i have to stop living in the past. the time is here and now. stop living in memories. they are but memories and will serve nothing to help you in your current situation now. stop dwelling in them. force yourself dammit.

so many things are coming all at one shot. kenshu is next week. my remedials with the j1s are starting. jlpt is in a fortnight. andrew's concert is coming. intermediate 4 for my jap class is starting next week. omg. lolz...

i never knew music theory was so difficult. i can't even grasp simple melodic and harmonic minor scales. really don't wanna stop just like that.

haven't touched my econs book for ages. must go flip through it again when i have the time.

my chem notes for the j1s also only managed to prepare the first few topics. it's really hell tryin to recall all that content. zzzzz...

caught 'body of lies' with vanessa ytd nite. i'm reli nt cut out for late night movies. e movie was ok only la. but i tink it'll make gd gp material lolz...

i'm addicted to driving...

ok, so i've been scheduled to have my wisdom teeth extracted. dentist arranged for me to have all 4 of them out at one shot but all my frens haf blasted at me for making that silly arrangement due to the incredible amount of pain i'm sposed to feel after doin that, so i'm gonna reduce it to taking 2 out, spread over 2 separate extractions, esp since 2 of them are still buried in my gums... >.<

that kinda throws a wrench into my plans for giving remedials to my j1s... i've already prepared the notes and all rdy to teach but now this surgery is gonna screw up my plans a little... apparently i'm nt gonna even be able to talk... sigh...

but on the bright side, my frens said it's gonna hurt to the extent i wun b able to eat much, so it's gonna be a liquid diet for a few days and even afta tt i probably oso wun b able to eat much solid stuff, so hopefully that'll make me slightly more petite than i am now? *crosses fingers

so much has happened recently. my 4D1 '08 has finally finished their o's... so happy for them. their prom oso over le... some of them really look soooooooo different in formal wear. hahaha... heard some new gossip in 4D1 too... dis class ar... from day 1 i teach them till now the gossip is really endless... lolz...

just realised there're so many things i really wanna do before i ord... like i mentioned in my prev entry, i wanna learn econs n modern dance... n now to add to e list, i wanna beef up my music theory as well... i'm definitely getting a macbook for uni and i dream of writing my own music with it in uni... but i tink b4 i do tt i really gotta go beef up on my music theory, otherwise no point i keep hearing all these tunes in my head but dunno how to pen them down... 2 yrs of losing contact with music does set u back quite a bit...

went for 'choir practice' with shan shan and li ling they all for teck kiang's wedding yesterday night... so excited abt it! really can't wait for teck kiang's wedding day... but gotta reach tsc by 9.45am for those helping out... sobz...

jlpt is comin so soon... and i still haven revised for it... argh... so gonna fail...

One of these days, one of these days, I will die, not from anything else, but from my own perfectionistic thinking and desire. Is this what anorexia and bulimia feels like? The constant desire to want something. Anorexics and bulimics yearn for weight loss. Perfectionists like me yearn for that ideal situation that can never be attained. I know that. So why do I still yearn for that? Why do I still continue to think so much into everything that matters not?

So many people are ord-ing this week. Pisses me off? Kind of, I guess. But oh well, what to do? I still got a farking 6 months left.

There are still so many things I wanna do before I ord. I wanna learn econs. I wanna learn modern dance. I wanna learn how to feel good about myself. I wanna learn how to accept myself for who I am.

Let's see now.

1. Econs. I never had the chance of learning Econs in JC, seeing that JJC had the wisdom to stop students from taking Biology and Econs in the same combination, since it appeared too heavy for them, though why they allowed students to take the triple science combination really surpasses the limited wisdom that I have.

2. Modern Dance. Don't look at me like that. I wanna dance. I've always liked dancing. That feeling of working it out on the dance floor was a great feeling. I always loved it when I danced with ASD. Our SD anniversaries were always great! Maybe I should get Kenneth to teach me modern dance. ^_^

3. I really wanna stop being a perfectionist.

Another emo entry...

just came back from malaysia a couple of days ago. just a little update... went with yu siang, wei han and juay kai... first time i went overseas with friends... went kl and genting for 3d2n... 1.5 days each... lolz...

for kl, i guess there really isn't anything special about that place ba... mainly did shopping... lots and lots of it... feel like i went shopping for other people rather than myself... cuz i kept buying presents for every1 but myself... bought some stuff for myself la... but somehw feel it's really v little... lolz... e bargaining was crazy though... juay kai was simply amazing... hahaha! esp at the night market...

for genting... it's a place i wld wana go just once... i don't tink i'll ever wanna go genting ever again in my life... i'm too young to gamble... the theme parks... when u've ridden one ride, u've ridden dem all... lolz... esp since my tolerance level for exciting rides is quite low... i got queasy from riding the pirate ship! wad kind of a loser m i? lolz... watchin yu siang and juay kai sit in the corkscrew roller coaster and space shot made me feel very thankful i wasn't on either of them. i think the ride i really enjoyed most was the spinner, where you sit on a seat dangling from metal chains, like a swing and it spins you round and round at quite a high speed... sounds lame but it moves up and down apart from spinning round n round... so it was quite fun for me la at least... lolz...

yu siang and wei han also learnt the basics of bridge when we had our late night card games... hahaha... they enjoyed it a lot and said it's much more interesting than daidee... hope we get to play again haha...

shared a room wif wei han for 2 nights... might as well get used to it la, since i'm gona share a dorm wif him in uni next yr hahaha...

my invisible armour simply hasn't been coming along... nic pointed out quite a few holes in it which i seriously gotta patch up... but haven't had the motivation to do...

feeling empty inside...