I'm back from band camp! As usual, I'm lazy to upload photos, so please go to my fb to see all the photos!

I really enjoyed myself so much at band camp, though spirits were a little dampened by the rain but I think overall it still went well. Got to know a lot more people too, which I think is the whole point of the camp. I think it's great, cuz honestly, before the band camp, I only knew those in my section and a couple of the ex-co and that was it. I think my team was great too! JAGABEE!!! WOOHOO!!! Hahaha! My team came out top in the overall games! So proud of them! =DD But I was a little sobered when I saw the pieces that Prof Ho chose for In Tempo 2010. The pieces really are so tiring. Russian music is no joke. I don't know how the audience is going to appreciate all these pieces. Vin Yee and I were laughing our way through band prac cuz sight-reading all those pieces was just madness. Anqi and I were joking about how Symphony No. 5 had a printing error in the last page because all the woodwinds are doing nothing but tonguing an A (high A in the case of flutes) in quavers for the entire last page. Yirong moved away from me when I pitched my high A for the first time. Hahaha! Sorry Yirong~! The score tell me to do pitch high A at fff de... Not my fault! =P

Tonight I'm flying off to Taiwan for a week's holiday. Checking my results overseas. If not good then don't come back liaoz. Hahaha. Hopefully there's internet access there which I can use. >.< Okok before all the calls for souvenirs come, I'll do my best to see what I can bring back from Taiwan ok? I have a whole mass of people to buy things for so I can most probably only buy something small for everyone k?

School reopening soon. Sian.

In a flash of an eye, my holidays seem to be ending soon. Ok, I know most people think it's still early but it isn't for me. Well, my definition of 'holiday' is defined as days when I can just loll about enjoying doing nothing. I don't care if it's time wasted because time I enjoy wasting is not wasted time. It's a jolly good break from all that stress during term time, which, if I'm not mistaken, will be even greater next semester, considering the fact that all 5 modules I'm taking next term are extremely memory-intensive. As to why my holidays are ending, it's because band camp is coming up and so is my trip to Taiwan. By the time I get back from Taiwan, it'll be almost time to start bidding again. Haiz... Don't get me wrong, I look forward to band camp and my trip to Taiwan. But like I said, I just like the feeling of lolling about doing nothing. ^_^

I've been trying to make myself do something constructive but the only things I find myself doing nowadays are playing Fable and watching YouTube. Yes, I know Fable is an old game but I don't have a lot of choice, especially since I'm running on a Mac. Hopefully I can get Dragonage Origin for Mac soon. But I think it's not bad, for the first time in my life, I'm sticking to playing an RPG for so long. Haha. Ok, so now my life is that of the ideal 宅男 (since when it was not?).

I want to stay at home and slack for another 2 more months! Can sem 2 break come quickly? =P

I want to play overnight mahjong! Guang Liang, hurry up and organise can?

Came up with inspiration for my Prowler series today. It's a little different from my past entries, as this focuses on what happens after he does the prowling. Hope it still enthralls you.

"Why are you crying? Didn't he say he didn't want to see you appear in front of him ever again? I'm only helping him fulfill his wish. Shouldn't you be happy for him?" whispers the prowler into his victim's ear, before cackling with laugher, as tears stream down his victim's face, as she struggles futilely against the ropes around her wrists and feet and the sock in her mouth. "Not to worry dear, I'll make this as painless as I can, I promise. You won't feel a thing," croons the prowler, as he brings a knife edge across his victim's face, leaving in its trail a long, wet, red streak. "How coincidental that you should meet me right after your little quarrel. Isn't that wonderful? Now you won't ever have to quarrel with him ever again." The prowler draws a small jar full of a colourless liquid, rips off its cap and pours a small splash of it onto the cap. "Like I said, my dear, this won't hurt a bit." whispers the prowler as he slowly pours the few drops onto her head. His victim spasms in agony as the liquid hisses and smokes as it touches her scalp, running down her face, leaving streaks of scarlet in their wake. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I should have made myself clearer. It won't hurt once everything's ended. Once everything ends, there won't be anything left. Not to worry, it won't take long." The prowler seizes the open jar and empties its contents over her head. She bites furiously into the sock, writhing in pain and anguish, wishing for death, as the acid chews into her scalp and face, ripping it off to expose the raw, red flesh beneath. "Oh now now, we can't possibly have all that blood spilling everywhere. Tell you what, I'll help you wash up, all right?" says the prowler in a concerned voice as he picks up a can of kerosene and splashes it generously over his victim. "Feeling better now? Now give me a minute. With all that exercise, I think I need to calm down and take a smoke," grumbles the prowler, as he strikes a match and lights a cigarette. Looking down at the flailing body beneath him, he flicks the lit match towards it and walks off, inhaling deeply and chuckles, as the muffled screams of his victim blend in with the crackling flames.

Ok, after a one week hiatus, I'm finally back!!! So what's been happening this past week?

Ok, first of all, went for fluboe section outing with NUSWS fluboe section. Apart from the weather, I think everything went pretty well! Qing Qing's cookies and the oboe section's muffins really tasted quite good. Must learn how to bake soon, cannot just know how to eat. =P All pictures at my facebook!

Secondly, finally cleared my JLPT 3. No more exams for the rest of the year!!!

Thirdly, went for ASD BOE-ing Fiesta, which TOTALLY ROCKED MY LIFE!!! Can't remember the last time I had so much fun with the ASD guys. Hope we have another similar event soon!!!

Fourthly, my new table and wardrobe have finally arrived. Finally don't have to clutter everything together with my brother. The last thing that I need to put in my bedroom will be the two new chairs I'm going to buy this week. Alas, it will be out of my own pocket. Haiz...

Now that the holidays are here, I finally can take a well-deserved break. My first semester has been somewhat traumatising for me. Hopefully sem 2 will treat me better! >.<

I've also been playing Fable: The Lost Chapters recently on my Mac. Yes, I know it's an old game but there really aren't a lot of choice when it comes to games for Mac. I think it's not bad that I've finally taken an interest in gaming. I honestly don't have much interest in gaming on consoles, though that's where all the good games are being developed for. Oh well.

I also want to find time to write my 邱毕特的失误. I really haven't made much progress there. 真的是干打雷, 不下雨。But I promise I'll write something this holiday!!! Hahaha...

So sorry to my Prowler series fans, no inspiration today. Tune in next time!

FINALLY FINISHED MY EXAMS TODAY!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!! Today's Maths paper was ok, I guess, though I didn't have time to finish the paper and I realised plenty of mistakes when discussing the questions after the paper. Oh well, leave it to Prof Chew and the bell curve ba. Haha.

Went for lunch at Marina Square followed by KBox with Sok Koon, Chia Ling, Billy, Yu Siang and Eric after that. Dunno why, today just couldn't get high (for me la, at least). Went for our traditional Sakae Sushi buffet after that. I think I'm getting sick of that place and sushi. Can we go somewhere else next time guys? Lolz. Nearly barfed at the table. Chia Ling and Yu Siang told me they like my short paragraphs on the prowler, so I'll continue writing as long as inspiration decides to grace my brain.

She walks down the dark alley, barely lit by the solitary lamp post some distance behind. The small umbrella she grips barely provides shelter from the pouring rain. Splash, splash, splash, go her footsteps, as her feet almost submerge in the puddles on the floor. As she turns into a corner, a fork of lightning streaks across the sky, throwing the prowler who materialises out of nowhere in front of her and the gun he grips in his hand into sharp focus; a tall, straggly-haired figure with bloodshot eyes in a ripped, brown overcoat. Barely before she registers any of this, the loud clap of thunder above completely muffles the shot, her scream and the sound of her hitting the concrete ground. The rain bathes her in puce, as maniacal laughter blends in with the sound of rain.

Totally in no mood to study my Maths now, even though I only have five days left to it. It's my last paper, so I really hope I don't lose my momentum. Looking at Prof Chew's past year papers only serves to demoralise me at this point of time.

I'm still dwelling on CM1131. I know I should stop thinking about it because it's not going to be of the slightest help even if I do. But I really can't help it. I'm really so afraid of getting a C or having to repeat this module when I think of the answers I wrote and realising that most of them are wrong. I'm going to have an anxiety attack soon if I don't stop dwelling on it.

Speaking of anxiety attacks, I nearly had one yesterday. Nearly couldn't finish my GEK1535 paper on time. Almost had a heart attack when the examiner announced time's up. But I thought the paper was ok. Certainly one of my better ones, if not the best one, out of the four I've taken so far.

Am I cut out for uni?

Just finished CM1131 today. I think I'm going to have nightmares about it soon. I've never felt so much pressure for Chemistry as I have for this module, which, strictly speaking, isn't all Chemistry. I have this very deep fear of repeating this module. Billy told me Daniel did only two questions and got a B for it, which makes me feel a bit better. But when I think of what I wrote for my exam, any minute good feeling I might have vanishes on the spot. For the first time in my life, I was scared of discussing the paper after it ended. I was really very afraid to find out my answers were wrong, given that I really didn't write much for this paper. Billy also said the grade for CM1131 will be our Christmas present. Hopefully I'll want to come back to Singapore after seeing it. Everyone tells me bell curve will help. Let's hope it really does.

The prowler stalks his second victim, lurking in the black shadows. Chloroform-soaked handkerchief in hand, he pounces on his victim and brings the handkerchief to his victim's face. His victim goes limp after a few seconds' struggle. A flash of silver in the dark alley across his victim's throat. A surge of scarlet bursts forth, staining his clothes and forming a morbid puddle on the floor. His lips curl upwards as he walks away, letting the blood drain from his victim.

Really totally wrecked after today's papers...

Firstly, econs. Econs wasn't good for me since mid-term. Now, I think it's worse. SU? I think very likely. But I really don't want to waste an SU this semester.

Secondly, CM1101. Totally destroyed my morale. I blanked out for my MO diagram, screwed up my units conversion and couldn't get my Lewis structure right. There goes my A.

Let's see if the rest of my papers are going to be as screwed as this.

Operation 4.7? Ha...

He prowls behind his unsuspecting victim, wearing a grim smile on his face. Slowly, he edges towards his victim. His victim finally senses him and turns around. A gloved hand covers his victim's mouth, muffling the screams as he plunges the knife in his hand into his victim. Once. Twice. Thrice. On the third time, he twists his knife hard before yanking it out of his victim. Leaving his victim lifeless on the floor, eyes staring where they cannot see, he cackles, turns and walks off.

