i need to stop being so sentimental... i need to stop living in the past... i really really really need to move on...

i really miss asd... not the asd that i'm in right now... the asd that i was in when i wuz in j1 and j2... more of j1 ba... i really love the feeling of camaraderie i experienced then... not that i don't feel it now... but being around those guys really made me feel so special... feel that i belong... feel that i've found my place... and now that we've all moved on... i really can't help missing those days...

i think we really should have a gathering for our pioneer batch of asd-ians... i really really want to relive those days...

so many people are gonna ord so soon... mine is sooooooooooooooo far away...

saw the new macbook last week... really totally fell in love with it... must get it for my uni laptop...

i need inspiration...

so many things have been happening recently. where should i begin?

going malaysia with juay kai, yu siang and wei han this nov... kl n genting for 3d2n... it ain't much... but it sure beats staying in camp...

oh yeah! just remembered what i wanted to blog about... shawn borrowed this book from the library that highlights errors in grammar in everyday life, such as 'return back' and 'free gift' (in case you're still wondering, 'return' already consists of 'back' and if a gift isn't free, then it wouldn't be a gift, would it?) and the author himself includes sarcastic remarks every so often. i picked it up and thumbed through quite a number of pages before i flipped to the first chapter to officially begin reading and nearly flung the book aside once i saw the title of Chapter 1, which was, printed in big, bold letters, "GRAMMAR ERRORS". i didnt know whether to laugh or to feel disgusted. maybe a little of both... FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE DUDE! IT'S GRAMMATICAL ERRORS OR ERRORS IN GRAMMAR! grammar errors... honestly... and i think what really takes the cake is that this author is picking out grammatical errors in everyday life. gosh.

dun feel like blogging anymore lolz. to my dearest 4D1 '08, 'O' levels are next week, so if you read this (why are you reading this? GO STUDY!), ALL THE BEST FOR YOUR 'O' LEVELS OK? I'LL BE ROOTING FOR YOU!!!

why do i feel so resistant against turning 20? that jump in the first digit of my age. does it really matter that much to me? is my life just gonna flash past my eyes because i'm turning 20? my branch ic says once i turn 20 my life will pass by very fast. >.< somebody please let me turn back the clock...

already turning 20, yet so many things still unaccomplished. what am i still waiting for?

another soldier died a couple of days ago. i was one of the first few nsfs to know, since my branch deals with training. really really very sad. cherish those around you, people, cuz you never know when you won't have the chance again. most of all, cherish yourself. love yourself.

funny i should say that, cuz i haven't been able to love myself recently. once again, the issue of my weight has been brought up. i'm fat. period. and the best thing is, it's entirely my fault, cuz i refuse to exercise and curb my diet. sometimes really hate myself for being this way. do i have a choice? many people say i do. does that mean i do? or is this way of doubting what others say merely an excuse for myself? i have tried umpteen times to slim down. where do i find the determination? can somebody tell me? people always tell me, "you must have the determination~! you must have the determination~!" right ok, i get you. so where can i get it? cuz somehow, it just isn't in me!

you'd think all this self-hate would spark off an anorexia or bulimia streak. sadly, it won't. i love eating too much. probably spark off a binge. eating does make me feel better. loads better. seeking solace in food. that physical sensation that masks the emotional pain.

so much for the emo talk. some of the guys gonna ord nxt month. clearing leave... clearing ffi... teaching understudy... when's it gonna be my turn? lolz...

oh well, happy advanced birthday to me!