahaha... yong ting lost a lot of rounds but finally gort wise of it... haha... on e whole e band fest reli rocked super big time... wished it cld haf lasted longer tho... =(... but hey, at least we still keep in touch... u guys rox!!! WOOHOO!!! actualli still gort loads to write abt it... lazy la... haha...

as usual... a mountain-load of hw awaitin mi... always lyk dis isn't it?

yoz yoz... finally gort e mood to update on my trip to china le... wahahaha... so b prepared to read a super long entry...

Day 1
Woke up at like 3.30am? supposed 2 reach dere at lyk 5.15am... so yea... lugged my luggage out of e hse which i wun b seein for 10 days... reached changi airport on time... yadayadayada... took care of all e necessary logistics... bade my family gdbye, hugged my mom and dey went off... boarded e plane shortly after... 4 hr plane trip... no joke... airplane food is nt meant for human consumption... sheesh... afta landin in chengdu, collected our luggage and stepped out of e airport... immediately greeted by e cold weather there... put on my winter coat... quite ok afta tt... amazingly i tot tt wuz cold... apparently i wuz still ignorant of e chill Mother Nature had in store for mi over e nxt few days... went to e boardin domitory for overseas students... stayin onli for a nite... heng we gort 4th floor... tho e luggin of e luggage up e stairs ish a total bummer... our facilities quite gd... din noe my roommate veri well jz yet... so a bit awkward... haha... went to visit wu hou ci and jin li... veri veri veri veri veri veri veri veri veri veri veri veri veri veri veri veri veri veri veri veri angry at jin li... gort cheated of 100 rmb... haiz... suan le... afta tt went to haf steamboat at a supposedly vegetarian restaurant... but e soup wuz full of meat... real one... haha... we kept pullin up e chicken and fish... all e corpses... haha... but one sad thing i noticed... nth gd happened wif our experiences of havin steamboat... den finally went back to e dorm...

Day 2
dragged myself out of bed... afta breakfast, went to view a sch in chengdu... here's a preview of e sch...

dun b mistaken... itz nt 2 schools... itz 1 big sch... damn huge la... hahaha... looks foggy... cuz it is... both chengdu and xian loads of smog... and e ppl dere... 9 out of 10 smoke... does wonders of e lungs... attended a class... quite interestin... shld haf more sessions lyk dis... our breath condenses... haha... so our breath all fog up... afta lunch hurried back to e dorm to go off to take domestic flight to xian... HEYHO!!! dis time onli 1 hr... reached xian... met our frenly tour guides and headed to e hotel to unpack and attended e welcomin ceremony... dinner at xian ish a typical 10-course meal... 4 cold dishes and 6 or more main/hot dishes... over there itz gd to haf leftovers... means u've had a gd meal and ure full... means e host has provided u wif enuff la... u polish everythin off cleanly and e host feels guilty... haha... but no nid to wori... 2 much food for even mi to finish... BED!!!

Day 3
first day of lessons... quite ok la... gort slpy towards e end... e lecturer gort more n more excited as he talked and his handwritin gort nicer n nicer and boy did we haf a hell of a time figurin out his cao shu... his lesson b4 n afta lunch... sian diao... lolz... afta tt went shoppin... again veri angry... chenghao weizhong and chun kiat went off and dey bought so much gd gd gd stuff la... wah lao... sho envious... but i did get my jay chou album... original and cheap... 7 rmb onli hahaha... tt's lyk a dollar plus in singapore? ^_^Y den went back hotel to haf dinner, debrief and SLEEP!!! gongyo dere i onli do lyk 15 mins? reli no time and energy... excuses ba... but oh well... bleahx...

aiya type till here la... fingers veri tired le... and ure gd if u manage to read till here... haha... 7 more days to come...

afta seein tt... my heart sank... did i interpret it correctly? i hope nt... but so wad if i didn't? hahaha...

HEY GUYS!!!! I'M BACK FROM CHINA!!! phew... these 10 days reli jz went by in a flash... veri veri tired frm e trip... lost contact wif gakkai liaoz... muz get it back... bought loads of pressies... but nt every1 haf... veri sry... nt enuff space in luggage... =p

e food wuz gd... lodgin rox... service wuz excellent...

gort lyk pages upon pages to write abt dis 10 days experience... but reli veri lazy to do so... haha... tired la... jz came back frm band fest rehearsal a couple of hrs ago afta jz a few hrs of slp afta touchin down to singapore... update again later ba... ^_^

missed you...

hi peeps... i flyin off on mondae... so dun bother msgin or callin mi... back on 9th dec... 12:40 am... if ani kind soul is willin to send mi off, i haf 2 reach e airport by 5.15am =)... somehow dun feel lyk goin lei... missin e whole wk of ygms... missin ctsb gatherin... missin band fest rehearsal... missin my family... missin my frens... haiz... missin out on sooooooooooo mani things... wad 2 do... aiyo...

kenny wanted to join asd logistics for chingay 2006... duno if rachel brought him... shld haf la...

will bring gifts back... ^_^

gona miss u loads... but i guess e feelin aint mutual... oh well... haha... tc...

jz read some archie comics... read abt archie and betty... n it jz suddenly occurred to mi... y doesnt archie jz choose betty? jz my own opinion la... but i feel tt betty is such a much more nicer gal... ronnie jz seems more of a spoilt brat to mi... sure, ron's gort more chic and looks... but betty's way nicer on e inside... haha... reli super bo liao... to tink abt all dis... but hey... jz my two cents' worth...

mummy's gort a small growth next to her throat... somewhere there la... and she's gort fatty deposits in her liver... GOSH!!! nearly cried my eyes out when i heard tt... reli veri dangerous... e chinese physician's given her some magic (medicinal) powder to help remove it frm e liver... but takes time... reli muz pray she'll make a complete recovery... she's bin chanting a lot too... i noe i shldnt worry... but hey, itz natural k...

goin china on monday... reli dun wana leave her... considerin e condition she's in rite now... reli muz chant veri hard and pray tt she'll reli haf e lifeforce to reli fite dis... and im sure she has... hey, she's my mom after all... haha...

itz e little things in life tt reli touch u... dey may nt seem much... but dey mean much much more... ^_^

dreams... had one a couple of days back... but i guess it'l remain a dream... =)

suddenly felt lyk writin sth... nt a blog en3... but prose... budden decided against it... crappin wif van again now... great gal... always can crap wif her non-stop de...

today finally went to catch harry potter and the goblet of fire wif e others... quite a cool movie... but i wish it'd stick closer to e bk... so mani things cut off... haha... nv cld appreciate myrtle's "nearly all the bubbles had gone" by jz reading... onli 2dae when i saw e movie den i cld finally understand... hahahaha... for those hu haven watched it... shan't spoil it... impact wise... ok ba... but i still sae it wuz a gr8 movie... haha... katie leung's pretty cute... tho she onli appeared in lyk 4 scenes? and emma watson's gettin prettier too... e yule ball reli emphasised it... haha... okok... no nid to -.- at my entry... haha... hope e 5th one comes out soon... lolz...

i nid to work out... i nid to exercise... =S -.-

goin china nxt wk... gettin a bit of e jitters... hope i can return a day earlier to b in time for e first band fest rehearsal... >.<

wonder how you feel after watching it...

today wuz e asd frenship mtg... haiz... none out of e 4 frens i asked cld come... but de wei asked mi to tell him if we still gort dis kinda thing comin up... mite invite him to e youth gm... but i wun b in s'pore... haiz... played tong hua wif qi sheng... a lot of mistakes... haha... but still sounded nice... lolz... mei ming said she wuz inspired by mi to plae e flute... reli hope she will... ^_^...

afta tt went wif hui zi, geng li n boon han to makan at tm... i onli ate a packet of fries... surprisingly... haha... oso ate bh's fries... but yeah... guess e chicken rice for lunch... well... let's jz sae a bit too heavy on e rice le ba? hahaha... greedy as usual... talked a lot wif dem... went to dance para para at e arcade... hahaha... hui zi wuz amazed... den later went over to shop for a sweater for bh... mi n hui zi were teasin him lyk mad abt e colour... ^5 gal!!! but in e end he din buy la...

tml's rachel's gohonzon conferrment (did i spell it rite?)... shld i go? betta go la... otherwise she's nv gona forgive mi... lolz...

gave out all e tix for e band fest today to e gakkai peeps... surprisingly my section now wants to go... duno if i haf enuff tix or nt...

let go? i dun want to... and i dun tink i can either... unfortunately, i dun let go so easily... wish i cld... but i cant...

Suddenly after reading it... dunno lei... a whole horde of feelins jz came rushin in... woah... take it ez there... tt's as much as i can handle in such a short period of time... be it pain, laughter, sadness or excitement...

haiz... wanted to invite nai queen, andy and de wei to e frenship meetin dis sat de... nai queen goin out... andy gort odac kayaking course... cant get thru to de wei at all... nv chant enuff la...

hahaha... bored enuff to copy dis out... m i reduced to dis state le ma?

1. what is your favourite colour?
blue and white

2. what was your age 10 yrs ago?
7...............

3. fav bk?
harry potter... e whole series...

4. fav band?
clementi town symphonic band, jurong junior college symphonic band ^_^

5. fav food?
i eat practically everything edible...

6. fav drink?
coke light... emphasis on e light...

7. size?
er... DUH? if u noe mi wun u noe? haha...

8. hair?
er... a bit long now... farkin DM bitchin abt it le...

9. clothes?
more of white tees... like jeans...

10. yr job 10 years from now...
teaching... hope i still haf e zest to do so by den...

11. yr alarm clock?
my mom... haha...

12. listening to now?
Gui Ji...

13. last mood swing?
now...

14. last convo on msn?
wen hao

15. play any instruments?
flute (my first love)... piccolo (my second love)... xylophone marimba (my love-to-bes)...

16. frenster pals?
155... ^_^Y

17. last crush?
my bro... squashed him real bad

18. is yr room in a mess?
nt animore... wahahaha... all thnx to my mom and mi...

19. last time u cried?
er..... cant rmb...

20. last time u called some1?
an hr ago... tryin to get de wei to come for e asd frenship mtg...


yes... confirm guarantee + chop... im bored...

and hurt...

startin to wish i hadn't taken so mani tix for e band fest... i gotta pay for all of dem 1st... 25 tix... $275... well done... sold abt 17? i guess so...