Is having past year paper solutions a good thing? Eric called me to discuss the past year paper solutions for CM1131 and we both got kinda agitated over it. Don't get me wrong, we were both agitated against the same thing: the shitty standard of the answers. Apparently, seniors struggle with CM1131 as much as we do by the look of their answers. =S CM1131 shouldn't be a level 1000 module!!!

Final term exams are in 3 days time. Do I feel prepared? To be honest, I don't know! I've done the past year papers for all the modules that have past year papers available on LINC but I also know those questions are not going to repeat themselves, so will I be able to solve the questions set this year? Mugging just doesn't seem complete without TYS. The past year papers are what come closest to the TYS but somehow I just don't feel too secure and I can't seem to do anything more about it.

A lot has been happening at home, physically. I finally don't have to share a room with my brother! Imagine, having my room for the first time in 21 years. Kinda sad hor. Lolz. But it's really great having my own room and privacy. My bro's got the TV in his room but honestly, I don't care. He's the one who's hooked on KBS world, not me. I've got my own room, my own bed and my own MacBook. I'm happy =D Really, all the TV I wanna watch can be found online, so what's the point of having a TV?

I'm really looking forward to the end of exams. Should I attend Torinomi sensei's farewell dinner? It's on the same day as Maths. Not that I really care, especially since it's the last paper. But my clique has a long day planned. Hmm, see how ba.

Ok, surprisingly long entry. To all having exams, JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After chionging 110 MCQ questions today, my brain really feels like a wrung sponge. I'm going crazy with all the stuff I have to memorise for macroecons. I HATE MACROECONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next week, D-Day arrives. That will mark the success or failure of operation 4.7.

Expecting me to push and strain my brain like that after two years is really nothing short of ridiculous. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear readers, I will most probably go on a hiatus till after exams. Till then, ciaoz.

刚刚看完"18禁不禁"第18集。在片尾，男主角的一句话我觉得非常有意义，各位男读者也可做参考。

兄弟们，想把妹，就一定要三心二意。要贴心、用心、细心，还要有诚意。最后，就要看天意。

看了觉得很有意义，想和大家分享。

今天就分享到这儿。晚安! =)

2 weeks left to first paper. Will I be ready?

RJC top scholar coming over on Wednesday to teach me Econs. LOLZ!

真想继续写我的"邱毕恃的失误"。

"je'taime vous" 这句话我什么时候才会有机会说呢？而听我说的那个人又什么时候才会出现呢？我看, 就只能随缘吧。

Ok, just got my grade for my CM1101 mid-term test, which is a crappy B+. Very disappointed with myself, cuz this is one of my stronger modules. Guess not. Not going to let it affect me so badly this time round. This is only 5% of my overall grade. I still have 70% to score in. OPERATION 4.7 WILL SUCCEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just received my letter for JLPT 3 today. Taking it at SMU this year. It's exactly one month from now and I haven't started revision for it. Woots.

My holiday plans are a little screwed up. =S

Choosing to blog now even though I'm dead beat. Couldn't get my CM1131 revision done as planned today, all thanks to the CM1131 mass tutorial, which, sad to say, I can't do everything. My end-of-term exam weightage for CM1131 is 70%. Woots.

The fact that I have less than 20 days to my final exams is getting to me. Seeing how I only just started revision a couple of days ago, I don't know how I will pull through for these upcoming exams. I can't seem to push myself to study, which is strange. I usually feel the pressure when exams are near. Isn't 20 days near enough?

Thinking back on what happened today. I'm actually doing all my learning of macroeconomics in tutorials. I learn when I realise what I do wrong. Will it be sufficient for end-of-term exams? Time will tell. Time to approach Connie for consultation soon.

My dear PC just died yesterday. Now waiting for the technician to come and revive it. Thank goodness my MacBook won't die on me so easily. Love Mac. WOOHOO!!!

Stress is increasing exponentially. I need to find a way to log it back to normal.

Mid-term tests are history. Whether I've done well in them or not, it's already cast in stone. Now I need to focus on what I can change.

I WILL NOT SHORTCHANGE MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!

絶対大丈夫だよ！！！！！

我真的好不甘心!!!!!!!! 为什么我为了数学那么努力, 那么拼命, 考出来的成绩却是那么烂呢？每堂课我都上, 每次都努力地听, 习题也都有做, 但却有这种下场？难道不去上课, 习题不做就能考得好吗？这样公平吗？真的好不甘心。。。

我就只能当凡人吗？

Sigh, it's about 20 days to my end-of-term exams and I haven't started preparing for them. Woots. I haven't been able to follow what my dear lecturers have been talking about for the past few weeks but I don't seem to particularly worried about it. Think I'm going to crash and burn for my final terms.

Haven't been able to do any work today except my lab report, which, I'm happy to say, I've finished. My CM1131 tutorial simply cannot make it because I have to plot so many graphs for it. Urgh. Trying to figure out what I should do and how I should do my CM1101 assignment, which is due on the 9th. Thank goodness I've finished my GEK1535 term paper. I can't imagine how it'd be like if all 3 of them were to crash together on me like that.

I'm really in no mood to do any more work tonight. I tried pushing myself to do my CM1131 tutorial but I just can't seem to get moving. I think I'll go watch my 18禁不禁 now ba. =P

Reaching my 500th post soon... Lolz... Just realised after looking at my blog's dashboard...

Went for Eric's Ge Yao Red-White competition today. Was kinda disappointed with the standard of some singers (sorry Eric), though I did like quite a few of them, especially the composer of the White team. Her voice makes my heart melt!!! Omg, her song really was nothing short of fantastic in my opinion. That was the most memorable part of that competition for me.

Can't wait for the holidays to arrive. Soooooooooooo many things I want to do this holiday. I want to really finish at least 2 stories in my 邱毕特的失误 and get round to finish writing the lyrics for my second song.

I've finally decided to let go. I really see no point. You're never going to find out I've felt this way towards you and even if you did, you wouldn't reciprocate it anyway.. I've learnt from 2 painful past experiences and I don't want to sink too deep. Best to shake myself awake while I still can. Time has helped me with this and will continue to help me.

I have finally completed my term paper for GEK1535. I've chosen what I think is the most interesting topic out of the 5, which is "Did Life on Earth Begin on Mars?". Lolz, I think quite a few of you all must be thinking that I'm crazy, which is somewhat true. Cuz I don't want to do something that everyone else is doing and besides, this topic caught my attention the most. If it can catch my attention, then I'm sure it can catch Dr. Lee's when he marks my essay, considering the fact that most people are going to choose the other topics, especially the one regarding socio-economic impact. Hopefully my essay will be a breath of fresh air or maybe something to chuckle at. I need a good grade for my essay! A+ for my essay please Dr. Lee!

I really ought to be sleeping now cuz I'm meeting Ms. Prabha for consultation tomorrow at 10am. Some more I'm not feeling well I really ought to get my rest. But the computer is just far too addictive. Thinking about tomorrow's lectures and feeling sian. I think I'm either going to sleep or stuff my face again in both Dr. Lee and Prof. Chuah's lectures.

Life's amazingly free after band practices have suspended for the time being. I actually go home on Thursdays now ^_^. Don't get me wrong, I don't dread band but it's a nice change being able to go home on Thursdays after about 10 weeks worth of band practices, especially since I end at 3pm on Thursdays so I don't waste a lot of time waiting for band to start. Thankfully I end at 6pm next semester, so there's no lag time between my last lecture and band, assuming I do get my Singapore Studies module. Don't fight with me hor people! Hahaha!

Planning for institution meeting this Saturday. Should I go? Sigh... Revision piling up, exams around the corner... But am I using all that as excuses? =|

"はい。" と　言う時、僕は　とても　嬉しく　成るよ。でも　いつに　言う？

Been about a week since I last blogged. Let's see, what's been happening?

Of course, Da Capo 09 just came to a grand finale on 23 Oct 09 with an almost full-house attendance at VCH, which I am just SO PROUD OF!!! I was really overjoyed when Benson announced we had hit 85% sales just before our final rehearsal on the day itself, which meant that there were actually more sold after that. I really enjoyed Da Capo to THE MAX!!!

Janet's wedding was on 24 Oct 09. She really just looked fantastic that day! And I got to meet up with my dear 4D1 '08 ex-students again. They haven't changed one bit, especially Wei Long. Ok fine, Wei Long did change. He's got this horrible fringe now that he keeps sweeping back every 3 seconds. It's an absolute curtain! But it's always hyper sinful when I go out with them. I missed SYM training and I ended up not doing an work on that day. =S Severe lack of wisdom...

And I think I've come to terms with my decision whether or not to quit band. I WON'T!!! I really love band too much to just leave it like that. I won't be able to stand life without band. I've figured out that the stress I've been feeling for the past few weeks was from two main sources. Firstly, my studies. I haven't been able to juggle and manage my time efficiently, hence the screw up. Didn't expect just two days worth of band would have such a large impact on me. Secondly, myself. I was putting far too much stress on myself because of my solos, which in the end nobody seemed to pay attention to. =P I've got to learn to take it easy and just enjoy the music! What's more, I think I will run for an exco position next semester, if available. Something that I would enjoy doing. It'll add on even more to my existing workload but I'm sure I'll be able to figure a way out, especially now that I have experience.

Well, all that sounds bright and beautiful. Now that band practices have terminated, I can focus completely on my studies without worrying about how my Tintin solo will sound like (though that also means the end of my eye candy for some time =P). My studies really are in a complete mess at the moment, which is not a good thing considering my end of term exams are a mere three weeks away. Three weeks to sort out 5 modules and JLPT 3. I'm more or less screwed. Hopefully I'll be able to salvage something. I haven't forgotten the promise I made to myself. CAP score 4.7 for this semester. Prof Bettens' tutorials are getting harder and harder to do. The final small group tutorial I just gave it up in despair. I really have no idea how I should go about doing it! Urgh... CM1101 was actually one of my more confident modules. Why do I feel so shaky in it now?

I need strength, wisdom and better time management...

