When one training screws up, sure it may be the fault of others. But when two trainings screw up in a row, it's high time to reflect.

Today's training, once again, I felt wasn't too good. I keep barking at the higher management to give me sufficient time to finish my teaching but again, I couldn't complete my teaching. Is it my fault? I really should reflect on that. I could speed up my teaching. But when mixed instructions come from above, I struggle to juggle them and end up feeling stressed out about it. Frustration builds up and so does tension. I'm sorry if I offended you today, Julian. I honestly am. I have a blunt tongue and don't think before I speak, especially when I'm agitated.

But on the other hand, I'm feeling agitated for my participants. If I, as a trainer, fail to speak up for them and teach them properly, then who will? Maybe from next training onwards, I should just hold my peace and do everything in the time that they assign me quietly. Hopefully that'll yield better results.

I'm also cracking my head over how I should bond my C8 together. I still feel that they are very disjointed. I mean, during trainings they can get along quite well with each other but I seldom see them hang around with each other during break. Kinda sad.

I dunno, but all these setbacks have really made me feel that I've failed as a trainer. Is it my perfectionistic nature coming into play again? Me wanting to achieve what I set out for myself in every single area, just like how I am with my studies, and beating myself up about it when I fail to achieve what I set out to achieve.

Found out that one of my ex-students can't make it to sec 5. Really very sad when I heard that. He finally woke up this year and was so determined to make it to sec 5. He really put his heart and soul into his studies and it really breaks my heart to hear that he didn't make it. Especially so when he's already repeated 2 years.

Oddly enough, although I received my results today, which were horrible, since my CAP dropped. But that wasn't the main focus of my problems.

I don't want to burn out......

Had a great time talking crap and bowling with DT today!!!! Or rather, since it's past 2am now, yesterday. Haha. Both P's of DT kept quarreling today, as they do every time they meet. XD Provided excellent entertainment for me and Xuanwei. I completely sucked at today's bowling, which was expected, since I can't remember the last time I bowled. I think it was when I bowled with 4D1 couple of months back. Zzzz.

It also just struck me that I've been going out with so many of my friends but have yet to meet up with my own clique. Haiz. Why is everyone so busy? I wanna go chiong sakae buffet with you all!!!!

My brother had his first Japanese lesson today, which was basically a crash course of simple phrases that might come in useful in Japan, since he's got the good fortune of going to Japan with JJCSB. %*@#%@%@*(%&$(@#%@($!*$(!#%%&!@$#%&!#&$#$ Okok relax, your turn will come. But hearing him mumble through those phrases really made me guffaw unstoppably. I don't mean to look down at what he's learning. In fact, I'm trying to help him with some of the phrases. But I honestly don't see how those phrases are going to come in useful! Lolz... Stuff like "Kore wa nandesuka. (What is this?)" The storekeeper will definitely understand what you say but I'm also definitely certain that you won't understand what the storekeeper will say. XD Probably will end up miming everything to each other. =P I wanna go Japan... T_T

I've become addicted to three things recently. Watching romantic comedies online, pairing up people in my imagination and teasing real life couples. Hahaha. Ok ok, enough with the eye-rolling. I guess all this is to fill up the emotional gap I feel inside me ba. Recently I just finished 1% of anything, which I thought was really time well wasted. XD Eh eh, always remember, time you enjoy wasting is never wasted time! Kim Jung Hwa looks really hot and pairing her up with Kang Dong Won I think makes one of the best on screen couples I've seen so far. As for pairing people up in my imagination, well... Shan't disclose whom I've been pairing up in my head but I think it's really interesting to think about how certain pairs could develop if they had a chance. Oh well, it's my imagination, so I'm free to use it as I wish! =P As for teasing real life couples, I've been taking stabs at Bi Neng and Audrey in my group for the past few trainings. I'm sure they can take it la. Do I envy them? Undeniably and inevitably, yes I do. But envy is where I draw the line. I'm certainly not jealous. Some people don't seem to know the line between envy and jealousy. Envying someone = no intent of damaging or taking away what they have that you yourself desire, while being jealous = some intent of damaging or taking away what they have that you yourself desire. Do I desire a blissful relationship like that? Yes. No doubt about that. Do I have any intention of sabotaging their relationship? No. NOT AT ALL. Lolz. In fact, I really hope that they will go far in their relationship. And from my point of view, I think it's really likely that they will go far. =)

I thought I had my emo streak under control but now, as I'm typing all this out, I can't help but feel a bit emo inside. I really want to fill that emotional gap inside. But I'm sure this feeling will pass......temporarily.