2dae's band prac rocked... hahaha... we tried doin sectionals for band fest pieces... ended up playin phantom and shrek dance party... wen jun was smilin away when he heard we plaein shrek dance party... e Y.M.C.A. part all his melody la...

den went for e rehearsal for dis sat's asd frenship mtg... reli quite happy wif e results todae... e skit went pretty well... and altho e tong hua score has a blardy 6 sharps in it... but afta i scribbled down e notes it wuz pretty ok le la... hahaha... cheat ma... cun zai oso sounded gd too... ^_^... actualli cun zai wuz ezier... F major... onli one Bb... nt lyk tong hua F# major... but dey sae tong hua nicer... so tong hua lorz...

u wore tt top today... made mi quite happy... =)... still wish u cld come for it... boy m i selfish... hahaha...

jz came back frm s8 bbq... quite fun... tho i din reli enjoy myself to e maximum but yeah... still had fun... cant stand eunice's laughter... lolz...

tml gort e practice for e asd frenship mtg skit... elvin's hse again... haiyo... veri far lei... nvm... c if i can get choon huat to send mi back... otherwise gona take a super long time... and i dun fancy goin on tt trip alone... im afraid of bein alone... serious... itz a mental fear...

gona plae tong hua for e mtg too... gosh e piece gort 6 sharps... how e heck m i gona do it? oh well... for e sake of e mtg and all e new frens attendin... reli gotta buck up lorz... hahaha... wana bring mq and andy along for e mtg... muz chant a lot for dem la...

omg... lolz... din expect so mani ppl to b willin to go for e band fest... hope all e tix will b one long row... den all 11 of dem can sit tgt... woots... reli lookin forward to it...

argh... s2pid china trip... reli wanted to go for e ctsb bbq... but NO... thnx to dis china ednal trip i had to miss it... actualli i nt veri enthu abt it de lorz... suan le... sometimes gotta make sacrifices in life...

u can't come... nvm i can understand... but u can't expect mi nt to b disappointed... cuz i clearly am...

wish i cld to do sth abt my life... mummy's nt feelin well... nt as in sick... but her mood jz isnt rite... and she wun sae anithin... now i wish she'd scream n shout at mi... at least i'd noe she's normal... haiz... worry worry and worry...

i havent bin exactly concentratin during chantin either... esp jz now... kept tinkin and worryin abt a lot of things... things tt i care so much for... yet haf no control over... haiz... jz chant for e best of it ba...

once again... went to crap wif xiao mei ytd nite...

m i reli tt useless? ha...

band 2dae wuz quite fun... ^_^... gort quite a number of new and challenging pieces... quite fun... gort piccolo solo again... exciting!!!

haiz... i kip worryin for ppl... i pray tt dey wld b strong n brave... but how can i do tt if i myself m nt so? haha... feel so hypocritical...

y do u kip saein tt? r we not frens? do we not care?

Finally finished PW... later gona hand in my I&R... den itz bye bye and gd riddance to pw... my op rocked... reli hope i can get a band 1 for my pw...

talked a lot wif xiao mei ytd nite... e poor ger had to listen to so much of my crap... but thnx a lot gal... u reli helped mi see a lot of things frm a diff pt of view... sigh... i still haf much much more to learn... sigh...

my breathing problems have been wif mi for some days le... hope it goes off quickly... reli veri xin ku at times...

well... hope my hair comes back soon... blardy dm still wants to trouble mi over dis... dude... u noe wad im sufferin frm... so pls dun bug mi animore can? argh...

Me and kenny...

haha... miss dis guy a lot... gort to talk to him over msn la... but jz aint e same wif meetin him face to face... e guy taking his o's now... hey kar-el... if u read dis... gd luck for ur o's k? u can do it!!!

pls do come... it'll mean so much to mi... i noe i shldnt kip my hopes up... but... yeah... hope u'll come...

jz gort back frm kenshu... IT ROX!!! reli had quite a gd time... tho my nose wuz dribbling away lyk mad... haha... i tink e lectures and sharing parts i din reli pay tt much attention... it wuz e personal guidance and asd dialogue at nite n in e veri early mornin tt reli struck mi... i signed up for personal guidance and wuz super fortunate to get wan xiang... veri guilty... haha... spent abt 2 hrs talkin to him 1 to 1... but reli helped... cleared up a lot of things in my mind... and answered quite a number of qns i had in my mind... gort to noe him quite a bit more thru tt 2 hr dialogue wif him... best part of e entire kenshu for mi... hahaha... thnx a lot wan xiang!!!

as for e asd dialogue... oso a lot of things said n discussed... as usual... my nose dribbling away lyk mad... haha... sikang wuz talkin abt typhoon in taiwan den i kept sneezin and blowing my nose... so naturally... my flu became e 'typhoon'... den i had to kip goin to e first floor toilet to get tissue... tore out a super long piece la... roll into a ball and stuffed it in2 my jacket pocket... den every time i nid jz pull a bit out and tear... rachel saw it and wuz lyk o.0... den gort once i came up wif e tissue in my hands... den choon huat saw le den said "he's reloaded..." den everyone laughed at mi la... -_-''' den stephanie lent mi her vicks to apply... i brought it home wif mi la... 4got to return her... =p...

all in all... dis kenshu rox!!! but pw doesnt... BLEAHX...

glad you enjoyed yrself... =)... tt's all tt matters... tc loads...

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Had another tiring dae... Kenshukai planning coming along fine... haha... worked out e music wif crystal quite well... onli to haf jiayang cut in later... actualli his music quite nice too... but e one for scene 2 too nice for bad guys le la... hahaha...

afta e meetin went to eat wif mcvin, sikang, elvin, qing de, benny, rachel and qi sheng... mcvin tt bunch quite fun to b ard wif... but nt 2 often la... dun tink i can take it if itz long-term...

celebratin nai queen's bdae dis sun... a dae late but bo bian... sat quite a no. of windies cant make it... reli lookin 4ward to seein all those guys again... ^_^

sposed 2 b doin e s2pid op thingy now... but as usual... SLACKER!!!

gona go trainin dis hols... keep saein it... but no action yet so far... see how ba yeah? lolz... mcvin suggested gettin sikang to go train wif mi... yeah... mayb i shld... my stamina reli sux now... jz now danced ycf dance once onli panting away lyk mad...

i'm reli worried for u... yes you... maybe i'm starting to prove myself as much of a pest as he did before... i dunno... but wad i do noe is tt i love you... i love you from e deepest of my hearts... yet i see that i haf nt proven myself to earn yr trust... it hurts mi? of course it does... it hurts lyk mad... it wuz jz all wishful thinking on my part... i knew frm e start... jz refused to accept it... will my tears flow? yes... inwards... i'll pray for you... i reli will... pls b happy... i reli hope u will b happy... dun smile wif ur mouth... smile wif ur eyes and heart... i noe u'll b able to overcome all troubles and struggles tt come yr way... u haf e strength in u... jiayou...

how shld i post dis entry? oso duno... so mani things haf bin happenin dis few days... i've bin overwhelmed? i spose so... asthma actin up again... fcuk...

my stamina has finally reached rock bottom... i start to feel tired even when i climb stairs... ani1 willin to come run wif mi dis hols? i nid someone to discipline mi... HELP!!!

bought new hp... haha... belated bdae present frm my parents... nokia 3230... quite a nice hp... same as e one found in dis yr's ndp fun pack... tho of coz mine nt torch la...

had chinese 'AO' 2dae... sux lyk shit... gort an impendin feelin of doom tt'll i'll haf 2 retake... EEKS!!! pls jz lemme get my A1 or A2 and get it over wif... i wld seriously b super sad if i get a B3 and below... pls tolong dun let history repeat itself... gona hafta chant super duper hyper ultra hard... will reli cry if i dun get my A... my chinese all e while quite strong de la... my languages all e while haf bin pretty much ok... jz had to b dis once tt i had to do badly... ARGH!!! vanessa said it mite nt b tt bad... we'll see how... in abt 5 mths time yeah? in e time... to hell wif chinese...

playing second flute sux... can some kind soul gif mi my first flute for this band fest? i wan my melodies and high notes... :'(

life condition at an all time low... reli haf no energy to fight on animore... reli feel lyk jz throwin in e towel...

you can do it... i noe u can... i will be here for u... i always will be... my hand is always there... as long as u r willing to reach out for it... my shoulder is always there... as long as u r willing to lean on it...

Just got e posting for the band festival today. I playing in the Barnes band... Second flute... Dammit la... i wana plae 1st flute de lorz... hope some kind soul will b willin to change wif mi... but quite happy... finally gona plae challengin pieces again... hi ppl of good earth... tix r goin at $10 each... for stall seats... $15 for circle seats... peeps itz at esplanade concert hall... worth e money de... since itz esplanade... how often u pay tt measly price for a concert there? hahaha... peeps goin as a couple will get a special discount frm mi k? take it as an incentive to go... if u buy stall seats as a couple, i'll charge u $15 for 2 tix... if u buy circle seats, i'll charge u $20 for 2 tix... worth it rite? so shld u buy? OF COURSE muz buy... haha... so hurry while stocks last!!!

today went for appeal... after hearin wad mr chua said... ignts le... reli... haiz... jz hope i can take back my 4 subs... dammit...

hope you'll be there. it'll reli mean a lot to mi... i mean it... reli...