Felt damn sian in school today. Really had no mood to study. Almost had to drag myself to CM1101 lecture, which is a surprise, considering the fact that I enjoy Prof Bettens' lecture the most nowadays. Maybe it's the stress that I'm experiencing now ba. Amazingly I understood what Prof Bettens was talking about despite my mood. Amazingly, inspiration came to me and I wrote half the lyrics for the second song. When inspiration refuses to come, it won't no matter how you try to squeeze it out. When it does, you sometimes feel miserable cuz you can't write it down fast enough. That was the way with my first song and I think it will also be the case for my second song. Hope the inspiration for the second part comes soon. I need to get into the mood, I guess. So far the two songs that I've written are pretty much sad and emo. I need to write happier lyrics.

Tomorrow I've got my 6-hour marathon again, followed by band sectionals. Gonna die liaoz.

Amazingly I've finished my formal lab report. Now left experiment 3 this Wednesday and I'm done for lab for the rest of this year. FINALLY!

Guess who I had in mind when I wrote those lyrics?

I'm blogging at this time now despite having 8am lecture tomorrow morning. In fact, to be precise, it's this morning.

Maybe I should just quit band. After the end of every band practice with NUSWS, I end up in such low life condition. I just feel that every mistake I make is amplified 10000 times, especially with that darned solo in Tintin. I'm just feeling incredibly stressed out now, especially when my concert is this coming Friday. I think I should quit band after this concert. It really is doing nothing but adding on to my stress level. I want to enjoy band. I love playing in a band, I really do. I love my instrument too, though I'm really not very good at it. I joined band to relax myself, to do something I enjoy doing. Why am I feeling more stressed when I'm doing something I should be enjoying? The best part is, it's my own perfectionistic nature that's pumping in most of my stress. Ironic, isn't it.

I'm tired.

I really want you by my side now. I don't care if you see the weakest, frailest side of me. I need you by my side.

Blogging at this kind of time. Woots. I'm honestly very tired now, probably will go to bed after this entry.

Went for ASD daimokukai today. Sadly though, I didn't have the time to talk to the guys. Really wanted to have a good chat with Min Kit, Qi Jun and Kenneth Guan. Really hope we can have ASD gathering or chalet at the end of this year. I kind of feel alienated from ASD now, which is a good thing I suppose, considering the fact that I have already graduated from ASD and should be putting my focus on NUSSD now. Haven't been doing very much in NUSSD recently. Been focusing far too much on studies and band. I need to give time to Gakkai as well.

I need to get started on my Atmosphere essay this weekend. I've been meaning to start ages ago but simply haven't gotten down to it. I only have barely 2 weeks left to submission. High time to get started le! I've had a confidence boost by my ozone profile and mid-term test. I really don't want my effort to go down the drain. I will get my 4.7 CAP score!

I've been seeing plenty of MOE posters and advertisements on bus 95 recently. Is MOE really that desperate for teachers? Lolz... I'd have thought with this economic downturn more people would turn to teaching, though these people won't last long in the profession if they're simply doing it for the money.

Lab report, 1131 tutorial, atmosphere essay, 2 econs online lectures, 2 cm1131 webcasts to watch... Just a couple of things on my to-do-but-don't-feel-like-doing-list...

So sad that you weren't there today...

What's wrong with me today? For the first time in a really long time, I felt this insane, burning rage in me today due to a combination of several factors.

Firstly, last night's lab report made me smack the keyboard of my laptop repeatedly in frustration, desperation and anger. The anger somehow didn't subside today even though I thought it did.

Secondly, results for Econs were released yesterday. Second blow. 21.75/30. In case you're thinking that's a good grade, it isn't. The mean mark is 21.85 and fyi, all modules in NUS are marked by bell curve, so if I continue in this state, the maximum grade that I can possibly get with this kind of score will be a B+. ARGH!

Thirdly, today I left the house at 10am, thinking I could reach school easily by 11am, considering I live in Boon Lay and the trip to Buona Vista shouldn't take that long. I rushed for the train, missed it. Next one came 6 minutes later. As if to add insult to injury, the train stopped for very long at Lakeside and Jurong East, nearly making me smash the window of the train carriage. When I reached Buona Vista, the 95 took a frigging 10 minutes to come and it stopped somewhere before Science Fac to allow for some construction shit going on AND I WAS REALLY READY TO SET THE BUS ON FIRE!!!!!!!! Had to fly to the tutorial room and ended up being 15 minutes late for tutorial. When all this pent up rage accumulates in me, I really will nothing short of explode! ARGH!!!

Ok, I need to chill.

Dear readers of The Silver Pool, should you one day find out that I have died a premature death, it will more likely than not be due to lab reports.

I thought doing CM1101 lab reports were tedious enough. But now with CM1131, all those calculations, I really feel like blasting my brains out. First time I struggle so hard with Chemistry, though I suppose this isn't really Chemical Chemistry, it's Physical Chemistry. I will be TOO GLAD to finish this module and GET THE HELL OVER WITH THIS F-ED UP MODULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No mood to blog today. Just wanted to vent my pent-up frustrations here. 2 more weeks of lab to survive before my free Wednesdays come.

I want and need holidays desperately.

Most importantly, I need you by my side to give me the support and strength that I need.

Hmm, amazingly I'm blogging now. Let's see, what do I have to say?

Today went for Maths and Econs tutorial. Was late for Maths =P stepped into the tutorial 15 mins past 10. Prof Chew came over and looked at my answer, something he's never done before, and smiled at me. Lolz, how the heck was I supposed to respond to that? Ok la, better than Yu Siang, who woke up at like goodness knows what time. Missed Maths tutorial and pon Econs tutorial. Tsk tsk tsk... After Maths tutorial went to library to print stuff and do Econs tutorial. I think 12/20 is a good score for someone who revises that particular lecture and does the tutorial half an hour before the tutorial XD. Siting brought her bf to Econs tutorial today. Actually, I really pity her bf. I'd get pissed off if I was with my gf and she's talking to other guys without seeming to give a damn about me. Went for Econs with Sok Koon and went back to library to study with her and Chia Ling after that. Sok Koon got teased by Daniel and Jereld. Haha. I tried studying for my Science GEM mid-term test this Saturday but for some reason, almost nothing went in. Haiz... I really don't want to waste my S/U on this module.

Went for tea break with Sok Koon and Chia Ling after mugging before going for band. Spent 2 hours outside the band room today again, cuz Prof Ho did the first half first. Actually, it was quite enjoyable outside today, cuz it was nice chatting with my other flautists and the saxophonists also in the second half. And I found the right lipping today! Finally got rid of the airy sound. This really boosted my confidence a lot and made me enjoy band prac so much more today.

I've got a mid-term test this Saturday and I honest-to-goodness have no idea how to study for it. I have practically no past year papers to refer to. I look at the mass tutorial questions I really have no idea how to do a single question. How does he expect us to do so many calculations when all his notes are so content-based with hardly any calculations? And fyi, the formula sheet he gives is nothing short of a waste of paper, considering the fact that he only included 3 measly equations there. =S But I got 5/5 for my ozone profile assignment, so I'm feeling quite encouraged but I really have no idea how to approach this module. Really regret taking this module. Haiz... Like that how to meet my target cap of 4.7?

What I need most now is a hug. A hug from you. That's what will really strengthen me. Wanna go have sea-salt ice cream with me?

This is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week
This is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week
This is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week
This is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week
This is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week
This is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is what I need to keep telling myself this week. I have a mid-term test to clear this Saturday, 5 modules worth of webcasts to watch and 3 tutorials to rush out. THIS IS NOT A WEEK FOR ME TO SLACK!!!! URGH...

I can't tell you how much I want this semester to end, so that I can finally focus on the things I really want to do, like writing my 邱毕特的失误 and going for band practices with peace of mind and going for NUSSD activities smoothly as well. I HATE THE FACT THAT EVERYTHING IS COMING IN AT THE SAME TIME!!!! I need to find my motivation to study! It's barely 7 weeks more till the final exams and I have yet to start. Best thing is, CM1131 lab starts tomorrow! Woohoo, brand new bunch of lab reports to make me scream and tear my hair out over.

Flute sectionals was kinda fun today, I guess. I still feel super inferior to all my fellow year 1s who can play 10 times better or more than me and it honestly gets me down real bad. I love band and the pieces we're playing and I really want to do my best and prove my worth of being in first flute. Today was really interesting though. We're going to sing the vocal parts for Tsubasa O Kudasai. A symphonic band singing its encore piece! LOLZ! Ok la, one instrument per part will still be playing the instrumental parts but the rest will be sung by the rest of the band. I'm really looking forward to how that's going to sound. HAHAHAHA!!!

what spell have you cast over me to make me think of you so often nowadays? Lift this spell from ne NOW! Why must you make me think of you again and again and again?

Finally updating my blog after about a week and many reminders. Haha.

I don't know why I've been feeling so down recently. Isn't one supposed to feel happy that the mid-terms are over? Sigh, maybe it's band that's been getting me down ba.

I don't know why. I just can't seem to get the band feeling in band I used to get back in sec sch and JC. Especially in JC, when my band was the smallest JC band in Singapore but also the most bonded and closest JC band. I loved going for band practices when I was in sec sch and JC but I kind of dread it now. I just seem to feel so stressed, so intent to get everything right but getting nothing right in trying to do so. Why do I feel like everybody is giving me that kind of look in band? Where's the feeling of cohesion, laughter and fun I used to have in band? Is it difficult to find in a section this big? Am I just the odd one out? Is it because of my crappy playing? Or is it simply my perfectionistic thinking coming into play again? Haiz... Today's mass combined woodwinds sectionals felt like a total waste of time, considering I had to sit outside for 2 hours as I'm only playing in the second half of the concert and practise with Valerie and the rest playing in the second half. Felt like a waste of time, especially since I rushed through dinner with my parents, which was the first one in a long time cuz I've been preparing for my mid-terms. Zzz...

I've got a final mid-term test coming up this Saturday, my Atmosphere GEM. I honest-to-goodness have no motivation whatsoever have no motivation to study for it. I somehow feel that I'm going to S/U this module but I really don't want to waste it here. I'm a little concerned for my Arts GEM and SS. Lolz. Sok Koon told me about this Arts GEM on Crime Fiction and I'm really super interested in it. Was really very excited about the module when I heard that we were supposed to write a play on Crime Fiction. >.<

Today really felt crappy. But your sms somewhat cheered me up a little. A slight comfort to know that you'll still approach me when you need help. Will you come support me at my concert? Really hope so =)

Ok, shall blog now otherwise Sok Koon and Chia Ling will complain that I never blog. Haha =P

Ok, so just finished CM1101 mid-term test. Shan't discuss answers here, since Sok Koon doesn't like it. I feel quite comfortable about it la. Hopefully my upcoming papers are equally ok.