突然好想去放天灯喔。。。

I smiled when I received your morning call this morning. The way you said, "Good morning!" in that sing-song voice of yours. Hope we can really have a nice, long conversation soon. =)

I'm surprised my blog still had 115 readers last month. Wonder if these readers actually stopped by on purpose to check out my blog or just so happened to click on the wrong link. Hahaha. But whatever it is, to all who have stopped by to read my rambles, many thanks to you all! =D

Went out with Zai Wei today for a LONG OVERDUE catch up session. I haven't had the chance to meet up with him since he entered poly and I'm really really REALLY shocked by his level of maturity in his thinking.

To be honest, my impression of him took a down turn when I saw him at the CTSS carnival. Couldn't believe that he had physically become somebody like that. But today, after meeting up with him, I found that I developed a huge sense of respect for him. The Zai Wei I met today looked more like the one I first knew in sec 2 and I can safely say, after all he's been through, he's really grown a lot. Not just physically, mind you, though the physical part is hard to ignore when he's 185 cm tall. XD

But honestly, he's got me thinking about a lot of things. Really. And the best thing is, a large part of what he advised me on regarding my own problems actually tied in quite well with Sensei's guidance that is related to my problems.

I don't emo like mad over relationship problems anymore like I used to but what he told me today really struck a chord in me. Instead of feeling emo and sentimental, why not channel that energy into becoming somebody better? Somebody more desirable to love? Someone who deserves to be loved? These words really struck me today. Not only did Sensei say them, but having a junior point that out to me really made me think a lot. Have I been someone who deserves to be in a relationship? If I'm in a relationship, will I be able to talk to my girlfriend about anything and everything? Will she be interested in what I have to say? Will I have anything interesting to say? What kind of a person am I? What kind of a person do I want to develop into in this relationship? What have I achieved in life? Because of what he's been through, he bothers to think about these questions. Maybe it's time I did too and work to become a better person, someone worthy of being loved.

We also shared a lot of other things today, so won't say it all out here but I do wanna say that I'm surprised we still managed to have a 3 hour long conversation, despite the fact that we haven't seen each other for so many years. The funniest thing was that we only got to know each other through one band practice in secondary school. He stopped coming after that and went into sports and I remember trying so hard to get him to come back to band, but all to no avail. Haha. Those were the days (omg, that makes me sound so old!).

There's Chingay training later!!!!! Looking forward to seeing my participants after 1 whole week of not meeting with them. RAWR! XD

I wanna perform something for my C8 at the next Chingay participants' meeting!!!!!! XD Thanks to NUSWS band camp, I've become super addicted to 那些年... Kudos to Eugene for helping me write out the score!!!! And I wanna perform this for my C8 at the next Chingay participants' meeting, to thank them for being such great participants and also to encourage them to come for the participants' meeting, cuz my group's attendance for it is always very low =( Wonder if I'll be able to have this chance... >.<

And now I'm having some slight withdrawal symptoms after band camp this year. Sadly, I missed the first day but the second and last day made up for it! Had a great time talking cock and stuffing my face at the BBQ on the second night! And I can't believe I actually dared to perform 那些年 during the ensemble performances despite only seeing the score only on the day itself, in bass clef some more. But still, it was an enjoyable performance!!!! =D

Ktv and dinner after that was simply AWESOME!!!!!! I think the ppl who went for ktv with me saw a side of me they've never seen before. HAHA!!! But it was really GREAT FUN!!! And chilling out during dinner with the guys was totally the right choice. The way we ate so much for under $10 was really amazing. That kind of food and atmosphere beats restaurants like Swensens' any day. XD

School without studying is great! XD Hope my holidays don't pass so fast.

I'm proud to say I didn't think of you during band camp at all.