Can't take 4 subs animore... All cuz phy gort a fcuking E... i love my combi... tho i sae it sux most of e time... reli felt lyk cryin when ms wun told mi i had to consider droppin one sub... no doubt i'd love to kiss phy gdbye... gd riddance, i'd sae... but... sigh... i nid 4 sub for a gd scholarship... nt 2 mention a gd cca record and a gd testimonial, wif s papers...

today sth hilarious happened during bio lecture... ms wun wuz givin out e awards for e various classes... den when pui khuan went down to collect her prize and came up... a guy called robert frm s9 went down... dey met at e isle and robert suddenly slipped and fell and gripped onto pui khuan... lolz... e entire LT was lookin at dem la... den ms wun saw and her mouth open so big sia... den needless to sae... e entire LT went "wooooooooooo..." and poor pui khuan wuz teased e rest of e dae until she gort pissed... muriel oso veri bad sia... cuz s9 had maths tutorial nxt to us when we were havin ours... den when we came out... robert wuz wif his clz outside den she said so loudly "byyyyyeeeeeeee robert..." make pui khuan sho paiseh again... lolz...

still down in the dumps over dropping a sub... gona appeal... reli gona appeal... make sure i take back my 4 subs...

we can pull thru dis tgt... wait a min... we? =S

i'm veri happi todae... hahaha... ^_^Y =p

bin a bz wkend... pw sux... rushin abt lyk mad cuz of pw and stressin myself out... so i haf decided to slack... e others r gona kill mi... but heck care la... saw derry's gf's pics in his laptop... he reacted so violently... hahaha... but hey, im a nice guy... it'll b worse if rakesh, vishnu or worst of all, yi yi, saw it... derry's a goner by den... LOLZ...

den jz now went for asd core mtg... i tink im e earliest one home... gort lift frm kian chye... haha, thx dude!!! sposed 2 meet e others at hbf at 6 but i wuz 10 mins late... went of wif jiyang and james first... left qi sheng and rachel behind to wait for benny... reached vincent's hse le den finished my mac meal... haha... elvin c le den call benny to help him buy... msged rf to c if she comin... den she said debrah gave her e wrong timing... den no1 meet her she duno how 2 go... in e end went down to meet her and bring her up... she down wif flu n cough... den she gd la... durin e meetin still eat 3 packets of m&m's... haiz... den durin meetin e whole grp wuz luffin at choon huat's age... kian chye sit at e side veri quiet... heng he nv kena... he same age as choon huat but nv kena cuz he veri quiet 2dae... smart sia...

wkend wuz fruitful... but veri tired...

i'm veri happi todae... hahaha... ^_^Y =p

jz feel veri sad all of a sudden... ish benjamin losin interest and passion for band? last band prac he din wana come... tml's band prac he said gort bio olympiad trainin... ok... and band fest how? i mean... he's a new member afta all... he's gort e standard of a new sec 1... yet i cant teach him like a sec 1, neither can i teach him at e pace i teach a sec 1... and now he's reluctant to come for band prac... do i terrorise ppl tt badly to e extent tt dey lose interest in band? i noe im strict in sectionals and i seldom smile n all tt... but tt's e way i conduct my sectionals and i usually get my pt driven across... i reli jz wana help him... but he's reli makin things veri difficult for mi...

tml's gona b a bz dae... afta sch nid to go for NSC's appt... den nid to come back for band... afta tt gotta rush off for e concert... rushin abt lyk mad... but gona enjoy myself... haha...

charis din come ytd... hahaha... clz bonding time again... gort out e 2 laptops... wister's n zc's... GB!!! hahaha... mite sound lame... but itz quite fun... i beat wister and david FLAT... lalala~ long time nv plae le still haven lost my touch... nt bad nt bad... haha... BHB~!

look dude... no doubt i may appear lyk a senseless fat guy but i still haf feelins de k... jz cuz u tink u dun sae it doesnt mean i wun feel it... on e contrary i feel it even more strongly... =S yes i can feel it... esp when u dun express it dumbass...

i love you... i can't and won't deny it... itz jz so deeply entrenched inside mi... sadly, u're so near yet so far...

bought 'eldest' a couple of daes ago... provin to b quite a gd read... wonder if yvonne's bot e bk... haha... she loves eragon... dis time eldest she's sure to buy it...

had a long face-to-face chat wif sky todae... as usual... i did most of e talkin... haiz... haha... but nt bad la... he saes he rulz daytona... muz go learn frm him afta his o's... promised him a discount on tix if he managed to ask eileen out for e band festival... ganbatte!!!

not tinkin of u everyday has bcom an impossible task... dun u get tired of flittin across my mind lyk every other min of e day? i noe u'll nv b mine... but pls at least continue to b my fren... n jz let mi love u silently deep down inside... it'll hurt... but tt's e best way i see without u havin to realise, to ur utmost horror, tt i love u...

gona b a short entry dis time. quite late le. went out wif my family ytd. plannin to get new hp. nokia 7270 appeals to mi. ^_^. went for asd mtg. rain wuz terrible. took umbrellas out for rach, bh and rf dey all. drenched pants down. james ish a nice person to tok to. veri chatty, haha. =D

afta mtg went wif rach to jp to meet zb... had loadsa fun... talked and talked and talked... nice catchin up wif zb again... haven seen e dude since asd outin... afta tt went tgt to buy zb's present n rach's new hp pouch... hardly ani reli suited her... but still found one in e end... haha... den went arcade... IT ROX!!! zb ruled e initial d... i thrashed e para para... zb's gd at bishi bashi too... beat him in a couple of games... he beat mi in a couple... gona haf 2 win him b4 i can tink of beatin rf... rach played bishi bashi wif us... but onli watched e initial d and para and laughed... hahaha...

sposed to b a short entry. haha.

is this wad band does to u? everyday when i go out or m jz doin nth in particular, i can b doin 1 of 2 things... one, my mind can b tinkin of sth... anithin... reli... it can jz wander far n wide n i can jz sit n stone until i noe i haf 2 do sth else... two, my mind turns to player mode and it starts playin all e music i've heard in my life... can b anithin... rangin frm a flute solo to a duet to jay chou to phantom of e opera... no nid mp3 player or walkman... haha... jz sit dere n let e melodies n tunes churn demselves out... im at peace wif e world...

band resumin dis wk... cant wait... reli miss those guys... band rox my world!!!

today's chi rox la... sat beside kenneth in e last row and he wuz crackin all those lame but still farnie jokes thruout e entire lesson... laughed until my asthma nearly came up again... den my chi tchr read chu long's essay n he himself wuz smilin n luffin while readin e essay... woots... haha... s8 rox la... pity we exist in cliques nt as an entire clz...

gort back gp today... paper 1 31.5/50... paper 2 26.5/50... total 58/100... sux lyk shit la... but quite pleased wif my paper 1... still managed to get dis score... nt too bad le la... jz nid to improve on my pts n structure ba...

if i were to die tomorrrow... my greatest regret would be that i nv told u how i felt abt u... but i noe veri well... u're out of my league... but u're still e ger i cant live without...

bin chattin loads wif vanessa ytd... n chattin wif her again now... bin so nice to jz talk and talk and talk lyk we used to... haha... gr8 feelin...

sposed to do outline of op for shankar by tml... looks lyk itz jz gona b blank... sianz... lost my momentum for serious work afta promos ended... reli jz feel lyk slackin totalli rite now...

reli hope i can do well if i can take my 4 subs again nxt yr... muz work reli hard... jc life is terrible... dun wana get results lyk DEAD ever ever again... jolly well get betta results frm now on...

looked at chem promo paper... heng i nv take... hahaha =p

life's pretty slack now... bio spa screwed up a bit... but betta den my previous one... come to tink of it... my first 3 spas for each sci haf bin quite screwed... but oh well... cant do anithin abt it can i? jz make sure my future spas do a lot betta...

feel lyk cryin all of a sudden... wad's wrong wif mi?

not thinking of you everyday has already become an impossible task... so near yet so far... torture all right...

Jz gort back frm celebratin mr chiang's bdae... 4D1'04 ROX MY WORLD TOTALLY!!! missed u guys so so much and 2dae even tho we din do much, i still reli enjoyed myself... we reli jz slacked ard n had dinner tgt at sumoya (gosh tt place brings back memories) but still, itz e company tt counts... afta tt went home wif yi yi and jie sheng... but yi yi gort off at je... js took 242 wif mi... haha... thnx a lot dude... appreciate e company... talked a lot... mainly abt him n cheng joo... lolz... us guys oso were teasin n askin him lotsa things abt how it happened... >.<... so envious sia... tt devilish smile he sometimes has... LOLZ!!!

b4 tt had briefin abt China OUAP... sianz... we comin back a dae late for band fest rehearsal... tt means all e gd old intro and stuff over... mayb pickin of solos and duets oso gone... i wana plae!!! haha... BHB~! but reli... if i gort e chance to plae a solo in esplanade concert hall... *eyes mist over... im reli veri veri excited abt dis band fest... much more excited den i m for dis OUAP... goes to show how much i love band n my wife and mistress... my tone now sux lyk shit la... esp on my piccolo... nv plae my darlin for so long liaoz... till now starion still haven return mi... win liao lorz...

bio spa nxt wk... urgh... but life rox now... esp since promos are over...

thinking of you... pleasant torture...

Today's my big day!!! hahaha... thnx to all hu remembered and haf sent mi their well wishes and greetings... haha... shant name u guys here... dun wana miss out ani1... cant sae thnx enuff times... reli appreciate it guys... touched...

all e same... itz reli super shitty to haf to study n mug on yr bdae!!! tml phy paper la... oso e end of my promos... mite b e end of my life too... duno... haha... still haven finish muggin... despite havin chem exemption... yi yi jz now still call mi to waste my time... well, now im still wastin my time... haha...

oh well... we'll see wad happens tml...

Maths was completely shitty... cant b blamed... i din study... but reli veri tedious... y do i always end up lyk dis for maths? i reli wana do veri well for my promos... now left onli phy... i reli wana jz pia for promos... i reli wana take back my 4 subs nxt yr... take my chem s paper... i luv chem... my mom tell mi nt to lose heart... geng li oso encouraged mi a lot ytd nite on e way to e mrt station and on e mrt... he reli talked and talked and talked a lot for such a long time... haha... but i reli appreciate it loads... geng li if u read dis thnx a lot for yr help... reli reli reli appreciate it... i will work!!! i will do my best for dis comin hols... siaoz la... obviously i nt gona try veri hard... hols ma... as long can kip my 4 subs den will slack... always lidat de... hate myself...

nitemare... haiz... i lyk doin parametric eqns... den pian pian 2dae duno how 2 do... f***... tt's y i dun lyk discussin e ans afta e paper... cuz i noe sure gort a lot of qns i gort wrong... n itz usually cuz of e s2pid s2pid careless mistakes... ARGH!!! and sometimes itz nt i duno how 2 do lorz... den will demoralise mi... den no more gung-ho spirit for e upcomin papers le...

talkin to lao da now... veri worried... haiz... y m i such a worrywart? but i haf cause to worry... cuz im nt disciplined enuff to whip myself into studyin... kip havin dis mindset... hu's gona gif a shit abt whether ure gona noe wad ish e sum of e arithmetic series in e future? hu's gona care if e ball retains itz kinetic energy afta collidin wif another ball? hu's gona care abt sin cos and tan animore? reli muz change my way of tinkin... strugglin lyk mad wif myself...

happy bdae clement!!! n early happy bdae to shawnrick!!!

