sometimes i duno wad to hate... myself... or the world ard me... everywhere i go... i face e same probs... does dis reli mean tt sth's reli wrong wif myself? do i reli pt e finger at everyone n fail to c e 3 tt're pting back at mi? sigh... reli feel so down sometimes... i agree... im lazy n arrogant at times... but i oso do haf a hardworkin n humble side of mi... so y cant u c tt as well? i ask u to go home n rest cuz i bother n care... if u choose to tink tt im tryin to chase u hm so i can slack den ignts le thnx... im onli a pte... at most raise to cpl... but i do a sgt's work as well... nt much choice is there? if u choose to talk abt mi behind my back i cant stop u... but for heaven's sake look at urself... u flirt wif her e ENTIRE DAY!!! restrain urself for gdness's sake... u're married wif a kid... wad will ppl tink of u? of course, u do ur work to e best of ability... jz i like try to as well... u haf how mani yrs of exp le... how much of exp will i, a pte, haf?

m i lookin for universal acceptance? i noe i muz learn to accept e grey n nt always tink black n white... but hu noes how diff dis is for mi... hu can hear e steady drip of blood inside mi? hu is there when i haf to choke my tears back in? my workload may b small but im sorry, i struggle wif things inside as well... much much much more den u do...

i'm emo? wait till u exp e fury of everythin tt's ragin inside mi... sure, others oso exp dis inner struggle... well... can u tink of mi as one of these 'others'?

been such a long time since i last blogged... today for e 1st time since i enlisted, i got ATT C frm e MO in my camp... luckily my chest pains were just due to muscle strains... i reli gotta condition myself more... but it's always all talk and no action... but interestingly enough... e tots tt sprang into my head while i wuz battling wif my chest pains were kinda extreme... m i goin to die? cuz frm wad mdm ho told mi... 1 of her colleagues had e same exp... he experienced chest pains 1 fine day and the nxt day he collapsed on the floor and died... just like that... was tinkin to myself if tt were to happen to me, i'd reli leave wif so mani regrets... sigh...

i haf yet to fulfill my role in gakkai... no doubt bein in ASD has reli made mi a much betta person n i've loved every single second i've spent in ASD... but i still haf such a long way to go... i've nv felt so close to a student group in gakkai b4... in FD it wuz so general... i cld nv feel reli close... now in ASD... everything jz seems so great... den in my own district... i still haf so much to do... gosh...

i oso haf yet to sample true love... hahaha... difficult la... given my size n character... but i wun deny tt i reli yearn for a true rship... esp when i listen to love songs n watch shows tt involve dis i get so emo... like now... urgh... such a sucker for dis kinda thing... n some more now i dun haf studies to bug mi down... so i guess it'd b a gd time to enter into 1? note e qn mark... lolz... oh well... slowly find ba... but like i said... u can laugh n snigger all u want... but tt's seriously how i feel inside n i get so madly envious when i c happy couples ard mi... grrrr... hahaha...

i haf yet to fulfill my role fully as a son... my parents haf put in their hearts n souls to gif mi e best dey possibly can n i reli wana repay dis debt of gratitude... i owe dem so so so so so much... dey wun b ard foreva n i reli wana b e best son ever...

i haf so much to achieve... waitin for mi to achieve... yet im nt willin to cherish e life tt i haf now... itz onli when i see n feel danger signs do i wake up n c wad situation i reli m in...

somebody save me...

watched hairspray last wk... lolz... reli a super nice movie... great soundtrack... quite funny too... but most importantly... e msg tt itz conveying is jz awesome... racism was rampant in e past n it still is today... can't wait to watch rata2e... loads of super nice movies comin up... cant wait to catch all of dem...

y do i always let e smallest things affect me so badly? itz so NOT WORTH IT!!! dun let wad happened in e past influence e way u work now...

suddenly got dis mad urge to learn e saxophone... standin on a rooftop n playin it... surgin wif emotion... wif e night sky as my backdrop...

bein emo jz isnt e best thing to b at e moment...