I'm getting addicted to listening to Cao Ge's My Way. I really love the way he can control two voices at the same time. And the texture of his voice, he really makes me just close my eyes and let go of all my stress. I don't care what news has been springing up around him recently. All I care is that he still can sing in that incredible voice of his and I can't wait for him to have a concert here in Singapore again!

Sian, tmr got CM1131 again. Prof Chuah going to start lecturing. Let the hypnosis begin.

Amazingly I'm blogging at this time when I should be studying or resting. But I've just had like one of the best days of my life yesterday and I really wanna blog about it.

My early 21st birthday party was held yesterday at Chevrons chalet. Jeron and I checked into the chalet at around 3pm. Thanks to his membership, I managed to get this chalet at a lower price. He left for his piano lesson after that. As a result, I was left alone to do up the decorations. Fyi, every balloon, except for 1 or 2, including those big dildo-look alike balloons were blown up by me by the power of my lungs and diaphragm. I sure can blow ;) Sok Koon, Eric and Chia Ling came not long after that and helped out with the decorations. Actually, we didn't really decorate much la, just tied the balloons along the railings and the side of the second floor overlooking the first floor. Andrew came not long after and we played Uno together. Feel really bad towards Andrew, he stayed all the way till I cut my cake and during that time, most of the time he was sitting alone in one corner. The same for Nina, when she came later. I'M SO SORRY GUYS!!! But they were really buddies la, staying all the way till cake cutting, which was at 8.30pm. It's a long wait ok, considering Andrew arrived at 5+pm and Nina arrived not long after.

So more and more people trickled in as 6pm passed. Eventually, my small chalet got so crammed, which is a GREAT THING! I was so afraid nobody would come. And I also have to apologise to my dear ASD-ians. I made them run to IMM to buy stuff for me. Cost them a bomb and I haven't exactly paid them back yet. =P

I'm lazy to go through the rest of the day. Haha. Photos can be found at my facebook. Wei Zhi has very kindly made a collage of all the photos into one big picture and now it's my laptop wallpaper, which I doubt I'll be changing any time soon. LOVE IT!!!

Kudos also to the NUSSD peeps, Derui, Jiahao, Gerald and Tammie, who stayed till like 1+am and helping me in tidying up the place and clearing the food, especially Derui. Note to all single girls around 24 years old, Derui is a good catch if you're looking for someone who will help you do all the cleaning and tidying at home. HAHA!

And last but not least, thanks for all the presents guys. I really didn't expect half of them. Appreciate and love them loads!!! Thanks so much guys!!!

Something wrong with my latest post. Typed it out but nothing appeared =S stupid blogger...

I'm feeling more and more stressed as the mid-terms approach. I know it's only mid-terms but that really will make a difference in the grades. Sigh, looks like I can't seem to practise what I preach to my juniors.

I still have yet to start on my revision, though mid-terms are like less than 2 weeks away. Somehow, I don't think I can fit everything I want to do into that puny 7 days in recess week. Urgh...

Bumped into Jasper at the bus stop today after Econs. Chatted with him on the 198. First time seeing him in NUS. Lolz. He still pretty much looks the same.

Lab tomorrow. Titration and kinetics. Yawnz. But at least it'll be fun to talk to Chen Yang, Jon and the rest again. Haha.

Got my new hp yesterday. Nokia E71. I love it la! It's been on the market for some time now and I've been eyeing it for quite a while and now it's finally mine. So shiny and sleek. XD

Today was Dr. Connie's last lecture before Mr. Chan takes over her for macroeconomics. Haiz. I'm gonna miss her lectures. Her lecture is the one I enjoy most out of the five la... Hopefully Mr. Chan's lectures will be just as exciting and interesting.

I think I've decided. I'll do it in the holidays. Hopefully, I'll be ready by then. And hopefully, that won't mark the end of our friendship.

Time really seems to pass unnaturally fast in NUS. Week 5 is coming up le. Starting to feel more and more stressed about mid-terms liaoz, especially since I'm still so shaky in concepts in all my modules.

My time on my laptop has become somewhat routine. Check email, check facebook, use msn, watch youtube. My life screams nerd.

For those who are regular readers of my blog I hope you'll understand when I keep blogging about the same things over and over and over again because I'm the type who will dwell on certain things over and over again until they're resolved. Only paper (in this case, virtual paper) has the patience to listen to me talk, grouch or emo about the same things over and over and over again without grumbling or complaining, thus I like to type all my emotions here, be it happy, sad or emo stuff, and they can keep repeating themselves over and over in my head, thus the repetition here likewise.

Sigh, I slept 2 hours in the afternoon just now, so totally don't feel like sleeping now. Best thing is, tomorrow I got 8am lecture! Woohoo!

I couldn't help but think of you when I was watching it. I really need to shake myself free of all this. I need to get you out of my head. SHOO! =(

Ok, I am super super shagged now but I just wanna squeeze in a last blog entry before I sleep.

Went for Billy's birthday party just now. Shan't go into the details here. Pics will be up on my facebook acct soon (I hope) and the details of the party can be gotten from Sok Koon's blog, conveniently linked on the left.

I'm desperately trying to find modules to map for SEP, even though I can only go in year 3, if at all. I hate the fact that Science students, in particular Chemistry students, have such a hard time trying to find modules to map. I really want to go for SEP!!! Urgh... Almost crying liaoz.

Went for homevisit today and going for another one tomorrow. Finally going to add another 2 to my count. Been really lazy recently.

I don't know if my target for this semester is a little too ambitious. It goes something like this:

CM1101: A
CM1131: A-
MA1421: A-
EC1301: A
GEK1535: A-

Target CAP: 4.7

Ok ok ok, hold the eye-widening and disbelieving snorts. I know it's high but bear in mind, this is a TARGET! Something I'm aiming for. How can I do well if I don't aim high? First time I have the courage to put this kind of grades as my target but as all my seniors have been telling me, my first semester is extremely important and the CAP that I get for this semester will determine where my CAP will fluctuate around in future semesters, so yeah...

I know I've been talking mostly about studies in my recent posts. Yes, your suspicions have been confirmed. I have officially evolved into an overly grades-conscious, highly paranoid mugger.

I hate the fact that I miss you. But what I hate even more is the fact that you will never know and never care about the fact that I'm missing you.

Blogging from Chongsheng's room for the second time. Feeling damn tired now.

Today's band practice really was like one of the worst for me. My playing sucked like shit. I really don't think I should stay in 1st flute any longer. It doesn't help when the people sitting on either side of me are really pro and it's worse when one of them is a year 1, which seems to rub in the fact that I really need to buck up. I love band and I really want to play well for da Capo. Sigh...

Life's getting harder. Lectures are getting harder to understand. I really struggled to try to listen during the last Econs lecture. Zzz... I only got like 12/20 for my Econs tutorial 2. Really need to go understand my Econs concept a little better.

Ok, I'm shagged out from band prac. This shall be a short entry.

HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY TO ALL TEACHERS, EX-TEACHERS AND TEACHERS-TO-BE!!!

Something happened today that made me really want to blog. I received 3 Happy Teachers' Day messages, namely from Nicholas Wee, Sin Yee and Jixiang. It really warmed my heart and made me smile inside when I saw those messages and I think they'll be more significant to me than the ones that I might receive in future when I'm actually a teacher, simply because I'm not a teacher now but my ex-students actually bother to remember me and send a simple message to me, which I really really appreciate! So if you read this guys, it was a small thing but it meant a lot to me. =)

Today I sat with my OG as usual. Sok Koon told me to sit behind her cuz I get irritated by her talking during lecture, so she said sitting behind her the noise not so bad. WRONG! She sit in front of me I could still hear her voice as clearly lor... And it didn't help that I was already straining my ears to try and catch what Professor Stephan was talking about. Haiz...

And as for Econs lecture, today Marilyn didn't come for lecture, thus it was the first time I couldn't understand most of an Econs lecture. And it doesn't help that the topics are getting a little difficult to understand. Haiz. I WANT MY A FOR ECONS!!!

I bought 陈乃荣's new album 'Paradise' yesterday. Not all the songs in it are nice but I don't regret buying it cuz some of them are terrific! Some of his songs are songs which I can listen to 10000 times and not get sick of, which is saying something, considering I don't take easily to new songs.

Lab starts tomorrow. Sianz...

Just finished watching 终极三国 ep 27. The ending was a little emo, but I kind of like that. I've got like zero mood to do Chemistry tutorial at the moment, even though it's due on Tuesday, which seems like a long time but bearing in mind I still have Maths and Econs to rush out as well. Will I really do it tomorrow? Haha, that remains to be seen.

I'm still waiting for my Invisible Armour to bear fruit but I doubt it'll be any time soon I guess. Creative juices don't flow as and when we want them to, speaking from first hand experience.

I really need someone to help me curb my appetite. I need someone to help me curb my cravings. My bad eating habits are slowly coming back to me again and I seem to have no control over them. I still remember what my officer said to me back in army, "You're the kind of person who won't slim down for yourself." So who will I slim down for? And when will that person appear? Hopefully before I add another 10-20 kg to my weight.

I've also been neglecting my 邱毕特的失误. The book's been lying there since don't know when. Maybe I should get started on it again now that I've got my laptop. I think I should chiong all my tutorials by Monday, so I can stay in the library and type it out on Tuesday, since I have a 4-hour break then, all thanks to Dr. Lee cancelling my GEM lecture for this coming Tuesday.

I'm actually quite looking forward to International Exchange Day this coming Thursday. Finally going to be able to ask to my heart's content about going on SEP. It really is heartbreaking to see that all the English programmes for Japan are humanities-intensive and the ones offering suitable Science programmes only take year 3 and 4 students. BUT I WON'T GIVE UP! Not until I get a complete answer!

Should I continue with my CM1131 tutorial tonight? =P

我现在应该最能与陈乃荣的“召唤兽”感到认同吧...

Blogging now has become somewhat a daily habit liaoz. Don't know why I have so much to bitch about.

I'm quite pleased with myself today. Surprisingly, I managed to understand a large chunk of what Professor Stephan was lecturing on today. No doubt, this was partly because quite a fair bit of it was built up from JC but it was nevertheless encouraging to finally sit in a CM1131 lecture and understand most of what he's saying, considering the fact that I usually lose track of what he's saying five minutes into the lecture.