Sigh... reli worried 2dae... nt abt promos... promos can go ter hell i dun gif a shit... haiz... my mom la... her forehead nowadays lyk foreva creased... i noe she's worried abt e family... wish i cld do my part too... i reli wana help... well i kip tellin myself there's a lot i can do... first of which i can cut down on my big appetite... now i jz wana concentrate on my 4 subs and get tt scholarship... it'll reli b a big load off their shoulders if and when i get it... uni ish sho blardy ex... itz all abt money these daes... my mom told mi dey set aside some money... but i tink i've said it countless times here... onli enuff for one kid... i muz tink of my bro... sigh y m i tinkin of dis... my bro had betta pull up his socks!!! dun make mi go thru dis hell for nth... jc life sux... 4 subs sux...

wish my hair wld grow back quickly... DCP treatment ish reli ex... as if e load my dad has to carry isnt big enuff... my bad karma... bleahx... muz haf done a lot of bad deeds in my past life...

gp todae sux... passages on hate... s2pid la... gay sposed 2 mean calm... and e f-ing aq wuz sposed to b ez... accordin to charis... suddenly gort e insane urge to slap her... y? she's e setter... essay quite ok tho... 5 and 1/2 pgs worth wifout leavin lines... woots... chinese wuz quite ok... i guess...

bio tml... hope im prepared enuff...

wish you were here by my side... i'd haf a lot more strength to go thru it... mayb im jz weak... haha... tt muz b it...

It hurts... it reli hurts lyk mad... nt e heart dis time... e head... and e finger... my index finger bleed... now hurtin lyk siao... how to go for gp on thurs? havin throbbin headache now...

Written report torture is finally gonna end tml... i jolly well betta get my band 1 for dis... nt worth e trouble...

i feel rdy... yet nt... i noe my stuff... yet i dun... jz lyk jj said... e more i read... e more i noe i duno... talk abt irony...

yearn for band to repoen... miss my wife... and mistress... mistress still wif Starion... when's he gonna return mi?

promos... e worst thing to eva happen to a jc 1 student... apart frm spa...

hu said my heart ain't hurtin... itz hurtin all right... cuz i noe it aint nv gona work out...

Today ROX!!! hahaha... reli did a lot of work today... went wif nai queen to syc library to study... met min ling n val dere... e others came much later (as usual)... den i had a great time teachin nai queen todae... teachin reli is e path for mi... ^_^Y...

a lot of ppl came todae!!! and i mean a lot... even e long lost mia ppl oso came... ppl lyk jj, weide came... haha... den we made a hell lot of noise and reli enjoyed ourselves while studyin... one of e best daes so far... hee~! den we kept teasin jj and xiao mei... reli had a gr8 time today... den we went off for dinner... again another gr8 time... had loadsa fun talkin and teasin and laughin... din get mq to chant... but will do my bez to shakubuku her... missed her loads...

den surprisingly today durin evenin gongyo i reli had a veri strong momentum to kip mi chantin... pc kept blockin my view of e Gohonzon... hahaha...

study break over e nxt 3 daes... reli gona utilise dem properly...

YAY!!! finally itz e end of e wk... dis wk has bin a torturous n murderous one for mi sia... reli veri veri tired... den 2dae pon maths mock promos... haha... 2dae's phy lecture rox la!!! mr kwok showed us dis super hyper ultra mega farnie mtv la... woots... i ain't got no belly button... laughed and laughed and laughed... hope i can get him to send it to mi... reli jz rox totalli la... LOLZ... cant help laughin till even now...

promos r reli comin ard e corner... i tot i had confidence in phy... obviously, i wuz wrong... but 2dae's lecture examples i cld understand dem quite well lei... sianz... i reli wana do veri well for my phy dis time...

muz mug for bio durin e study break... cant afford to lag... sigh... so much to do in so little time... guess im enjoyin e fruits of procastination now eh?

saw quite a diff side of mdm tay todae... din reli expect her to haf a side lidat... tho i did noe tt she's quite a formidable woman... she wasnt fierce la... jz somehow gort a bit disturbed at wad she suddenly said in clz todae... but i still tink and noe she's a gr8 tchr... assignment on alkanes and alkenes gort 10/10... ^_^Y bleahx... BHB~!

S8 ROX!!! hahaha... every time gort bad thing or cheeky thing we wana do we always do and luff together de..., lyk today pon maths promos oso moz of e clz pon tgt... i luv u S8!!! hahaha... except wister i guess... e expression he displays every time jz f-ing pisses mi off... but oh well... shall hold my peace...

wonder if sinyee will come back to band for band fest... tt is if she can still make it in time... she wun haf lagged behind much... benjamin jz hasn't bin workin hard for e past wks when band hadn't terminated for promos... so she wun haf lagged much... reli veri irritatin u noe... he'll jz slack or talk wif linda... used 2 b so hardworkin... sianz... im tryin to teach u pal... so tt u dun sia suay yrself at e band fest... so if u do... dun sae i din try to teach u... i'll gif u another chance afta e promos... u'd betta focus dis time... otherwise itz u hu's gona suffer... i noe im strict and fierce durin sectionals... tt's my style of conductin... u gotta get used to it... diff conductors use diff styles... tt's mine... and dun whine or complain when i sae u muz do sth... u betta do it if u wana b able to plae properly... >=(

lolz... suddenly mood swing... but cant help it... reli quite pissed off wif him... haiz... go off for now la... promos rush...

Sigh... itz bin promos pw and nth but promos and pw these past few daes... i tink e written report is quite fine le la... except for e 'slightly' plagarised parts... i'd luv to c e examiner's face when he/she sees wad we did for our project... spider silk condoms... LOLZ... generation of ideas EE le... hahaha... but i reli quite worried tho... e research part... >.<... im reli scared we lack e research... reli... my survey oreddy takes up 40% of e report le... hahaha... seems lyk i've bin doin nth BUT e survey for this entire pw... all tt analysis... sheesh... den oso do survey for EoM... gona do survey for OP too... GOSH!!! haha... but can't help it... my part of e project...

promos r comin along rather well... surprisingly... i can grasp my physics concepts le... maths oso comin along well... i noe quite a number of words for chinese... gp oso scored one of e highest for essay writin in e clz... tho nt gd la... onli 30/50... a B4... haha... quite surprised charis wuz willin to gif mi tt score... my content wuz kinda shitty... now onli left bio... veri scared i cant memorise all tt stuff in time... one wk left... shld b enuff? but i oreddy lyk bio... and i did quite a bit of memorisin for common test... or did i? hahaha... if i did i wldnt haf done so badly... heng i gort exempted frm chem... otherwise i reli duno how 2 cope le...

bin doin quite a bit of thinkin recently... and listenin to jay chou's songs a lot too... duno y... sudden jay frenzy... but i reli quite like his slow songs... cuz for once i can actualli figure out wad he's singin in dem...

jz wrote a chinese essay in clz... i duno y... every time if i can tweak e narrative title... i will usually write love stories... shen jing bing... mayb nt... more of expressin wad i c in my mind's eye... ie my fantasies... how i wld wan or nt wan a love story to unfold and fold... surprisingly i've bin scorin... but tt wuz in sec sch... now in jc... well... we shall see... gdness noes y im typin dis here... nth to write le har? mayb ba... but hey... tt's it wif mi... my blog is jz a place for mi to type all my random thots and feelins... events... mayb... as and when i feel lyk it lorz... but otherwise seldom la hor? lolz... m i tokin to myself?

tt's another bad habit (is it?) i haf... i reli tend to tok to myself at times... duno y... jz enjoy it sometimes... when no1's ard u... u got sth to sae... jz sae it to yrself... quite interestin to hear yrself tok sometimes... jz tok yr heart out... no1 ain't gona listen... but it feels gd aftawards... u mite even haf a different view of sth... u jz nv noe wad u can get out of it... ^_^ but pls... do it when no1's ard... otherwise ppl r gona tink ure siao... which is wad ure probably tinkin of mi now... hahaha...

haven done my AJ prelims paper summary and aq... charis gona murder mi i spose... but yeah... i've more or less thrashed out my paper 1 le... now left paper 2 lorz... muz do well... but hey, since when has compre bin my strong pt? hahaha... now gort aq to bog mi down further... woots...

Bin tinkin... will it eva b possible... irks u to tink of it... yet i can't live without it... but i guess i'll have to... i dun reli haf a choice do i? =)) jiayou...

Yesterday went for Choon Huat's wedding ceremony... nt bad sia... his wife veri chio sia... den we rox la... all e guys wear formal... den all look quite gd... esp teck koon... exceptionally shuai... my darling xiao mei oso... yes... im saein she look shuai... what she wore n e way she wear it reli looks damn gd on her la... but yeah... doesnt make her look pretty... makes her look shuai... lolz...

den afta e ceremony went outside to rot, take pics and chat... valerie's gettin married on jan 1st!!! wahahaha... lolz... she smart ar... chose a date when every1 sure free to go... but reli veri hapi for her... =)) lolz... now gort two ppl to pressure lao da wif liaoz... LOLZ!!! lao da if u read dis hor... muz get e hint lei... hurry up go find gf... cannot find nvm... tell e windies, we go help u source out k? hahaha... im mad...

but sad thing came near e end of e day... all my stupid fault la... sae wad go arcade slack... in e end hai xiao mei's hp n money gort stolen... damn guilty la.... first time i c her cry until sho shang xin... i oso feel veri shang xin... =(( she sae she dun blame mi at all... but cant help blamin myself lorz... dui bu qi hor xiao mei... liu jie de cuo...

wonder if those two...

y can't i jz seem 2 get a move on wif my revision? i noe damn well my promos start in less den 2 wks but i jz cant get my arse movin to put in some gd old elbow grease... sianz... probably do badly again... but CANNOT! muz haf confidence in myself and Gohonzon... i will score my A's dis time... wun let myself down... wun let Gohonzon down... i will do it...

my scalp's bin itchin lyk mad again... wonders of medication... reli hope it grows back completely soon... reli wana change dis bad karma of mine...

haha, today charis din come... had quite a lot of fun in her clz today... wister, chio bu, mi, chee kiat, david and kelvin were plaein gb... haha... gb's gort a new look... din noe... too long nv touch it le... had quite a lot of fun... s2pid chio bu bunge my knight... nooooooo... e other grp of guys were slidin each other at e back of e clz... haha... let's jz sae 2hrs wasn't enough considering e fun we were havin... S8 ROX!!!

i tink im dead... haha...