Some stories and endings are cliche but sometimes we don't pause to think about why they are cliche and why they have come to be cliche to us. Isn't it because it's something that we all wish for? When a story doesn't have a happy ending, we feel something's not right, because we always expect everything to turn out the way we expect it to. But when it does, one of the first few things that people say about it is, "It's cliche." We're hard to please.

Had a great time with my dearest C8 participants today, as I always have! =D Although today was unfortunately an indoor training and the attendance was quite poor, we still managed to have a pretty good training! Although I feel I intimidated a few of the YWDs who got posted to my group today during split training. Hope they don't feel traumatized. Hahaha!

I must be crazy to say this but I'm actually excited about next semester, provided I get the modules I want. In addition to my core modules, I wanna read Japanese 5 and Gender Studies! If I really can get that, it means I'll be 60% Arts student and 40% Science student next semester, even though I'm a Chemistry major. Haha. By the looks of what's on IVLE, I think I can safely say Hamasaki Sensei is definitely teaching Japanese 5 next semester like he mentioned during TA class. WOOHOO!!!!! =D And the best thing is, I HAVE NO LAB NEXT SEMESTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =DDDD No USELESS lab reports to weigh me down next semester. Totally shuang! XD


Missing you is, thankfully, becoming easier and easier. I no longer think endlessly about you. However, it doesn't mean I don't think about you. I still do, just like during Chingay today. Hope we can have a proper conversation soon, rather than those disjointed sms convos that we used to have.


Sometimes, I really wish I could stop living in the past. I really need to come to terms with the fact that I will never be able to relive those times that we had so many months back. Those were really beautiful memories, memories that I really, really treasure. And that's my problem, I indulge in them so much that till now, I still have yet to let go, though I should have, a long time ago.


After gaining the wisdom to see things a short while after SYM ended, I never prayed to be with you, though, in all honesty, that was truly what I wanted. I know that if we were meant to be together, we would have. But I knew, all I wanted was for you to be truly and absolutely happy. And if I'm not the one to be able to help you achieve it, I will accept it. But accepting it and letting go, for me at least, are really two different matters.


I've always wanted nothing but absolute happiness for you. And that's what I've always prayed for you. For you, at this moment, to truly be happy with yourself. You disliking certain things yourself, that are, as declared by SO many people around you, perfectly fine, really breaks my heart. Because you can't seem to see yourself for the beautiful person that you are, inside and out.


They say time heals all. I'm sure I'll eventually be able to let go. What am I holding on for anyway? I also don't know. Haha. But I do know, time will heal. It's just a matter of how much is needed.


And since I seem to be on an emo spree today, I'll let loose everything. I've always wanted to tell you how I truly feel inside, face to face. That episode by Kelvin didn't count. In fact, it really messed me up inside very very badly. You told me that he meant well and that a friend like him is hard to come by. I agree. Totally agree. But it doesn't change how I felt about it after that. And it hurt. Bad.


Sometimes seeing Bi Neng and Audrey together in my group makes me really jealous and Bi Neng coming up to me and asking me if I could pair him up with Audrey or not just now made me smile. They really look very happy and blissful together. I wish I could be in a relationship like that. Wishful thinking TTM! XD


I still miss you.

I care about what you say because you're my friend... and a good one at that.

I don't like arguing, nor do I like quarreling, though I can have a sharp tongue when I want to.

Training today drained quite a bit from me. First time I shout until this kind of extent. Once again, I don't shout because I'm scolding. I shout simply for clarity.

Can't wait for exams to be over. But still have two more. T_T

I really feel so tired, both mentally and physically. But I know this is good training for me. I just really hope all this training will eventually pay off.

Feeling emo again all of a sudden. Must be insufficient serotonin in my body. Chocolate time. XD

I've been watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch on youtube A LOT recently and I'm really happy with the way the final season ended. It actually made me tear. Haha. Though I was REALLY REALLY PISSED OFF with the fact that Aunt Zelda and Aunt Hilda weren't present in the final season. Those two were my favourite characters!!!!!!

Long time never write such a disjointed entry le. Signing off.