Went out with Sok Koon, Yu Siang and Billy today. Had dinner with them. I amazed myself by eating yong tau foo. Long long time never eat liaoz, though the portion of bee hoon that the lady gave me was...... We had a great time chatting and laughing as we always do. I'm actually quite surprised that my clique can talk about certain things quite openly with girls. Lolz. Of course, just cause we talk about them doesn't necessarily mean they get them. Poor Sok Koon and Chia Ling usually look rather blur when we discuss certain topics =P

Rushed down to SYC after having dinner with them. Thank goodness we had dinner at Vivo, otherwise I'd never make it in time. Friday Rendezvous really was very good tonight. I really love the ambience they have at Fri Ren, even though I've only been there about three times. Tonight is the last of this series of Fri Ren, which I think is a pity, cause they're 'upgrading' to ICA in future. I put upgrading in inverted commas because I think, as does Dixon, that the feeling wouldn't be the same anymore in ICA. SYC gives me the nice, warm, cosy, emo feeling that really appeals to me, something that a large venue like ICA won't be able to give. Especially the lighting in SYC that they use, I think I'm going to use that kind of lighting in my own home in future to create the same effect, where possible. That kind of feeling is really really great, something that can calm me down and relax me after a hectic day in school.

Jap class tomorrow. Hope I don't mumble or stutter. Haha. >.<

Throughout Friday Rendezvous, all I could think of was you.

Ok, I bought a second-hand textbook today at $42. Worth it? Don't know. But I can use it for year 1 and 2, so I suppose it's good =P. Going to buy my Physical Chemistry tomorrow. I really will die if I just rely on Professor Stephan's notes.

Today had Maths and Econs tutorial. Prof Chew had to rush a bit with Maths, considering the number of questions and amount of time but at least I understand his tutorial. My poor Econs tutor, a PRC Masters student doing his PhD now. I really pity him. Not sure if this was his first time giving tutorial or what but he really was quite nervous and when you compound that with the lack of fluency in English it just didn't come out well. On the other hand, Econs tutorial was mainly MCQ, so that wasn't too bad. I didn't score too bad either, managed to get 12/15. Hope I can continue to get that kind of score or improve on it in time to come!

I will get my 4.5 CAP!

Thinking about you is going to drive me crazy soon. I just can't seem to get you out of my mind. I think the day it is finished will be the day you realise. And I suppose that will also draw the full stop to our friendship. They're right. I should and I will get it off my chest.

Ok, so free days doesn't necessarily mean productive days. Today I slept till noon, so that was half my day wasted. Then after finishing everything you usually do after you wake up, I made a to-do list that went something like this:

1. Finish EC1301 tutorial.
2. Type out CM1101 tutorial answers.
3. Finish CM1131 tutorial.
4. Figure out which textbooks to buy.
5. Inform my tutee of tuition this week.
6. Figure out how to use Junhong's GC.

So I managed to finish 1, 2, 4 and 5, which actually isn't a lot if you think about it. Econs tutorial is mainly MCQ, my Chem tutorial answers I already have, just that I wanted them in a nicer format. Figuring out what textbooks to buy doesn't take very long, seeing that the IVLE website has pretty much all the info I need about the textbooks. Also, informing my tutee about tuition this week also takes about 5 minutes, so all in all, I've wasted my last free day for the next few weeks to come, seeing that my lab sessions start next week. ARGH!

My seniors tell me buying textbooks is a waste of money but I think they're important to me, especially my Chem core modules, in particular CM1131, where I can't understand a single shit dear Professor Stephan is talking about. The best thing is, a large chunk of this module is about physics. Whee...

I wonder if I'm getting myself stressed out. Is this stressing myself out? For heaven's sake, this is only my first semester! But precisely because it's my first semester that I cannot afford to screw up! I really won't forgive myself if I do. I need to score. I must score! CAP score > 4.5!!!!!

Sok Koon's blog has become top blog in our OG. I must strive to be second-top blog! LOLZ! Honestly, the way her cbox has been flooded... It's really crazy.

Waiting for De Wei to give me a reply on my Invisible Armour. I know I'm being really impatient but I can't help it. I'm really so excited about my lyrics becoming a song at last!

Today I got myself all excited that Tohoku University in Japan actually offers Science courses in English, when all other Japan universities' are Humanities-intensive. But sadly, they only accept year 3 and 4 students. Got me all excited for nothing. I wonder if they'll make an exception for me. =P

I've been blogging a lot recently. Well, if you're a new reader to my blog, you'll eventually find out I like to stop for some time, then start again and when I start again I blog quite intensively, sometimes even twice a day when I get the chance. If not, my blog can be dead for up to 3 weeks or a month, sometimes longer.

Ok, I'm sleepy, amazingly after less than 12 hours of being awake. Ciaoz.

Ok, so the stress is finally coming in. I've finished CM1101, MA1421 and almost done with EC1301! Long time never feel this kind of sense of achievement liaoz. Lolz.

My gang went over to BK for lunch today. I was joking with Eric on the bus saying that people chiong the bus for lecture and tutorial we chiong for BK. Haha. Well, like what Sok Koon wrote on her blog, we were talking about SOW today and how Sok Koon felt about our OG. She nearly made Billy and Yue Han leave the table. But now she says she really never regret la. For more details, go to her blog (conveniently linked on the left).

I'm really happy that De Wei is helping me out with my 'Invisible Armour'. Can't believe that he likes the lyrics so much, though personally I find it really crappy next to the album he just cut. But whatever the case, I really can't wait to hear the tune for the very first song I've written. To all who like emo songs, this song will appeal a lot to you, I'm sure.

I've been troubling myself over SEP recently. I've taken a look at the Japanese universities that NUS has ties with and I'm kind of worried about what kind of programme I can take over there. My proficiency level at most also up to JLPT Level 3 only, which really is very low. But that's not the main concern ba. It's whether I can actually go there in the first place. How the heck am I supposed to map modules? I look at the programmes they offer like nothing related to science lei. I've put my heart and soul into working towards SEP I really don't want it to go down the drain just like that, especially all the effort that went into brushing up my Japanese.

There's no band prac for me this week. I feel lost.

ごめんね。僕は　あなたが　本当に　大好きだよ。でも　あなたは　永遠に　知らないね。
あなたは　僕が　好きだったら、僕は　世界の一番うれしい男の子になるよ。あなたは　してくれるかな？

I'm now blogging from my friend's laptop in my friend's room in NUS. Haha.

Sigh, now that I've agreed to go for MJT's wedding, I don't know what to get her. I think it's only right that I get her a gift right? Really nice of her to still invite me for her wedding. Haha. Wonder if 4D1'08 will be going to her wedding. I think most probably will be going right? Guys, if you're going and/or you don't know how to go, can drop me a line if you want. I can practically walk there from my house (=P) so I can give you directions if you need.

Suddenly having my own room doesn't seem so exciting anymore. It's true that it's your own space and everything but I think it's also quite claustrophobic lei, especially for a person like me who really needs a lot of space. I thought residences were bigger than hall rooms. Guess not. Hahaha. I still like my own room better. Waaaaayyyy better.

Suddenly all the work seems to be flooding in. I've got Econs, Chem and Maths tutorial to complete by this week and I haven't started on a single of them. And my aim is to get a CAP score of 4.5 this semester. Looks like I've got a lot to work on if I really want that CAP. Amazingly, I understood quite a bit of what Professor Bettens was lecturing on today, about the Schrodinger Equation. I can't really get the last part but I managed to come to the conclusion myself that it is due to this equation that electrons exist in orbitals and in orbitals of that specific shape. WOOHOO! And Professor Bettens is like a way better lecturer than Professor Stephan is. =.=

Went for NUSWS practice today. Played like a pile of dung. Michelle put me in first flute. Fyi, the range of first flute notes in sec sch is the range of second flute notes in uni, so I'm playing first flute, i.e. I see ledger lines in almost every bar. And not just one or two... Four or five! I really need to get in touch with my instrument again. Sobz.

Before band prac, went to support Billy and Eric at their NUS Voices audition. Was much much shorter than I expected. I thought it went quite well, except that there were a few hiccups towards the end ^_^... After that we headed to the student lounge to play pool. Really had a lot of fun! Though I got beaten by Billy. Haha. We also had a good time laughing at Yu Siang about how he kept sinking the cue ball =P (hope he doesn't read this).

I also feel very appreciative of my OG. I'm really so so so glad that we're so bonded! Sok Koon was telling me today that she had friends in Yoshi Island whose OGs weren't bonded at all, so I really feel so happy being in Cyclops! Really hope our OG can stick together for 4 years ^_^!

I've also been giving SEP some serious thought recently, to the extent of clearing modules and planning ahead, even though it's only my second week into the semester. But I think it's never too early to plan =). I just hope nobody will fight with me over going to Japan for exchange. But I shudder at the thought of having to learn Chemistry in Japanese! OMG! There's a Periodic Table in Japanese!

As Cupid sinks his arrow into the poor boy's heart, the Grimreaper tightens his claws around the poor boy's neck. Which is stronger? Cupid's arrow or Grimreaper's claws?

Ok, so it's 3pm now and I still haven't done a single scrap of revision, though I was so full of drive and zest yesterday. Looks like I have super high inertia. And the best thing is, i'm blogging now!

Ok, a short recap on my lectures recently.

CM1101: Principles of Modern Chemistry
It says there Chemistry but I've been learning nothing but Physics in this module, specifically Quantum Physics. Vomiting blood over this module soon, as I absolutely HATE and ABHOR Physics but much as I hate to admit, Chemistry does sit on Physics fundamentals, so I guess I don't have much of a choice. Hopefully the Chemistry will come in soon. Thank goodness Professor Bettens is interesting to listen to.

CM1131: Basic Physical Chemistry
This lecturer has an extremely strong German accent and the entire lecture can't seem to get a single shit of what he's talking about. During my last lecture, I was so thankful Marilyn was sitting beside me. At least we could engage in some intellectual conversation over what he was explaining, though we still couldn't figure out much. With this module, I have yet to vomit blood but I guess it will be soon. Sooner than CM1131, no doubt.

MA1421: Basic Applied Mathematics for Sciences
Thank goodness my lecturer is a Singaporean for this module. Surprisingly I can understand what he's talking about, despite my notoriously shitty standard in Maths. Well, I can understand SO FAR. Hopefully it'll remain this way till the end of the module. Though of course, I have yet to get started on the tutorials, so I can't really check my understanding but so far it seems better than my Chemistry modules.