Dun read dis... u wun lyk it... author nt in a gd mood or mentally sane when he wrote dis... so if u still wana read it... proceed at ur own risk...

If it's nt one thing it's e other... if itz nt e fucking revision, its e damned hair... if its nt e mood swings, its e binges... wad a gr8 life...

tryin my best to do my phy revision... but apparently, if i can b typin dis out, u'd noe tt i've failed... and more den 5 times a dae im reminded of tt fucking big bald patch behind mi... u tink i want tt? u tink i dun wan my hair cut short? u tink i dun wana haf a slope? u tink i dun wana look lyk ani other normal guy on e street? YES I DO DAMMIT!!! so fucking PISS OFF abt askin mi to cut short my hair BCOZ I CANT!!! and now doin my physics... out of 20 MCQs, i get 11 wrong... woohoo if tt happens for my promos... wld b my greatest joy now to drop physics... but can i? again I CAN'T!!! Bought a reference bk... soln bk la... mcq helps... yea rite... so much for helpin... im still an idiot when it comes to physics... aRgH~!

den there's my mood swings... all it takes is a simple wrong ans in one of my qns and i cant figure out e damn answer and my mood swings to e other end faster than e speed of light... start beatin myself up... grrrrr... afta tt itz usually followed by a binge... i turn out wadeva i can find in e kitchen and start stuffin my face!!! ie i get fatter... and fatter... and fatter... which den makes mi more frustrated and irritated wif myself... makin mi hate myself more and more... ---> vicious cycle... ani1 unfortunate enuff to get in my way when im in my 'bull' moods get trampled on viciously and mercilessly... afta which afta i cooled down i feel lyk cryin buckets... which i always fail to do... e tears jz rise until dey form a painful ump in my throat and gets stuck there till e feelin goes away...

m i jz wallowing away in self-pity... mayb... but one has his limits too... problems shld jz bounce off mi dun dey? wish dey wld... jz lyk yew hien said... u stretch urself to e maximum... den u snap... im reachin e snappin limit too soon...

A large iceberg floating on the endless sea... a block of ice suddenly just chips off and drifts off on its own... it doesn't want to do tt... but the currents pushing the iceberg just breaks it off... causing it to drift along the endless sea... slowly, it melts... and melts... and melts... and soon blends in together with the water... indiscernible from the sea water around it...

Funny how i can sometimes jz anihow tink of such things... haha... tt's wad comes out of a sick mind i suppose? hahaha...

Cant take my mind off e band festival on 12th Dec... reli veri excited abt it... Huimin sae she comin back to flute for dis festival... lolz... she starting to lose touch liaoz... wonder if she can do enough hardcore training in time for the festival wif jz 1-2 mths worth of practice... lolz... im reli excited... bin such a long time since i experienced playin in a large band... jjcsb reli is veri small... but gort itz own gd pts... can bond quite easily wif e ppl there, tho nt wif my own section... pity.... ben and linda... oh well... both frm S5, so i spose dey always haf plenty to talk abt... but im their section leader... surely they can gif mi a little respect? sigh... mayb i jz a bad sl... but i surprisingly can get along veri well wif hui qin... clarinettist ma... sit nxt to mi... den she wuz horrifed the other dae she said she cldnt plae e high notes animore, cuz long time nv plae... hahaha... reli lorz, her high notes sounds lyk saxophone, so bright... but we can reli get along veri well... lolz... but she veri bubbly la... so np... lester's another one... big flirt but a nice guy... plays e saxophone damn well la... compared to my shitty standard... haiz... budden he's frm acs i, so i spose e flirtatiousness can b understood la hor? (STEROTYPING!!!) but yea... he is flirtatious... e way i c it... lalala... JJCSB ROX!!! but back to wad i wuz saein... miss plaein in a big band... e sound... e atmosphere... reli melts my heart... reli feel tt im gona gain LOADS AND LOADS frm dis comin experience... lalala... plus i goin NIE to practise... so can familiarise myself wif e surroundings there first b4 i decide whether or nt to step in there... but most likely i will b lorz... reli luv e idea of teachin... experience oso pts mi in tt direction... so i reli m veri excited abt dis comin band festival... at esplanade concert hall somemore... first time goin in there officially... keepin fingers crossed... one thing tho... i've bin plaein flute all dis while... haven touched my piccolo for such a long time le lei... starion!!! when u returnin my piccolo!!! i nid to practise... zzzzz...

shld b piaing promos now... but as usual... haiz... haha... =p

Suddenly gort e urge to blog... haha... bin havin violent mod swings again recently... the hardcore revision i gotta do aint helpin... neither is e stress... nor is e heart... seein some things happen ard mi jz dun help... i've nv bin successful when it comes to the matters of e heart, so i jz let it go la... if it wans to plague my heart, jz let it be ba... if it wans to love... let it b.. if it wans to feel dis terrible, let it b... i cant do much abt it aniwae yea? nv haf bin able to aniwae... jz when i've let go of elizabeth, and the emptiness inside is finally healing up, it had to b brutally torn open again... and i squirm at the thought of it havin to take another 4 yrs to heal... sigh...

he's back... doesnt always show himself in front of mi of coz... he doesnt nid to... i can feel his presence ard mi onli too clearly... monophobia is sinkin in again... he's billowing out his cloak again... beckonin mi into it... beckonin mi into e endless vortex swirling, turnin and churnin inside his cloak, jz waitin to suck mi into it and trap mi there... tt sulphurous smell of him appearin always strikes fear in my heart... jz when i tot i've finally gotten rid of him... jz when i tot he'd jz b a thing of my past... jz when i tot i'd b truly happy again... all dis had to happen... tt evil smile he flashes... tt evil smell tt hangs ard him... get him out of my mind... he's destroyin everythin inside... includin my sanity... how long can i hold out? elizabeth's advice had always bin to embrace ani experience tt comes my way and learn from it... well, hu wldnt? mental torture...

Finally gort my com fixed... Kudos to sq (as usual) hahaha...

My hair's itchin lyk mad... thx to e medication... stimulatin my hair to grow... but e itch is reli one kind of a terrible... cant scratch it... cant touch it... can onli wash off e medication tml... ARGH~! itz torture... sheer torture... but for e sake of my hair... I WILL BEAR WIF IT~!

Promos ard e corner... slackin as usual... jz cant seem 2 push myself to do work... but i reli wana do well... well, nt reli nv do work la... gort do la... but at my rate, itz reli minimal...

JJCSB participatin in band fiesta at e end of e yr~! dis time at esplanade concert hall wor~! dun plae plae sia... wahaha... tix wun b cheap tho... but im sure e experience wld b a gr8 one for sure... haha...

y haf i lost my vigour? reli wana pia for promos... but itz bin all talk no work so far... barely left 2 wks... can i finish in time? highly doubt so... muz chant for e wisdom la... reli...

asthma bin actin up again... sianz...

Listening to 'Two Worlds' from Tarzan now... haha andrew jz sent mi... rox la... same version as wad ctsb played... but of coz sounds miles betta... LOLZ... finished liaoz... now listenin to doraemon... i nt childish k... jz reliving my childhood... xiao ding dang~! haha...

here r my grades for term 2 and term 3 combined...
Biology: D
Physics: E
Chemistry: A
Maths C: D
looks lyk a familiar word doesn't it? DEAD~! gohonzon is signallin to mi liaoz... muz pia veri veri hard for promos...

You're reli startin to fukin piss mi off... get off... or else... jz cuz i dun usually react doesnt mean i wun... class rep big la... can go ard criticisin and luffin at ppl la... wait till u get a taste of ur own medicine adminstered sharply... den u'll reli noe the meanin of pain... and no1 will haf 2 do it... u will eventually feed urself wif it... jz u watch... grrrrrr...

goin debrah's hse dis fri for zadankai... wonder how it'll b... debrah said e speaker's gona b gd...

goin sp band concert dis thurs... ys jj and zq goin oso... hu else har? it'd betta b gd... but sp band standard quite high... so shld b gd la... lolz... wonder if ??? is goin... =p

Haha, jz realised how i shld revise for bio... I muz teach it... tot stella wad i knew abt dna and e central dogma processes... now i haf quite a clear cut idea abt wad it is liaoz wor... yeah~!

Now muz pia bio, phy and maths liaoz... i noe i can do it... now tt i dun haf chem to wori abt... EXEMPTED!!! haha... i reli hope mdm tay will recommend mi to do 'S' paper... i desperately nid to do chem s paper... tgt wif another sci de s paper... hopefully bio... but mi frens all sae bio s paper veri diff... but i nid to do my s papers... otherwise how to get scholarship? i sound veri ambitious i noe... but i aint gort a choice... my parents reli cant afford to send 2 children to uni... one can la... but reli gotta tink of my bro...

haha... wuz tinkin of e first few daes spent in jj... i tink it wuz afta orientation ba... we ctss guys went over to nearby mac to stuff our faces afta orientation camp... had loadsa fun at camp... den jie sheng initially wuz tinkin of goin poly... but changed his mind afta goin thru camp... lolz... lucky he did... otherwise he and cj wld nv haf found each other... do i sense a tinge of envy? yes i guess im kinda envious... hee~ wadeva!!! now's nt e time to tink of dis kinda thing... promos... promos... promos... itz time to work my guts out... and how ironic... today had sexuality ed lesson 3... whole clz wuz luffin away and reli enjoyin ourselves cuz we were talkin abt PDA in terms of intimacy... haha... quite an interestin lesson...

veri angry wif my bio... actualli ish pass de lorz... but duno y mcq muz convert to 20% and paper 2 muz convert to 80%... i.e. i fail... veri veri disappointed... and somemore my mcq grade is quite a decent one u noe... 32/40... best of my 3 sciences de mcq la... freak... veri agitated...

now moan and whine oso no use la... now tt i finally bitched enuff abt it... time to start work... i shall conquer promos~!!! i can do it!

xiao mei finally come back frm m'sia cycling trip liaoz... missed u xiao mei!!! haha... y nv msg ur liu jie tt u came back liaoz...