Suddenly miss you again. Even dreamt about you a couple of days back. Poked your head for fun today during training. Hope you didn't feel -.^ haha. So much I wanna tell you. So much I wanna share with you. Wonder when I'll have the chance. =(

Ok, so the start of exams is a mere 4 days away and as usual, as it has been for the past 4 semesters, I'm feeling super unprepared. I tried practising spectro questions last night and I nearly broke down in frustration. Can't imagine what kind of hell I'm going to go through when I see Prof. Lai's questions in front of me. =\

And to top it all off, I've been experiencing chest pains. This time, it's not going away, for some reason. I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that it's purely due to the stress that I've been facing and not any other factors. I can totally see myself keeling over and collapsing during CM3221's final exam after seeing the questions.

This must be due to my determination to do well for this semester. And maybe I've been too caught up in getting the grades. Bee Ling told me before, "Don't worry about the grades. Enjoy what you're studying and the grades will naturally come." She was speaking from her own experience and I want to be able to experience that too. I'm not kidding when I say I love CM3221's content. I really do. It's one of the rare few times that I feel that I'm actually doing chemistry. I just wish that I didn't have to struggle this hard just to keep my head above water.

It's also sad that I won't be attending Chingay trainings this week. I really need to devote my time to my studies. Hey, don't look at me like that. It's painful for me too ok, especially since this week we're supposedly having more time for revision of steps and I won't be able to be there to guide my participants through it. Totally love my group to bits la seriously. C8 FTW!!!!! =D

All right, enough bitching. Back to mugging for forensic science. Fingers crossed.

I seem to like posting at night a lot. So many things have been happening recently, including another large argument with my beloved chemistry department, as well as the shitload of work that's been weighing me down, none of which I will deface my blog with apart from this short paragraph. It's high time I let go of my anger and focused more on my work.

I shall just talk about the nice things in life that have been happening to me. I've been chatting more often with some friends recently and realise that I'm sub-consciously becoming closer to them. Well, actually just one in particular. Doubt you know who you are. You probably won't even read this anyway. Haha. But it really does boost my mood that despite knowing each other only in year 1 for a short while and only getting to talk more often in year 3, we've been able to talk about quite a lot of things.

It's also nice knowing that when you (a different person from the previous paragraph) needed someone, you thought of me. And I really appreciate that. Will give my best. No worries =)

Chingay training starts tomorrow (well, technically it's today. Already past 12am.) but I won't be able to attend my very first training thanks to the three tests I have this week. Haha. But I'm really looking forward to meeting my members! Can't wait!!!! =D

This Sunday is Da Capo 2011!!!! My piccolo playing still like shit la. Totally never practise much this semester. I really should pass the piccolo back to Craig when he comes back next semester. But to all who are interested, Da Capo is this Sunday 5pm at NUS UCC!!!!!! $15/tix... drop me a line if you're interested in coming k?

Ok I'm tired. Shall turn in now. Yawwwwwnnnnnnnzzzzzz.......

Looking forward to your morning call waking me up tomorrow morning. =)

It must be a record. Me blogging on two consecutive days. Haha. Ok let's see what we have today.

Well, of course, first things first. It's my birthday today! Thanks to all who remembered (including those who had a bit of help from a certain networking website... XD)... but really... thanks for all the well wishes!!! much appreciated!

come to think of it, wow. I'm already 23 years old... Omg... Getting old... No wait... I'm not. Age is just a number!!!!!! I will remain young at heart!!!! RAWR!!! XD

This year I really wanna have a day off on my birthday... But there's sectionals tonight... Should I go? Lolz... I really think this year I'm meant to have a day off on my birthday. My birthday falls on my free day and also during my e-learning week! I'm meant to go out and enjoy!!!!!! Hahahaha...

And thanks for the wallet from you guys!!!! You all know who you all are la har... I'm sure you'll read this some time or other... Really love the wallet!!!! =D

As for a present for myself... well... I did get myself the "The Nightmare Before Christmas" iPhone cover from eBay... Been searching for one like that for aaaaaggggggeeeeeesssss... So happy when I finally found it online... Does that count as a birthday present for myself? Or should I indulge myself further? >.< Hahaha...

Ok, shall end here today. Off to enjoy my special day. ^_^

Birthday gift from Gohonzon: Seeing you today. Best gift so far. =)

I seem to like blogging at morbid timings. Don't even know what I'm gonna blog about today. Well, let's see what'll flow out k? Haha.