EC1301: Principles of Economics
Undoubtedly my favourite module so far, even though it's from 6-8pm. I love the fact that I can understand and appreciate practically everything that my lecturer is saying so far, especially since I have zero Econs background. Definitely going to aim for an A in this module.

GEK1535: Our Atmosphere: A Chemical Perspective
One of my more boring lectures, which is a pity, since Professor Lee is actually quite an engaging speaker. It's just that the content that he lectures on is just so BORING!!! Gosh, there were so many people sleeping in his lecture! More than half of those who weren't sleeping were sitting with their heads on their hands propped on the table or otherwise stoning.


On a brighter note, NUSSD Campus Connexion is this Saturday, though that means I've got to collate the attendances and decide on what to contribute for the picnic on that day but at least it'll be a day away from school, just like today. Haha. But one thing I don't look forward to are my Jap classes. Mizuzaki Sensei has a way of making me feel incredibly stupid. Urgh. I WILL PASS MY JLPT 3 THIS YEAR!

I love blogging from my laptop. WOOTS!

And now, even that small glimpse of hope that I had has been snuffed out. Why should I hold on? ='(

Ok, there really is a lot I should be blogging about but I really have no idea whatsoever where to start. Hmm... Let's see...

First up, orientation. I don't think I've talked much about it. It really was a lot of fun and I really love my OG loads. We weren't always very into what the agenda of the entire orientation was, but we were very high when we were left to ourselves! Hahaha... My OG comprised of 12 girls 6 guys, so it was a little =X at first but turned out they were really all very nice people and we had great fun during orientation. Secret pal was kind of interesting, I guess, but maybe more of because it was my first time doing it. I usually mumble and stutter when talking to a girl alone for the first time and I talk about the stupidest things under the sun, so I guess I didn't leave a very good impression, which is usually the case. Our conversation also a bit 'leng chang' but we managed to talk quite a bit about our love for music. Turns out she used to be from Chinese Orchestra. And the best part is, for the gifts that we made for our secret pals, we actually made them with each other's instrument in mind. She made this really cute figurine of a guy playing the flute. I, on the other hand, with no artistic flair, made her a quaver and dotted the word 'ERHU' across it, which was the instrument she played. Needless to say, my gift for her looked nothing short of hideous, compared to the one she made for me. Haiz.

Orientation went by far too quickly, though I was partly glad it was over, as I was seriously lacking in sleep. For those who don't know, I'm a person who CANNOT go without his sleep, so goodness knows how I'm going to keep myself going in uni, when I hear so many stories of how people burn the midnight oil like nobody's business.

ASD Connexion came next. I was so happy that my group won for my very last ASD Connexion! Really felt that this was a great gift for me to remember my dear ASD by. I'm going to miss you guys so so so so so much! I think I remember the water bombs game the best. Was supposed to protect my YWD from getting bombed but she ended up being the wettest. Paiseh ar! =P

So lessons have started for a week already but I don't have the feeling that school has already started cuz it's been lectures only so far and I get to go to school at odd odd timings like 2pm... no tutorials and labs as yet, so it's still pretty much relaxed. But I can barely catch 20% of what my lecturers are saying, especially my lecturer for CM1131!!! Omg, I thought I applied for Chemistry major! Why am I studying all Physics material now? Principles of Modern Chemistry now learning EM Spectrum. =.= Physical Chemistry teaching gases. I'm like... wtf? Heng my maths and econs still not too bad. Surprisingly I could understand everything the lecturer was talking about in econs and maths, considering my notoriously shitty maths standard and having zero background in econs... Econs really looks so interesting! Ok, if people can get A and A- without having prior background then so can I! WOOHOO!!!

Went for NUSWS welcome tea yesterday. They put me in the first row, playing first flute, when this is my first time in 2 years officially playing with a band again. Obviously, I struggled like crazy to cope with my breathing and sight-reading. Urgh. Some more I told them I play piccolo previously, then now cuz their piccoloist might not be playing for the upcoming concert, they'll want me to play it! Omg, I think I'm gonna die if that really happens... I mean, I love the piccolo... but that doesn't mean I can play it well! Zzzz...

Ok, enough worries... Signing off!

I don't need or want a repeat in history... But this feeling really is torturous...

It's been almost a month since I last blogged. Time really flies.

First time I'm blogging from my beloved new MacBook Pro. I really love it, though it's still pretty much just an empty shell at the moment, considering the fact that I have yet to transfer all my files from my PC to my MacBook Pro.

Just finished orientation yesterday. I'm really dead shagged, even though I'm blogging now at midnight haha. I really just want konk out for the rest of the weekend but unfortunately, I won't be able to do so due to ASD Connexion. Not that I'm complaining, my last Connexion has finally arrived and I'm not going to miss it for the world!

At least my timetable for this week says my Wednesdays are free, without the tutorials, so this Wed is gonna be a rest day as well! WOOTS!!! Hopefully I can keep it that way. =P

The weather's been horrible. I need to stay healthy.

Boo... Being random now cuz I'm tired.

I love my new laptop!

是邱比特的箭硬，还是死神的爪强？Can anyone answer this question?

I think this is going to be the first line of my 邱比特的失误 之 胜洁恋. I've really been really lazy in writing it recently, though mostly it's because I have no time, since I'm working now.

I'm working at CTSS, as a clerk in the general office, doing data entry. My fingers are being worked to the bone but the ladies in the general office keep feeding me over and over and over again. No surprise if I put on 10 kg in my short stint there.

Giving Sinyee japanese tuition this Sunday. Omg, long time never teach japanese liaoz. Hope I don't teach the wrong thing. =P

LaserQuest with NUSSD guys today was FUN! Though I suffered a small injury, it was still great overall. Thank goodness I'm finally starting to warm up to them a little! Had a great time playing, chatting and eating today. Hope we have another outing again soon.

Buying new clothes soon. Sian. Dun really know what to buy. But I seriously need new stuff. Lots of it. But where to get the money from?!

I need a hug...

Went for SYF Concert Band Presentation at Esplanade yesterday. I really must highlight some of the players there.

ACS(I) Percussionist and Piccoloist
The piccoloist really had an excellent tone with very strong support. I could hear it so clearly and well-pitched right from the back of the hall. Really great!

The percussionist looked like a crab! He handled 4 mallets at one shot and played the xylophone and the bells at the same time! And he juggled between 4 different instruments at one time. I think nobody was looking at the wind band. Everyone had their attention locked onto that percussionist and I dare say 70% of the cheers and claps at the end of the performance were for him.

AJC Piccoloist
I'm in love with the AJC Piccoloist! Omg, her tone and pitching were really nothing short of excellent. I really can't believe that AJ band's standard has rocketed to this kind of extent in such a short time! I think Alvin Seville must really be swelling with pride.

NJC Flautist
NJ flautist who played the solos in Celebration had a great tone too! And the vibrato he employed in his solos was really something else too. Penny was swooning over how good his solos were too. And guess what, he's my junior, Darrin! XD

I think on the whole, it was a pretty good performance. Apart from listening, there was a fair bit to watch too. Many bands had plenty of movement, solos and goodness knows what. First time I saw electric guitars being used in a concert band performance. LOLZ! But on the flip side, it was also painful to hear clarinets and oboes squeak, trumpets mispitch and what not. Especially when that instrument is playing a solo and it becomes painfully obvious. Haiz. I think towards the end, the high mood got dragged down quite a fair bit by NJ band, since every other band had lots of movement and things to watch but NJ band's performance was rather high-brow, so I feel the mood got dragged down a little.

Been feeling extremely tired recently, as I've been sleeping at midnight and waking up at 5.30am, owing to the fact that I've started work. Working as an admin staff in CTSS isn't really all that tough. It's just the darned fact that I've gotta wake up so early every morning. Yawnz.

And I've finally got my wish! I'm having my 21st birthday party on 21 September at Chevrons chalet! To all who are free, please do come k? Drop me a mail or sms and let me know that you can make it so I can cater food for you all! It's a public holiday in lieu, so technically all should be free. You're free to stay overnight as well if you want. For people in NUS, that week is recess week!

Ok, shall sign off here. Blogging at work. Don't wanna get stared at by my other colleagues. =P

To all who have parents who play mahjong, never, I repeat, NEVER, introduce them to Viwawa! Omg, for the first time in my life I'm fighting over the computer with my MOM, of all people! But I have to hand it to her, she really is good (what else can I say? older people are usually better at stuff like this =P). She pushed me up 4 levels in 2 days. @.@

Ok, I've finally more or less recovered from my bout of flu, thank goodness, though my breathing is still slightly impaired but I'm sure it'll be fine. Starting work next week. Can't believe it la, people resigning or getting ready to resign but I'm just starting work. Lolz. Well, at least I'm going back to CTSS and it'll only be for about 2.5 weeks, so I guess it should be fine.

Been invited to a lot of 21st birthday parties recently and I really want one for myself too. But just thinking about the logistics gives me the shudders. I really do want this, though. Haven't had a decent party in the whole 2 decades of my life. Lolz.

Supposed to memorise a part of the script and prepare a song for SYM audition tomorrow, both of which I have yet to do. Woots.

Didn't manage to get into a hall for NUS. Disappointed? Surprisingly, I am. I claimed to be resisting the idea of staying in hall but now that I've done so much preparation, physically and mentally, to stay in hall, not being given the chance suddenly makes me feel disappointed. Lolz.

A lot of money to be spent very soon. New phone (I'm still using my army phone), new laptop (MacBook doesn't come cheap) and birthday party. Wow. Wonder where all this money is going to come from. >.<

I hate these feelings. Yes, multiple feelings.

Firstly, the feeling of being uprooted from ASD and transplanted to NUSSD. I hate it I hate I HATE IT!!! Going to a new environment where I know practically nobody and yet having to push myself as far as I can to contribute. I HATE IT! I HATE THIS FEELING OF AWKWARDNESS! The forced smile, the acute solitude... HOW AM I GOING TO MAKE THIS ENVIRONMENT FEEL LIKE ASD AGAIN? HELP ME! No offence though, I don't hate NUSSD. I hate the fact that I'm new in NUS and have to adapt. I SUCK AT ADAPTING! ASD I MISS YOU ALL LIKE CRAZY!!! I really hope Connexion comes soon and lasts forever. I really really hope, cuz I'm going to die without ASD sooner or later!!!!!!!!!!!