Got back some of my common test results... Totalli farked up... I'm sooooo disappointed wif myself dis time... Failed physics by 1%... no... less den tt... 0.21% onli i tink... and afta all e hard work i put and piaed and piaed for it... fail... where is the justice... i dun tink i'll do well for bio either... wrote crap for a lot of qns... e s2pid essay wuz a friggin 20 marks... guess im gona score a single digit for tt... haf an impending feeling of doom tt im gona fail bio too... as for maths... it wuz nv a gd one, wuz it? nv did do well in maths... but i hope i'll pass... i shld la... considering all e practice i put in... as for chinese... worse still... first time gettin a C5 in paper 2 for Chinese in jc... but at least i scored 51/70 for my compo... but still damn sad la... i usually can depend on chinese for a gd grade de... dis time... jz totalli screwed it up... the onli bright spot abt dis common test? i scored an A for chemistry... wld haf done nth short of killin myself if i didnt... if i dun score for chemistry, wad else wld i score in? shld b exempted for chemistry ba... i reli nid to focus on my other subs... 6 wks left to study for promos... and still gort pw to bust my brain abt... s2pid EoM... life sux... no wait... i sux... how am i gona kip my 4 subs dis way? i reli dun wana let go of ani of my sciences, even tho i always sae i wana drop physics... i dun wana let go... 4 subs means a lot to mi... i reli nid it... *sobz...

reli feel as if im lettin everi1 down... lettin ms wun down... lettin my parents down... most of all, lettin myself down... i reli hate it... m i jz nt doin enuff? m i jz plain lazy? im sure i noe e answer... and im sure i noe wad i shld do to get myself betta grades durin promos...

study meetin dis fridae... ani1 goin?

Wow... had a reli gr8 wk!!! well i guess e first thing to tok abt wld b e slpover at jun jie's hse ba... haha... his hse damn big la... den we stayed over for a nite n made a hell lot of noise... his maid can speak chinese wor... well, one of dem la... e other one cant... let's see... wad did we do? we initially went his hse to celebrate qi sheng's bdae... well we did la... but at lyk e last minute of his bdae... den afta singin bdae song den we sae 'orh, over liaoz...'... haha... went downstairs for cake, cuz we sang e song upstairs... nobody reli wanted e cake lei... strange... had 2 pester ppl to eat it... but i tink we were all too excited abt playin pool and table soccer la (is tt wad u call it?)... jianli and i make a GREAT TEAM at pool... haha... e rest all kena thrashed by us... reli had a veri gd time... and i nid to improve on my table soccer skills... duno how 2 control so mani at one time sia... lolz... kena thrashed by jj's youngest bro... speakin of which, jj's bro's r quite cute... his youngest bro is... but accordin to jaymie, lao er a bit solemn-lookin? haha... jj's e onli one hu looks lyk his father lei... mayb cuz e other 2 wearin specs ba... den e whole family look veri wen xin in e family portrait... quan jia fu... yalor... den e whole time wuz mainly pool, table soccer and movie ba... watched scary movie 3 at nite... no wait, in e mornin.... veri veri early mornin... haha... show wuz quite lame... basically copy and paste frm other movies and modify to make it funny... or wad e producers tot wuz funny... den ard 3+ in e mornin we started gettin rdy for bed... but din slp till abt 4+... slept btw jun hui and jj... hope i din squash dem!!! hahaha... den gort super cold la... stole bh's blanket and covered mi and jh... we agreed to wake up at 8+... jj wuz rite... we needed buffer time... no1 woke up except mi when e alarm went off at 8... went downstairs to get my toothbrush...yee hoong alr awake... he said he woke up at 6.30... reli unbelievable... how can ani1 slp so little n still haf e energy? sia la... had breakfast wif yh afta brushin... finish le... den teck khoon wuz e nxt 2 wake up... den jh... followed by jj... e rest din wake up till 10+... and it wuz onli afta we 4 went up to wake dem up did dey reluctantly open their eyes... nua dere for anudder period of time... gort sian le den went downstairs to play soccer n pool again... so it wuz another gd 2 hrs b4 we set off for tampines... we arranged to meet yh at woodlands, since he left early to go hm to collect his costume... but cuz mrt wuz too slow... (it wuz alr ard 2.10 when we reached woodlands...), we took cab frm woodlands, afta wastin some time dere waitin for yh to show up, onli to find tt he'd oreddy taken bus dere by himself... -.- O.0... finally reached tampines... went upstairs afta changin... cldnt stay in e makeup rm for more den a min... all e hair spray and makeup floatin in e air... enuff to suffocate ani1... bunny wuz doin divination outside... a lot of crap to mi... future is for u to discover bit by bit... tt's e best and worst part of it, i tink... met kenny!!! haha... missed u man, kar-el... afta finally havin my make-up done, went upstairs for daimoku and den came downstairs again for run-thru... quite fun and cold... so din pespire as much... boarded e bus afta doin gongyo... block c split up... >=(... humpf... waited for quite a long time afta arrivin... dinner dis time wuz gd... den finally PERFORMANCE TIME!!! haha... kept wanting to hit e cameraman when i wuz dancing... s2pid... stand so near for wad... but i stood in e corner... so cldnt reli b seen... so sad... afta e performance den most of e fun began lorz... we all rushed here and there to see vincent ng, fiona xie and the fireworks... fireworks were reli damn beautiful la... den e echo frm e blocks of flats oso quite loud... haha... did i mention fiona xie wuz our star? she wuz dancin wif us in our bollywood item... so cool rite? den managed finally to GET HER SIGNATURE!!! duno y im so excited over dis... nt reli a veri big fan of her... saw vincent ng too... jz din manage to take pics wif either one of dem... haiz... there's still quite a big chunk of events happenin afta dis... but lazy to type la... fingers tired le... part 2 will come soon... haha... common test tml... haven study bio yet... jia lat... lolz... here're e pics for all i blogged above... chosen randomly de hor... haha...
Guys chillin out at the soccer table....
Qi Sheng's present... Notice the orange package? LOLZ...
Xiao Mei and Ba Ge...

Birthday Boy cutting the cake!!!

Smile!!! How come onli one candle?
Xiao Mei curling up on the couch

ytd went out wif ycf peeps to study again... quite unproductive... haha... but finally managed to thrash out part of my gravitation and a small part of circular motion... kudos to grace and valerie... hope i spelt ur names correctly... sigh... im reli veri weak in physics... duno if i'll do well for my common test dis time... jz downloaded a lot of stuff abt physics frm jj webby... hope it helps...

haha, speakin of jj, wonder if i can go wif e others to jj'se hse tonite or nt... reli want to... but i still haf my common tests to study for... wonder if mum'll let mi go or nt... mostly likely nt tho... but oh well... jz kip my fingers crossed yeah?

walked to outram wif jianli ytd afta gettin off e north-east line... had quite a gd and long chat... reli cleared up a lot of things in my mind... thnx a lot pal... ^_^

jz came back frm national day celebrations... quite shagged... owens won a couple of competitions... haha... yay!!!

I jz realised how shallow my frens make mi feel... dey make mi see so mani things abt life tat i nv had e wisdom to c b4 in my life... tim... rf... rach... haf these daes in chingay and ycf tot mi nth? haf i bin livin 2 gd a life?

is my level of confidence goin down? i guess so... eva since i started losin my hair, i seemed 2 b losin my self-esteem and self-confidence... i can no longer sae things wif full confidence animore... wadeva i tot... wadeva i wuz under e impression of... i've bin a fool... mayb all my fats r finally startin 2 flood my brain... retarded...

den in tt case... suan le... im e bouncer no more...

ytd has last ycf training... Kinda sucked... Thx to all who showed so much concern for mi... esp Timothy n Boon Han, hu showed mi so much concern... Tim even sent mi back to my doorstep... haiz so guilty and so touched... ^_^... thnx a lot guys... i reli appreciate all dis... =) but i still feel v guilty... so mani ppl worried over mi... thnx so much guys... lolz, startin to sound lyk a parrot... but reli... jz feel so grateful 2wards u guys...

tml's e post-ycf celebration and mummy's n bh's bdae... mummy dun wan mi 2 gif her anithin... but i noe she's bin eyein dis bag for quite a bit of time le... but reli quite ex... as for boonie... lolz... duno wad i shld get for him lei... muz go rack my brains...

Revision day. Quite a fun day. wore my acjc t-shirt afta such a long time. love it. ^_^ These guys reli rock my world. Din do much revision in e end tho. Haha. We kept asking JJ qns, i tink oso considered as helpin him revise his yr 1 topics la hor? hahaha... din end e way i wanted it to... hurts. it reli does. she doesnt noe it. but it does. im sry i eva opened my big mouth. but i spose im jz tactless. dun even wana tink abt it now. haiz. reli din mean to pick a fight. spose things wun b the same animore? reli hope it will still b, tho will take some time i guess. but her words did hurt. a lot. go and be a saint? tt stabs mi so deep in e heart... no joke. it reli does.

bio spa tml. no mood to read my notes now. ct nxt wk. fuked up. wanted to try for exemption. do i still haf hope? one wk left onli lei. i want my chem n bio s papers. suddenly lost all my zest. but shall nt let dis sansoshima defeat mi. i'm sure i can do my human revolution. im sure i can succeed. prob is i always dwell on e unhappy things. too much of an emotional person.

met up wif a few of e guys todae. did feel kinda uncomfy. atmosphere wasnt as cosy. my fault. again. as usual. hate myself now. but hey, since when haf i nt?

moral of e story? kip ur mouth shut.

life sux. esp when u haf a big mouth.

I'm sry k... hope u read dis... reli din mean 2 pick a fite... jz totalli tactless...

Frens reli mean a lot to mi... esp when im a person hu fears loneliness...

Feelin ultra shitty now... both of mi... yes i typed it rite... both of mi...

Why did i haf 2 go n sae all tt? Argh...

Tired...

Lost my USB port... how m i gona upload my pics... dammit...