I have finally set my target for this semester, where my results are concerned. But having said that, there's another deeper achievement that I wanna achieve this sem and that is to 'remain competitive without losing my humanity'. This is really very important. I refuse to let myself get caught up in this rat race and lose my humanity in the process. It simply isn't worth it. I already feel that it's starting to happen and I need to nip it in the bud. Now.

So many things to juggle this semester. Band, chingay, Gakkai, studies. Similarly, I refuse to compromise on any one of them. But at the same time, I need to make sure I don't spread myself out too thin and make sure I prioritise properly. I can and I will win! Win over myself, that is. As Sensei mentioned in the clip I watched at the daimokukai just now, "A man who loses to himself is a coward." I really agree. One needs courage to face up to his own weaknesses and flaws and overcome them.

A few more hours before it comes. Quite gratifying that it should land on my free day this year. Too bad I'll probably be using it to catch up on my webcasts for e-learning week. Hahaha.

I've been trying. But it's still there. Though you being so elusive really is helping a lot. No sarcasm intended. It really is the case.

Suddenly felt like blogging, even though it's 3.06am in the morning. Well, at least it's not 2.48am. HAHA! Okok, private joke. (doubt you'll read this anyway)

Anyway, suddenly saw my ex-student's blog update through facebook and went to check it out. She seems really devastated. At least she's still managing to move on in life. Hope she manages to pull through this quickly. Just sent her a message to encourage her. Wonder if she still remembers who I am, considering I taught her only for a month four years ago. Hahaha.

I've also officially rejected my offer for SEP to Hong Kong. Just to clarify, me being a Chingay trainer was NOT the deciding factor behind my rejection. It's just that when I applied for SEP, I applied for SEP to Japan. The Japan factor was really the main factor for me. Sure, both Hong Kong unis had good modules for me to map. But I really just didn't feel for it la. Yes, how many people can say that they were given 2 chances to go for SEP? Some more rejected both offers. But to me, I believe this is the right choice for me to make and I'm sure that I will not regret it. =)

This sem is turning out to be what could possibly be my most challenging semester yet. But I say that every sem. Goes to show life is getting harder and harder. It's only week 4 now and I've got my first mid-term next week. At least it's my favourite organic chem ^_^ Prof. Tan really has become my idol le. Really love his teaching so much. Clear and interesting. What more can you ask for? Really so sad that he's only teaching half the module. How I wish I could drop IA like Billy. Haiz. But having said that, I'm really thankful that I didn't take solid state. Really really thankful. Haha.

Free day tomorrow!!!!! WOOHOO!!!! =D

Is that a glimmer of hope I see?

Just sent off Andrew at the airport just now. He's headed to University of Queensland in Aussieland. I think still have at least another 4.5 hours left for the flight there. Experienced it myself before. Not exactly a pleasant experience. Haha.

Sending off a friend whom I've known for a decade, literally. Well, to me, it feels like I've peeled off a plaster that I've had on me for the past 10 years! I have no choice but to do it and it does hurt doing it and leaves that patch of me stinging. Ok, I agree, Andrew and I didn't talk or meet as much as friends normally would. Not that we had a choice. When I was in army, he wasn't. When I ord-ed, he just enlisted. Lolz. But to me, Andrew really is a very special friend. What friend would lend you his personal flute for your own band practices and performances? What friend would let you drive his car in a multi-storey carpark while you're still holding on to a PDL? And that's not all. What friend doesn't flip when you scratch HIS car after banging into the wall because you didn't turn sufficiently? I think the most memorable thing that we've done together was go for makan at night and after that he drove me home. After reaching my house, both of us realized neither of us wanted to go home yet, so we chatted in his car for an hour before we drove off somewhere else again. Haha, might sound stupid to some of you but it was something that, for some reason, I remembered really clearly.