Secondly, the feeling of not being able to see you. I hate it. I only have that number of chances to see you and now that particular one was taken away from me. It really bothers me, especially when I don't have many chances to begin with. Darn this feeling. >=(

Thirdly, the feeling of apprehension I'm having now about entering NUS. New environment, new life, new study material. Back to mugging. Omg. 2 years never mug liaoz, don't know if I still know how. I need to maintain my CAP score at a bare minimum of 3.5. Can I do it? >.<

Solution to my feelings? Human revolution. My own human revolution.

Speaking of which, to those who have yet to sign up for the SSA Youth Musical 2010, please go sign up by clicking here now!!!

Suddenly recalled something from the band outing which I felt so compelled to blog about. Vanessa can mimic Korean actresses on tv to PERFECTION! The other day when she mimicked one of the actresses complaining to her father I nearly died of laughter la... Pity I didn't have a chance to record it down... Maybe next time I should use my Filipino accent too... LOLZ! Ok, I really miss band haha...

Ok, so it's a bit late to blog about the weekend that just passed but i'm still gonna blog about it anyway, cuz I LOVED IT!!!

30 May

Morning: Met Jocelyn, You Shun and Vanessa (arranged in order of arrival =P) at City Hall MRT Station. Supposed to meet at 10am but apparently waking up early on a holiday takes a toll on everybody, including myself. Hahaha! So after everyone was there, we trudged over to Mint Museum of Toys. Had quite a good time there. ALL THE TOYS OVERWHELMED ME WITH NOSTALGIA LA! Seeing toys of cartoons like Popeye really made my day. Hahaha! I'm bone-lazy, hence please view all the pictures taken at my Facebook. ^_^

Afternoon: Following Mint Museum, we went Sushi Tei for lunch. Food was a little expensive but it's always nice when eating with friends. Lolz. Cheng Ni came a little later but she didn't have much of an appetite, so she didn't eat. Jocelyn had to rush off to visit her grandmother, so the remaining 4 of us went over to Minds Cafe for games. TIKI TOPPLE!!! LOLZ!!! It's this game which is like a Tiki pole and you gotta knock off the Tiki parts one by one and leave the 3 that belong to you on top. No point explaining here la, you guys wouldn't get it anyway =DD We also played Blokus. That was fun too! But stupid You Shun kept blocking me. Grrrrr... I underestimated 5 hours of Minds Cafe. My legs were so sore after barely 4 hours. So we decided to end early and meet Weijie for dinner.

Evening: Cheng Ni went off to meet her mum, so ended up the remaining 4 of us having dinner together. Went Phin Steakhouse, which was surprisingly a good deal. The food was decent and we had a really great time just talking cock there and moaning about how old we're getting. Hahaha! Wan Ting came a bit later, so ended up with 5 people. Vanessa, You Shun and I were joking about how we seemed to be interviewing 4 people over the course of the entire day. First Jocelyn, then Cheng Ni and finally Weijie and Wan Ting =DD Guang Liang didn't want to come cuz Lai Kiu didn't come =.= Ended up going home at about 11+pm lolz...


31 May

Morning: Went for ASD Training for Rufu Run at Toa Payoh Park. Really had loads of fun there. So many runners got stuck my station, where I popped the trivia. Try harder next week guys! Pity I had to choke down my lunch at Mac to be in time for Guang Liang's concert. Urgh.

Afternoon: Went to Singapore Conference Hall for NIE Band Concert. Saw Darrin there. Hahaha. Apparently the whole of NJ band turned up to support Prof Ho. But I think this time the NIE band didn't perform up to scratch. Really quite disappointed. The first half was quite good. But second half, after the band screwed up Fantasy Variations, I think their morale went down le. Went off with Guang Liang, Vanessa and You Shun for dinner at Just Acia after that. Had a really fun time talking with them again, even though it was the second time in 2 days. ^_^ Guang Liang wants to go into teaching too! Haha, I'm forever so excited whenever I find out another friend wants to go into teaching. Talked so long with Guang Liang about teaching. Apparently, he did relief teaching at Hong Kah Secondary School.

Sigh, relief teaching. Really hope I can still get a month's worth of it in July before I enter uni. I really don't want to do any other part-time job apart from them, which is why my mum and dad have become particularly irritated with me just bumming around at home like that. But I've seriously grown addicted to this lifestyle!!!

My 邱比特的失误 hasn't made progress for a loooooooooooooooooooong time... Time to get the creative juices flowing...

It's been more than a fortnight since I last blogged. Been busy? NOPE! Been too free? DEFINITELY! I need ways to kill boredom.

Just finished watching 模范棒棒堂 2008 where they had their graduation ceremony and I wonder if my own ASD graduation will be as tearful as that. Will I even have a graduation? Lolz, I hope so. It might be even more tearful, considering I spent 4.5 years there. Definitely very painful for me to leave. And I barely have like 1.5 months left there. Maybe it'll be better if I just go quietly to NUSSD and save the tears. But honestly, I really don't want to think about it. I daresay my body will go over to NUSSD but my soul will remain in ASD. Nobody in my batch, I can quite safely say, feels as attached, bonded and close to ASD as I do. My dear fellow ASD comrades, I've said it a lot of times and I'll say it again, I really love you all from the bottom of my heart and I really am going to miss you all like crazy.

But sad things aside, we also need to look forward. 4 years in NUS awaits me. Just applied for hostel stay a couple of days ago. Omg, a thousand over dollars for a year. >.< The room I'm getting had better be clean and the mattress had better be new and everything. Make sure everything is worth my money. Can you imagine, a thousand over dollars just like that? Zzz...

Anyway, sent Kazu off on Monday morning. Another teary farewell. First time seeing Kazu cry. Really hope he'll go back to Japan and do his best for kosen-rufu there. I'll go over and visit you in about two years time bro~!

And to round up my entry, I guess I can be a little emo ba. Like I told Sinyee (at least I think I did), nobody has more patience than paper (or something to that effect). Similarly, who has the patience to listen to emo talk or emo moods? Only paper. That's why I've translated all my emo-ness onto paper, in story form. Sad stories. Only paper will have the patience to let me write everything down in full, no matter how corny or how silly my stories are. ^_^ And the best part is, I wrote my stories in Chinese. Omg, don't know how many donkey years never write in Chinese liaoz. Really didn't want to lose touch with my mother tongue, so I tried my hand at it. Somehow I feel like I'm writing a script, given the amount of dialogue I put in my stories. Well, it's going to be a series, entitled 邱比特的失误. As you can probably tell, it's going to be a series of love stories. Actually, I've been saying stories stories stories. The fact is, it's only storY, at the moment, because I've barely finished writing one. Hahaha. I write only when my emo moods haunt me, so it's a good sign that I don't have a lot written, I guess. =)

Ok, it's 2am (yes I've been sleeping at around this time for the past 2-3 weeks ;) amazing, huh?). Need to get some shuteye. Ciaoz ppl.

Boredom kills. Period.

Omg, I've got another 2+ months more time at home to kill. I think I'm gonna get killed before uni starts. Killed by Boredom. Boredom with a capital B. Well ok, I suppose it hasn't been 100% boring. Been entertaining myself with idol dramas and stuff. Lolz. Goes to show the extent of my boredom. And I've been chanting really very hard to down pes. I know I shouldn't be doing so but I really can't help it. I really don't want to do IPPT every year. IT'S A DRAG AND A PAIN IN THE ASS!!! But other than that, life's been pretty boring. Initially thought had that cambodia cip trip to look forward to but now that's been scraped too. Haiz. I suppose the next exciting thing is the induction programme for my scholarship ba. I really can't wait to get started. And I can't wait to buy my laptop! I CAN'T WAIT TO GET MY MACBOOK PRO! WAIT FOR ME I'M COMING! Finally gonna own a laptop that belongs solely to me, myself and I. Can't wait to personalise it. ^_^

Life's also been quite boring now that Gakkai activities have been cancelled due to swine flu. ASD May Institution Meeting gone down the drain liaoz. I doubt we'll even have Connexion. I don't need to graduate from ASD liaoz hahaha.

Been cracking my brain over which hall to apply for in NUS too. Gonna apply same hall as Wei Han. Hopefully can get in, then at least got zhao ying ma. I heard hall also a good place to make friends and most importantly, have a space that I can really call my own. I really feel excited about getting my own room. I guess this is what getting my own flat will feel like in future ba? Hahaha! But I scared when I get my own room I'll just laze in my room all day. Those who know me well will know I have no qualms about locking myself in my room for hours on end if I have enough food and entertainment. Snacks and laptop = great way to spend in my room all day. Wahaha~! Ok, I know I sound like a couch potato. Well, face it. I AM!

Should I go get a job? NAH~! Enjoy a well-deserved break...