Am i tryin to do 2 much? or m i jz doin everythin e wrong way? m i puttin across e wrong signals? sigh, every1 ard mi's facin probs... i reli wana help... as e bouncer i wana help... ppl in my pub facin trouble of coz i muz take dem under my wing... reli jz wana extend a hand... but duno if i doin it e rite way...

my asthma's bin actin up again recently... thank gdness itz gone down quite a bit now... kudos to all hu've bin concerned... reli appreciate it...

lookin 4ward to dis sat... nt so much cuz of ndp... more of ctss carnival... haha...

Yesterday was really a great and terrible day for mi... I go for NDP training then Matthew tells mi i nt performing for NDP cuz im too active... So blardy disappointed... Some others were also rather unlucky... Min Ling, Stella, Elvin, Cheng Yu, Celine and some others were sieved out la... cuz we too active den dey want new friends n inactive members to participate and feel the gakkai spirit... but now, even now if u put mi in i oso dun wana go in le... nt fair to others oso... but i cant sae tt im nt disappointed... reli was lookin veri forward to performin in it and dancin nxt to serene and crappin wif her again...

afta tt went off to harbourfront wif e others... wanted to drag jefferson along but he said he had homework to do, assignments to complete and his father to entertain... haha... den went to 'torture' myself lorz... stuffed my face completely and totally... haiz... reli wuz down and depressed... lotsa chilli... gorged myself... den wuz hyper-active... budden went out wif the others later on to haf fun... reli went mad wif dem la... toka dnt ok and luff and tell lame jokes and do all sorts of stuff lorz... a guy came by and asked us for a lighter... we obviously din haf one and jayhmie wuz lyk reli unhapy wif him and jz said that if wehad a problem if we din haf a lighter... haha... den afta tt asked each other lame and 'intellectual' qns lorz... yee hoong said that he refused to answer any of the lame qns tt we asked... den some intellectual qns he oso dunno how to ans sow e kept teasing him t he was neither lame nor intellectual la... hahaha... but surprisingly i had quite a long chat wif him ytd wor... which was quite an achievement since he reli seldom talks la... but he's quite an interesting person to talk to... jz gotta get him to open up lorz... hee~ den teased rachel again abt him being her eye candy... den reli did a lot of s2pid stuff... but reli had a lot of fun... jz let go of everything lorz... i failed my gp common test and physics topical test... wuz kinda demoralised but jz din tink abt it when i wuz goin mad wif dem la... hahaha...

now at benny's hse now... pon sch today... nt reli la... jz went off early cuz later gort medical appt... aniwae today ish jz lectures, jz copy notes can le... if it wuz tutorials den i wldnt go off so early la of coz... but lectures i usually dun understand much de la.... jz lyk today tt mrs low wuz teaching power series i din understand a single damned thing she wuz talkin abt... den behind mi rakesh, kah wee, derry and andy were bitching throughout the entire 1.5 hrs of e lecture la... den either kah wee or rakesh pushed aside my hair to see e hole dere... lyk if u wana see it i'll jz let u see la... no nnid to do all tt rite? totalli pissed off la... den in e end jz went off lorz... reli veri angry wif dem... felt lyk swinging my bag, or even betta, my fists in their faces... sigh... gort so mani problems at hand now... mayb i reli shld jz go back to e gohonzon to chant and look for my answers la.... yes i bliv tt's e best thing to do now...

now tt i've let go off elizabeth... im reli free rite? arent i?

HQ3 YCF 2005 ROX MY WORLD!!!!!!!!! It was reli a gr8 dae for mi... i reli loved tt dae la... gort so mani wonderful memories of it... dance was jz amazing... and we revealed our angel-mortal identities... i oreddy knew cheng yu wuz my angel le... surprisingly Serene oreddy knew i wuz her angel... said she guessed it frm e way i wrote my letter and e way i speak... woah... but it wuz reli gr8 havin her dancin beside mi... reli had a lot of fun chattin wif her and reli picked up a lot of things frm her too... once again... MY FIRST ROW ROX!!! mi, serene, pc, liangyue, elvin, stella and mavis... pls i din leave out ani1 dis time yea? =p im reli gona miss all e laughter and jokes and most of all, FUN, tt we shared... =( but nvm... still gort ndp... ^_^

afta e whole thing ended, met windies and e usual grp of ppl i usually go hm wif lorz... tok lotsa pics!!! den went off wif block c for dinner... dis time reli muz la... otherwise nt much chance left le... hee~... reli went mad wif block c... laughed and laughed and joked and screamed and took pics... wun forget u guys eva!!! den dey all, tgt wif block d peeps, went to watch fantastic 4... siao de la... $9.50... i din watch... so bade gdbye and went off to e mrt station... haha... met jun jie and yee hoong... ended up taking the north-south line... yee hoong can b reli chatty when he wants to... haha... jz realised... he's oso gort a veri nice and bright smile... pity he's so introverted... or at least, he appears to b in front of a large grp of ppl... well... now dun feel so regretful le... gort 2 noe more of jefferson and yee hoong... jz find it irritatin tt ppl ard mi i dun reli noe and kinda ashamed i din reli take e trouble to noe dem... same goes for my block c ppl... sigh... i din even get to noe my angel veri well... pity... but i did noe my mortal well! haha... somemore she stood beside mi for e formation... so gort plenty of chances to tok to her and knew quite a bit frm her letters to mi... she gave so mani things too... kinder surprise frm europe... gummies... oh yeah... cheng yu oso gave mi a box of kinder chocolates... i onli gave serene a small box of chocolates... so guilty... haha... surprised she likes english lit... doesnt look lyk tt sorta person... and she's a veri ez person to tok to... mi, serene, pc and liangyue always talk crap together de... reli bin my gr8 fortune to haf known her n e rest of e guys...

when chingay ended, ycf wuz dere to support... now tt ycf has ended, ndp ish comin in a matter of wks... in my common test wk somemore... wad's gona happen afta tt? sigh...

and to all out there... i've finally let go... yes... after 4 long and miserable years... i haf finally let go... hopefully next time i shall be more successful in recovering from these incidents... if there is a next time... so i'd appreciate if u guys dun mention her at all in front of mi... aniwae u guys haven bin doin so but i'd appreciate it a lot if u guys jz dun tok abt it k? thnx a lot... it still hurts a little bit... but e great thing is... i reli haf gotten over her... and dis time... it's for real... it's bin a torturous period... but im sure it'll help mi wif future rships... if any... now i jz wana b e gd old BoUnCeR tt i was!!! yay!!!

common test immediately after national day performance lei... so sianz... other ppl's common test all finish le... left onli jj... haha

still owe jianli and stellla $20 for e cab fare... sigh... veri guilty lei... owe money for so long liaoz...

dunno if jun hui's throat ish ok le or nt.... e poor guy had to lose his voice on e wkend of the ycf performances...

sinyee's gona haf to leave band le... so sad... had such a great time terrorising her in sectionals.... wahahaha... now u see my sadistic nature le ba... but she wuz reli wuz quite a gd player... considerin tt she's still budding.... same goes for benjamin, tho ben ish more hardworkin den her...

lolz... my train of thoughts end here... will blog again when i haf e urge la... ^_^

My problems are reli nth sometimes, as compared to wad others are feelin and experiencing rite now... sigh... i wana help other ppl... i reli do... but onli if i can help myself first... m i able to do tt? mayb? i muz b able to confidently sae yes to myself b4 i can lose myself in e aid of others...

ytd nite was e last item trainin le... gort quite emotional.... fang yan looked lyk she wuz abt to cry... one of e block a trainers cried... yeah... den i was e onli one frm block c hu went up to sae sth... im reli gonna miss block c... esp my first row... always mad together de... mi, serene, pc, liangyue, elvin (f maths de!!! LOLZ!!!), stella and mavis... i din leave out ani1 rite? hope nt... haha... esp serene, gort to noe her quite well dis ycf... she's so frenly n veri ez to get along wif de... haha, somemore im her angel in e angel-mortal game... hee~

well, since im in e mood of ycf, let's tok abt it yea? haha... to tink tt i nearly din join ycf afta chingay... choon huat came and encouraged mi to go for it... thx a lot choon huat... wld haf missed out on a lot if i jz slacked off at hm... hahaha... tho i do haf some regrets dis ycf... din reli get to noe all e ppl ard mi... nt jz in my blocks but oso e ppl hu always hang out tgt wif mi afta ycf trainings de... one eg ish jefferson... wana learn to dance lyk him!!! haha... he dance damn pro la... den he's quite a frenly guy too... haha... yea, so tt's loss no. 1... nxt eg... hmm... i guess wld b yee hoong ba... quite a quiet guy... hardly eva talks... at least, in my presence ba... but he does talk a lot if he's comfy wif e topic... rach's eye candy no.1 (oops!)... haha... din even noe he was in chingay too... >.<

but i did get to make a lot of new frens and gort closer to those whom were jz hi-bye frens... let's see... who've we gort? first up, i guess wld b timothy ba... knew he existed in sec sch... haha... din even noe he wuz frm gakkai de... chingay he was one of my cheerios... den thru ycf... den always hang out tgt le lorz... den slowly gort to noe him more and more... nt jz as a slacker... but reli learnt a lot frm him too... more den u wld tink... nxt... jaymie!!! my xiao mei... im her liu jie... her family now veri big le hor? haha... dis ger always e maddest and craziest in our grp but oso e funnest (got such a word?)... one of e 5 da mei nu... used to treat dis 5 gers quite a lot... laughed lyk mad wif dem... reli enjoyed those times... i luv u xiao mei... haha... hu's nxt? jiaxin? yea... another one of e 5 da mei nu... oso din even noe she existed in chingay till she told mi in ycf... hahaha... she's quite a fun person to talk to... jz dun make her flare up lorz... otherwise... =X... lolz... nxt? jun hui! oh yeah... dis guy ish mad man.... he's cool, fun and always has e same mohawk hairstyle... can click wif him veri ezily de... tho i onli knew him more closely towards e end of ycf tho... kinda sad... 5th? roofiangz... oso one of my cheerios... haha, still rmb e face she gave mi when i din rmb she wuz my cheerio... oso onli gort to noe her betta afta ycf... veri fun to b wif... nt afraid 2 sae wad she wants... haha... always hear her complain abt vj... but hey, i oso bitch abt ac sometimes... ^^...