Met up with him a couple of weeks ago for dinner. Went to mussels bay. I drove, for a change, and the first thing he said after we stepped out of the car was, "Wah Wee Yong, you put on a lot of weight leh!" OTZ. That really hit me hard. Lolz. But I know he had no intention of teasing or putting me down. I understood perfectly why he made that comment after meeting his army buddies at his sendoff today. Haha. Prior to his sendoff, I miraculously managed to pull my secondary school flute section together for dinner. I think that was the first gathering in... 2 years? XD It's really been difficult, especially with all the guys in the army. We managed to meet up because miraculously everyone was available, including Chloe, who's SUPER busy nowadays with goodness knows what, and Darrin, who happened to be enjoying his block leave. I drove at the beginning but it started to get late so after dinner I sent them all to Andrew's house and got his car instead, while I drove mine home to park. Ended up staying out with Andrew, Chloe, Junhong and Darrin until 3.30am. Ok, Darrin went home earlier but let's not bother with the nitty-gritty stuff.

Lolz. Didn't know Andrew's leaving would have such an impact on me. Even gave him my special glass-made figurine of a person playing the flute that I bought from Taiwan. Hope he treasures it well. Haha. Really am going to miss him. Glad I didn't cry at the airport. Nearly did though but thankfully didn't.

All the best bro! =]

I can't believe I'm writing another post in such short notice. And the best thing is, I'm writing this while I'm feeling like crap.

Don't know why but tonight my chest feels incredibly tight, I'm having trouble drawing breath and the back of my head throbs. Thought I was going to die just now. Lolz. Still don't feel completely well. Is it cuz of the antibiotics for my cough? Maybe it'll all be over tomorrow. I don't think it's an asthma attack, cuz ventolin doesn't work. Maybe it's the stress from work ba? But what stress? I dare say I'm the slackest scholar attached there. Barely done any teaching so far. On the other hand, to make myself sound less unproductive, my project surprisingly made great progress today after my group's discussion today.

Wonder if I'll live to see tomorrow. I'm sure I will. But in case I don't, I really will have lots of regrets. I don't know why I'm having such morbid thoughts now. Must be the tightness in my head and chest. I actually went to google the symptoms of stroke just now cuz I thought I was having an onset of stroke. Apparently it isn't.

A lot of people I'm sure have heard the scenario about "If today was your last day, what would you do?". But nobody seems to believe in it because nobody believes that they will die today. Everybody considers that scenario for a little while, thinks hard about it and forgets it after that, including me. Come on, out of whoever is reading this now, who can say that he/she is living each day like it's his/her last? I certainly can't.

Ok, morbid entry today, cuz body is in a morbid state. Ciaoz, if I live past today. I'm sure I will.

As I was thinking about my regrets, you popped into my mind. Immediately. And stayed there.

Thanks to Sin Yee for asking me to relink her blog, I've finally had some form of motivation to type another entry here in my blog, which has collected dust over these months.

Finally finished year 2 and my special semester and my school attachment has been underway for a week now. And in my first week of school attachment at Jurong West Secondary School I've experienced the first school fire in my life. Thankfully nobody was injured. But the funniest thing to me was that nobody responded to the fire alarm. Everyone was still happily chilling out in their respective rest areas and the discipline master had to announce over the PA system that it wasn't a drill and that there was a real fire and all teachers and students were to relocate to the field. I guess the fire wasn't the biggest thing in school, it's the aftermath of it that will create a big headache for the upper leaders of the school. The parents' calls, the investigations going, etc. The worst thing was that it interrupted the 'O' Level Mother Tongue oral examination and the students, regardless of whether they were having the oral halfway or yet to complete the oral were pulled out. Wonder if there will be a retest for the entire nation or just this particular cohort. >.<

On a lighter note, things at JWSS for me have been going pretty smoothly. The project is quite challenging but still doable la. Just hope we can finish it in time. I don't think I'm going to do much teaching there. Maybe go in for 1E3 in my third week there lor. Although it's an express class but still can be quite challenging to teach, especially given some of the students there aren't really all that easy to handle and my poor mentor gets bullied sometimes. But I'm also quite impressed with my mentor la. Given that she's considered a smaller sized person she can actually be quite fierce and loud when she wants to. I like her sec 4N4 class. They're revising for their 'N' levels now and some of them are really quite behind. Some of the students there are really the kind that I want to help. I don't know if it sounds too idealistic or what but these are the students who really need someone to be there for them, especially since this class has already been split into half and this half that my mentor is taking is the weaker half, so the standard really is quite terrible. Oh well, see how things go ba.