又到了我分享的时候了。。。不知道是不是最近偶像剧看太多了，心情跟着感性起来了。 说到偶像剧，它们会那么受欢迎是因为他们的剧情所描述的是大家心里所期盼的吗？男主角在人生发生了某些事情，而这时候女主角就正好出现在他的生命里。或刚好相反的，在女主角的生命里发生了什么事，而这时候男主角就会莫名其妙地出现来替她解围。如果不是解围，就可能是在她的身边默默地守着。当然，在偶像剧里怎么可能会少了三角恋呢？最终，男女主角会和好永远在一起，而第三者会被踢得远远的。这些情节，说实在的，如果是有看偶像剧的朋友， 都是一而再，再而三地重复。但为什么还是有那么多人会想要去看呢？是因为这都是我们私底下会希望发生在我们身上的事吧。谁不希望能够与上她的白马王子或他的真命天女呢？然后这样永远过着幸福的日子。但这种事情往往都不大有可能发生在我们身上吧。所以呢，大致上的人都会把幻想寄托在偶像剧里，然够由偶像剧来完成自己的幻想。当然，偶像剧里头的都一定是我们所追求的完美对象。我们也正好能够把自己幻想成偶像的对象和他对戏，又或者如果是一男一女的搭档组合，也能在银光幕上看见你所希望的配搭呈现在你眼前。我想这都是大家爱看偶像剧的原因吧。但看归看，事实和幻想还是总得画个清楚的界线，不要让自己陷得太深。这也算是对自己的一个警告吧。不要应为看了太多偶像剧而音响到自己的情绪。

可恶。。。怎么又开始感性起来了。。。算了，还是去想我的鬼鬼好了。。。^_^ 要看她的照片吗？

羡慕吧？她只小我一岁哦。。。不错吧？也让我好好地去幻想幻想吧。。。下次再聊吧~！

it's late but i feel like blogging~! hahaha... did i have a great day today? well, i guess you could say so ba... time spent with 4D1 '08 is always great~! ^_^

went for ctss carnival today... to be honest it wasn't really great la... so few stalls... den the weather was like so damn hot... i've heard of global warming but this is ridiculous... looks like mother nature is already dropping a few not-so-subtle hints... went for 2 rounds of lucky draws... didn't win anything... an old auntie won the grand prize... canon cybershot camera... lolz... some of the 4D1 people went to queue for the haunted house but seriously, the only thing that's scary about it was the queue... really horrible... i heard one of the parents telling her kid, "if they don't let you in, i'm going to complain until they let you in!" haha... cuz i think they queued for very long den still can't enter... n brandon told me aftawards there was nth exciting or scary abt it... met sinyee before going for the carnival... gave her jap tuition for about an hour before going over to the carnival... hope i didn't confuse her lolz... really a bit of information overload in that hour... hahaha... but she's very excited about learning it and i'm very excited about teaching it so ya... lolz... can get carried away hahaha... but it was fun teaching la... hopefully can get to teach again soon... so fun! afta we left the carnival, a grp of us trudged over to subway for dinner... i managed to get the student meal from subway... so i still look young after all! wahaha... den we stayed n crapped n laughed until my sides ached n cheeks cramped wif e guys until abt 8pm... tt's y i always love going out wif dem... i feel so relaxed n happy... reli can just talk cock wif dem... e gals beside oso... talking, singing and laughing away like siao za bor lidat... but tt's their nature la i spose... mother lau shin fen! hahaha...

hectic week coming up... ORD IS FINALLY NEARING! FINALLY A SINGLE-DIGIT FIGHTER LE... omg waited so long for dis day to arrive... now nxt prob... i nid a job... anyone got lobang to recommend?

i've also decided i want to write a dark novel... maybe something to do with a killer or a reaper... something that can really unleash my dark side completely... let my imagination run loose for once... the WRITE programme in ctss was reli loads of fun for me... tt got me in touch with my dark side... actually knowing that such creative writing cld b employed... hahaha... of coz, u've gotta haf a crazy enuff tchr... ms tan yi ling... lolz... she reli taught me so much in creative writing... miss her lessons like crazy sometimes... in jc it was just essays essays n more essays... yucks~! my creative juices all dry up le...

炼狱天使的故事会继续吗？ 堕落的天使会继续用终生与人换取灵魂吗？ 炼狱天使能够再次找回白色的羽翼吗？ 炼狱天使如果找回了白色的羽翼会愿意再次接受它吗？

Ok, so many things have been happening recently and I need to compose myself to think it out clearly...

Firstly, Jasvinder's farewell... well, what can I say? Lolz... ok because of tuition with Melanzzo I was late meeting 4D1 '08... had a good time chatting with my pokemon gang on the bus to can't-remember-where but i know we walked to kenny rogers eventually, where we met up with more people... had a great time laughing my ass off with Chubby, Jasvinder and Mitchelle... 2B1 rocks~! ^_^ afta tt went over to talk to zhenning, darrin n e other guys... can't rmb wad we talked abt liaoz... =P but i think the most fun was when we actually entered Kenny Rogers... i sat at the end of the table with hansen, darrin, zhenning, nic wee, brandon and samuel... as usual, we threw our jokes around and i honestly laughed until my sides nearly split... am always so high whenever i go out with these guys... aven and yilin came much later, almost didn't haf enuff seats for them... we told dem to go sit outside where they had a 2-seater next to the fountain hahaha... n jasvinder said, " Oh now we know why they're late. She was busy MAKING her own shirt!" in case you're wondering, yilin was wearing this:














and another incredible laughing point was when grace hong arrived near the end of our meal and sat down at the guys end... she turned and looked at aven's shirt and said, "omg, your robot has a dick!" and if you guys don't believe me, here's what aven was wearing on that day:















ok enough of the sick shit... but all in all we really had a super fun day and jas, if you read this, i don't care how many times i've said it or how many times u've heard it but you're really going to be sorely missed... =\

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and recently i've been feeling down, even though ord is nearing... haiz... am i in the wrong? or are they? or are we both in the wrong? i really just feel so bitter inside... am i just unwilling to see the right thing? is my selfish desire clouding up my vision?

于是天使褪下了白色的羽翼， 变成了炼狱天使。 难道这就是我的宿命吗？ 难道我就想这个经不起火烧的炼狱天使吗？ 我知道我的白色羽翼有多么珍贵， 怎么能够这么轻易地褪下呢？ 但有时候我总觉得这就是最简单的办法。褪下羽翼吧， 把灵魂给我， 变得和我一样， 成为地狱的天使吧！

I hate feeling helpless. It's one of the worst things I can be made to feel in the world. Being unable to help myself. Being unable to help others. Being so out of control of things within and around me. My poor juniors struggling so badly with life and there's nothing I can do to help them. I think that personality test was so true. I really hate feeling helpless, feeling at a loss of what to do.

ORD is finally round the corner. Really having mixed feelings towards it. Finally going to escape the clutches of the army on a long-term basis. But that means no more income for the next three months. Not that I'm saying it's a lot. Indeed, getting a job outside will easily earn me much more than what I'm earning in army now, especially since I'm in a non-combat vocation. But still, 3 months before I enter uni after ORD-ing, what can I do? Anyone got lobang?

My posts recently have been rather emo. Thanks to all who have expressed concern. Some readers don't tag but communicate in other ways instead, which surprised me a lot but touched me equally much, if not more.

Sit myself down in a corner, bring my knees to my chest and bury my face between my knees...

Addiction is scary. I'm seriously hooked onto watching 我爱黑涩会... started watching after i finished watching 霹雳MIT cuz I think 鬼鬼 is cute =P... my mum keeps screaming at me cuz she says it's a damn waste of time, which I fully agree but to all who know me, I'm one with little willpower to override my desires, hence I still have yet been able to curb this ^_^... btw I spent my half day leave yesterday at home watching before going for nationwide youth leaders meeting... hahaha...

speaking of which, ASD is FULL OF PANGSEH KINGS!!! i jio-ed so many people for dinner yesterday, then when nearing the time for meet up i started receiving smses from nearly 80% of the people telling me "eh, sorry I'll be late, you guys go ahead first..." "eh paiseh, i eating with my parents le, see you all there later" really don't know what to say le... end up having dinner with only min kit and junhao... ken guan came really late but at least he still came... lolz...

enjoyed watching the music challenge as well! loved the fact that i sat so near the koteikitai... cuz i saw my beloved flute and piccolo again! omg, nearly wanted to snatch the piccolo from the gal hu wuz playing it hahaha!!! and i've decided, i'm going to join NUS Band liaoz, regardless of how shitty my standard is now... my da laopo and xiao laopo awaits me!

留下来，留下来
在我心里住下来
想都别想我会让你开

Maybe I've watched too many corny idol dramas in the past, to the extent I see these cliched scenes play through my mind. The couple somehow has to undergo certain 'trials and tribulations' before they can come together, which they usually do. Audiences can't seem to take to well to unhappy endings, especially if they involve a certain idol they love. Scenes like when a couple walk into a shop and just so coincidentally bump into the female lead's ex-bf and you see the face of the male lead change on the spot. Or when the male lead gets injured trying to protect the female lead and the female lead cries her eyes out over him while he is unconscious and when he does wake up she wears herself out taking care of him or vice versa.

I think the reason why these scenes are cliched yet still attracts audiences is because it's a situation that we all fantasise ourselves in, especially teenagers. It's something ideal that will always and will only happen on tv screens. So I'm sure despite so many people criticising that all this is so cliche and everything, deep down inside, we still like to think about stuff like this...

Life is boring nowadays...

Feeling emo? I thought I was past that age already. Why should I feel emo? Lolz. Must due to disappointment ba. Promises. What promises? Ha.

Now got to settle all the admin stuff for my teaching scholarship. It really isn't easy trying to get the government's money. =S

I need to learn to see the grey, and not just the black and white. Not being so emotional does not mean being an emotionless freak. There is always a compromise.

The Grimreaper paces forward, robes swirling out in a dark mist. Fresh blood creeps along the ground, as if seeking refuge from its source. The Grimreaper's face stretches in an evil smirk. Feed of the day. The lone soul lingers above the lifeless body, almost as if beckoning to the Grimreaper. Take me. The Grimreaper raises a hand, curls a clawed finger. The soul dissolves like breath in mist, leaving the body spread across the cold, dark concrete. In a flash of dark fire, the Grimreaper becomes one with the velvet night. From behind the pillar, a lone, winged figure holding a bow sobs into his hands...

Just because I know I have to accept a fact doesn't meant I'm not entitled to being disappointed. Of course, I will definitely go with my head and agree that this is for the best of everybody but nothing will relieve that aching disappointment in my heart. Who can understand me? Who can truly understand? I doubt even Shan Shan can really understand everything that I'm feeling right now. Yes, for the good of everybody, this production should indeed be pushed to next year. I concede and accept it. But it doesn't mean I have to like it. In fact, I hate it! I HATE THE FACT THAT I HAVE TO WAIT TILL I'M NO LONGER IN ASD THAT I'M GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO IT!!! THE FEELING JUST WON'T BE THE SAME ANYMORE!!! WHY CAN'T ANYONE SEEM TO COMPREHEND THAT? Why can't anyone see it from my point of view?

Why does my thinking have to be so black and white? I hate it. I HATE IT!!! I want to be able to convince myself to see the grey too. Am I so blind as to not be able to see it?

My life condition really is at an all time low now. I'm really very disappointed. Yet I have to smile and put on a brave front in front of my IICs because I know, if I were to appear sad and disappointed, they will drag me one side and do their best to give me encouragement. I don't need encouragement now. What I need is some time to myself and someone who really and truly understands and sympathises with me.

Can I have a big teddy bear hug me to sleep? Even big guys like me need a hug sometimes. I want something to snuggle against and feel comforted by. Yes, I need a big, plush teddy bear to hug me and cuddle me when I sleep tonight. To hold me in one piece before my disappointment shatters me to smithereens.