i tink i'll stop here for now... sry if i left out anibody... im sure i did... made sooooooo mani new frens dis ycf... will tok abt u guys the nxt time k? promise. haha... fingers cramp liaoz... lookin 4ward to 16th and 17th july!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me, HOT Nurse, Jun Hui, Min Ling and Xiao Mei
Me, HOT nurse, Mun Whye, Jun Hui, Xiao Mei and Eleena
Me and Roufang

Recently bin a craze of takin pics in ycf lately... Let's see... these were e pics taken at e hq3 daimokukai... picked out a few to post here... Still gort e pics taken on hq2 performance nite de... will upload those later on... hahaha... now reli on permanent addiction to my gakkai frens le... nv go out wif dem even for a few daes ish nth short of torture... dey've bin jz a totalli gr8 source of encouragement, support and fun... e withdrawl symptoms i suffer when im away frm u guys ish reli damn hard to bear...

well... i shall declare here and now on my blog, wifout ani shame, tt im sufferin frm hair loss... e actual scientific term ish alopecia ariata... my hair loss ish due to my white blood cells attacking my hair follicles and causing my hair to fall out... it's incurable... it can onli b stopped for some time... it may come back... mayb in a few mths... mayb in a few yrs... i dunno... so if ure tinkin or tryin to see if im havin ani bald patches, yes i do haf... nice big one at e back of my head, so no nid to squint or move into ani awkward position to try to catch a glimpse of it... im confirmin ur suspicions now itz there...

so worried now... doc said my mom has high blood pressure... sigh... everything's happenin at once... duno how im gona make it thru dis... mustn't let her wori abt mi... im reli worried for her now... ='(... she's onli in her forties... sigh... will e crease btw my eyebrows ever smoothen out? life's jz taken such a drastic twist eva since jc started... i feel so depressed, so lethargic, so weak... but hu im to complain? others haf so much more to bear, yet i dun c them bitching abt it... so y shld i? wad right do i haf huh?

jz lemme die.......................................

OMG!!! JJCSB TOTALLI ROX LA!!! haha, mi, may, carmen, lester and mei yin were playin a tune together ytd in band!!! it reli rox man... we jz blended together so beautifully together... reli sounded veri gd... at least, tt's wad we tot la... hee~ but reli la... it reli wuz nice to our ears... mayb i'll suggest to dem to plae dis for the farwell yea? ^_^

Ytd went for daimokukai... Had an asthma attack... >.<... But somehow, felt e meetin ended quite early lei... Den we slacked ard afta tt... I MISSED E LAST TRAIN!!!! in e end had to borrow money frm jianli and stella to take cab home... SO EX LA!!! imagine frm tampines to boon lay... aiyo... heart beri pain sia... dis mth owe a lot of ppl money... >.<... hp bill oso haven pay yet... BIG BIG HOLE IN MY WALLET!!! but e taxi uncle quite nice la... the overall charge wuz $28.90 ='(... but i onli had $25 on mi den he jz accept la... heng sia... frm now on reli muz control le la... heng mom din find out sia...

i'm feelin betta le... reli wuz mutatin into an alien creature e past few daes... later still goin HQ2 performance... THANKS A LOT BENNY!!! haha, gort e tix frm him... ^_^

Wad e hell is fukin wrong wif mi? I'm feelin totalli fuked up these days...... My entire gullet is sore... probably infected... and i cant even drink water wifout feelin pain... wad's wrong wif it? jz as well... shut myself up... bin tokin 2 much aniwae... my studies r goin down e drain and my mood's been swingin faster den a pendulum... WTH is wrong wif mi? im reli startin 2 feel dere's jz no more meanin to life... i jz dun wana wake up animore in e mornings sometimes... i reli cant face all dis animore... itz jz too much for mi to bear... to add salt to my wounds... i dreamt of her e nite b4 ytd... it wuz a dream... but it hurt worst den a nitemare... im e famous bouncer... im sposed to help... to protect... to guard... to listen... how m i gona do all these things wif all these troubles buggin mi? ARGH~!!!!!!!!! itz reli jz horrible rite now... i hate my life... onli ycf trainings numb my pain for a while and even tt is comin to an end... lyk zhenhui saes on his nick... cope i must, fail i must not... but how can i achieve this? will my life end when ycf does? i duno... i cant even b a gd sl now... i duno wad to teach... i sux at playin my instruments... i reli jz feel lyk havin a gd long cry and jz vent all my frustrations out... if i dun stop bottlin up these feelins... dey're gona explode sooner or later... and im gona jz collapse when tt happens... i noe it... i can sense it... i can feel it...

To all hu visit my blog, if u're all tt interested in wad i wrote in my post before last, i've opened up my blog to show 3 posts instead of 1... for now... mite change it back... so if ure interested... yea...

Today's HQ1's performance... i'm sure itz gonna go sooooo smoothly! we're all gona go mad and haf loads of fun~! Tho tis oso means i dun haf time for hw (EXCUSE~! bleahx)... but do i care? surprisingly, yes... i do care... these grades mean sth to mi...

m i feelin betta? i guess so? mayb nt? i duno... tired... veri tired...

i haf to reply ur tags here guys, sry cuz i cant seem to tag frm my com...

tim: yes i agree, love is blind... jay: yea i will, dun wori... i opened up my posts le... crixilver: haha, if i felt ashamed i wldnt haf set up dis blog in e first place =).. im proud of it... i've tried wad u said la... sometimes works sometimes doesnt but thnx a lot for taggin... vivian: yeah i will... music does soothe mi =) baohui: hi baohui... lolz nv gort to ask u... how did u come by my blog? nice to c u ard~!

reli appreciate all ur tags guys~ =)) thnx a lot for all ur concern!

I'm sorry abt my previous post. I duno wad came over mi... jz had e sudden urge to blast it all out... to all hu tagged... kudos to u all... still hurts quite a bit inside but feelin betta le... =)

im jz plain tired dis wk... nth much to blog abt... will haf more afta e 3 consecutive daes of ycf ba... hee~ lookin forward to it... ^_^Y...

It jz sux... it reli does... I've been havin these violent mood swings recently... been tinkin of her as well... i keep tellin others 'time will heal', 'dun wori la, u'll get tt ger u lyk de la'... m i bein a fukin hypocrite? i myself cant get myself to forget her, despite carryin a torch for her for... i duno... 4 yrs? i muz b e moz foolish person ard when it comes to affairs of e heart... i jz yearn for her... lyk wad McFly sings "she was all i thought about, the girl i couldn't live without..."... i reli cant live wifout her... i painfully cut the onli photo i haf of her and put it in my wallet... i promised her i'd b able to let go of her once i graduated frm ctss since i wldnt c or hear her... and now look wad's happenin... WAD IS WRONG WIF MI? SHE'D B SOOOO ANGRY IF SHE KNEW LA... i noe she onli wans to b platonic frens but my heart jz cant accept it... why m i even writin dis here? i tot i'd oreddy gotten over her... i dun c her i dun hear her i dun chat wif her online, esp since she doesnt haf e time nowadays... shldnt i b able to forget her since itz lidat? i dun even dare to msg her nowadays, for fear of disturbin her... tho she does reply back most of e times... i'm so angry, so hurt, so disappointed... yet i noe veri well itz nv gona b possible btw e 2 of us... im reli so veri willin to gif my everything for her... yet i noe she's nv gona reciprocate it... ARGH!!!

i choke back my tears... i muffle e breakin of my heart... i do my best to reach out to as mani as i can wif my big size, hopin to provide a nice comfy pillar to lean on when dey nid e support... im e bouncer afta all... but i guess i can do it no more... dey dun reli nid mi aniwae... i'm reli collapsing... my main support is already gone... my heart has already long shattered... so will i soon... so will i... ='( i jz wana blast it all out... vent it all out... cry it all out... im pathetic... im disgusting... im such a hypocrite... go ahead... tink wadeva u lyk... im tired of bein strong... bein sensible... bein wadeva i shld b... i cant alright? i cant... and i wont! my prob seems so insignificant to others... but im oreddy sufferin lyk dis... m i jz weak?

Should haf blogged abt dis in my previous post... but too excited abt initial d... hahaha... =p

went out wif jj band peeps on fri too... j1 batch and starion... went jp ljs... had a reli gr8 time chattin, laughin, gossiping and bitching wif dem man... tt's e gd thing abt bein in such a small band... itz so EASY TO BOND!!! OMG JJCSB ROX~! Tho i gort scolded by mom for bein so late wif her lunch... made her starve... felt shoooooo guilty...

den afta tt went hm for a while... slacked... den went to watch initial d wif 4d1'04!!! some ppl nv changed... at all... haha... esp clarence... still as much of a bastard as eva... but a nice one~ e gals were all mad over jay chou... and i still tink audrey has a japanese doll haircut!!! hahaha... den sq gave every1 who went a big hug, said he missed us sooooo much and said we forgot abt him cuz he went poly~ tok wad cock! we'll nv 4get 4d1'04 de la... esp mi... u guys gave mi soooo mani terrific memories to hold onto... reli miss u guys... wldnt mind goin thru o's one more time if i cld b wif u guys for one more yr...

Just watched Initial-D wif 4D1'04... Quite cool... Hahaha... Jay Chou acting quite gd lei... In e movie he portrayed dis kinda boyish look... He goes well wif a smile leh... Pity he puts on tt cool look most of e time... And btw... to all Jay Chou fans who pass by here, I'm onli posting my two cents' worth... pls dun get offended if i happen to sae sth offendin to u here hor... =P And dis post will b a bit of a spoiler to those who haven watched it yet.... so if u haven watched it and plan to... go away now... hahaha... =X

the show din haf a happy ending wif his love story... quite a refreshing change frm e usual fairy tales we see... get together... live happily eva afta... but e big prob abt dis movie ish tt it aint gort a plot... -_-'''... tho it does portray a diff perspective of jay chou altogether... huge diff frm wad we usually see...

still gort loads of hw waitin for mi.... still gort lotsa tests to study for... still veri worried tt i mite fail my gp test... and itz 30% of my eoy grade.... >.<... reli quite worried abt it... miss wun keeps tellin mi nt 2 wori... but i jz cant get over my own barrier... sigh... i dun wana retain... i dun wana lose my 4 subs~!