And 2 weeks after my attachment ends, year 3 sem 1 will start for me le. My dear chemistry department has decided it hasn't screwed up my life badly enough and wants to screw me even further, so they've put Prof. Lai in the organic spectroscopy module, as if to further deter people from choosing that module, as if the percentage of the cohort interested in organic wasn't low enough already. =.= But thankfully, for my other modules, like Japanese 4 and forensic science, none of the exam dates, lectures or tutorials clash, so I will be able to take the electives I want. Now it all boils down to whether I will choose solid state or organic. I was already dead set on organic but now that Prof. Lai has been brought in it really makes me SERIOUSLY consider taking solid state, especially since the timeslot is much friendlier and seems less intimidating than Prof. Lai. After all, I've heard enough of horror stories about Prof. Lai to last me a lifetime. Hahaha.

Looks like I don't have affinity with you anymore. Should I be happy about that?

It's been exactly 2 months since my last post. Wonder if anyone's still reading my blog. If so, thanks! Haha.

Exams have just ended for me. As Billy used to say, I really don't know what to expect from my exams this time round. All I ask for is for my CAP not to drop. Hope that's not asking too much, though at this point of time, it really looks like I'm going to have to SU my Japanese 3.

Looks like I'm going to write a new story this holidays. With all this pent-up frustration and anger, I think my murderer from my story in crime fiction last semester is going to get a new friend this hols. Will this new friend of his use the baseball bat, razor blade or the drill? As the Mask would say, "Somebody stop me!"

I'm looking forward to the CIP with young NTUC's beneficiary soon. I hope it'll be a good experience interacting with all those needy young kids. Maybe that's the place I should really work at. I don't have to worry about grades or politics or all the nonsense that this society likes to stuff down my throat. I can lower my guard around them and just be myself. It'll be great to care for them, for somebody who truly appreciates your presence from their hearts. For somebody who smiles with their heart.

These holidays are really going to be busy. Special semester is coming up and MOE attachment will follow soon after. Busy busy busy. But I swear I will still keep time for myself. That's totally compulsory. Be it studies, gakkai or band, there definitely has to be some time which I will devote to wasting on myself. Time I enjoy wasting is not wasted time! To all who want to mahjong, PLEASE CALL OR SMS ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Learning to let go is really not easy. But I'm slowly getting there. In fact, I believe I'm almost there. I will achieve it!

Can't believe I'm writing my first blog post of the year only now, on the second day of CNY. Ok, so update about CNY first.

For some reason, I felt closer to my cousins this year. Even though I come from a family where cousins only meet once a year, I felt a lot closer to them this year than usual. Yes, we did play mahjong (no money involved) and Monopoly Deal this year, unlike other years, but I really think it's not totally due to the games. Somehow the chatting and other crap that we did just felt closer and... I don't know... It felt kinda different... But DEFINITELY in a GREAT way!

Without fail, the topic of bgf came up and as my third eldest cousin wasn't around this year, me being the fourth, the question turned to me. And my mind turned straight to you, though my mouth simply laughed it off and tried to arrow somebody else, and my heart did a backflip. Lolz.

CNY really isn't about the money or the food. It's about gathering and seeing your folks again, folks you probably don't see all year round. Folks whom you know you love but so seldom see. Today I saw my grandmother and I gave her a hug... =)

As for school, I'm starting to love the pieces we're playing for In Tempo this time round. Pieces like Persis, Armenian Dances, Machu Picchu... I'm really starting to fall in love with them! Not to say that I can play them very well yet because that certainly isn't the case. But as I listen to them more and more, it just sinks in and makes me feel more for these pieces. Feeling's awesome...

Band elections are coming up and I'm happy I don't have to worry about finding a successor. My successor already approached me to offer his assistance way before elections started, so no worries there. Can hand over very happily, though I sincerely hope that he won't faint upon seeing the state of the library... >.<

Going house-hopping with ASD tomorrow!!!!! Can't wait! Waking up so early is a bitch though... =P

I refuse to blog anything about work. Signing off here! Happy Chinese New Year everyone!!! あけまして　おめでとう　ございます！！！