the fastest way to lose your ideal impression of someone is to know their true impression of you. that's what happened with my 4D1 today. apparently i'm known as 'the matrices guy' to them. hahaha. not that it's a bad thing, but dunno y made me feel a little down. today was the first session of night focus with my new students. actually i quite like them, cuz they were pretty much attentive, though, as usual, i was talking at the speed i would with a pure science class. i feel so stunted with the amount of content covered in a sub science class too! gosh, there're so many things i wanna tell them but because practically all of it is not in their syllabus and i don't wanna confuse them so i gotta leave it out. zzz...

so much for my passion for ASD. i've seriously been neglecting my members and haven't even found out whether they're going for the student peace lecture tomorrow or not! lidat how to be cic? zzz... gonna get scolding from teck kiang if he found out. haiz... don't know what's gotten into me these days. my schedule is like so freaking packed and i don't know how to manage my time properly. 2 weekday evenings taken up by tuition for justin... another 2 weekday evenings for night focus at ctss... that leaves me with 1 weekday evening to relax and my weekends... sunday evening i have jap class. weekend mornings i luv to sleep until v late, even though my mom always screams at me when i do that. =p ok so my life is really nothing short of cramped up and overflowing at the moment. gotta save some time for my CFG and yongsha activities. haiz... really v v tired sometimes... but no choice... must go all out! otherwise how to be a worthy disciple of ikeda sensei?

meeting the guys for breakfast at jp mac tml... wonder if i can wake up early enough or not... hahaha~!

shuli was right. one really does feel more emo at night. actually i knew that long ago la, just that i never felt emo while having the urge to blog.

i really have this great urge to go to Japan to study, even if it's just for a few months! i noe i've blogged about this loads of times le but i really just feel so hyped up about it! i've already set my sights on Waseda University. After hearing Julian talk about it i went and did some research on it and it really is quite reputable in Tokyo. The best thing is it's in the same city as Soka University, so going Soka Uni to visit shouldn't pose too much of a problem. it'll be great too, going there and attending meetings there. best if i can live with a member. ^_^ den i'll even be able to understand n c for myself how japanese culture really is like. haha. really must get my jap honed well, otherwise just gonna crash n burn there. hahaha.

well, so much for building castles in the air. gotta make sure i work my way up to the mark first n chant hard tat i'll get tat...

been slackin in terms of gakkai recently... haven't been contacting my members in ASD, haven't been giving my all in yongsha... pent-up guilt... i seem to live in a world of guilt n self-stress all e time. whenever i don't do anything up to e standard which i know i shld n can achieve, that little voice in the back of my head will whisper how i shld do it better n all that... gosh... lolz... that's what goes on in the mind of a perfectionist! and it doesn't help that i'm including more things in my schedule. night focus is startin next week, which takes up 2 evenings a week. justin's tuition oso takes up 2 evenings a wk. wkday evenings mind u, which means rushing from work all e time. jap clz is every sunday but i'm used to that le la... in fact, i really look forward to jap class... reli enjoy ms torinomi's classes a lot... she's such a great tchr... reli my gd fortune to get her... must get a tchr hu's as good as her for my pre-advanced lvl in future. ;)

haven't contacted my members for tuesday's SPL... haiz... chang jie gona kill me le... loads of things on my to-do list...

this post will contain certain spoilers about the movie: The Dark Knight, so to all who have yet to watch the movie and intend to do so please click one of the links below to divert away from my blog. gracias.

went to watch the dark knight with kelvin they all last night. lolz, i think it really was quite a good movie la, especially since it kept me at the edge of my seat. batman wasn't really all that great. more of joker ba. the way that mad genius thinks really amazes me and i really gotta salute him for the way he comes up with certain things. and one thing that i do agree with him is that humans' source of fear is the lack of knowledge. not academic knowledge, knowledge of what is going to happen. doesn't it happen to all of us? when we don't know what is going to happen, we become scared. why are some people scared of cockroaches and bugs but their fear vanishes the moment they get their hands on a can of bug spray? you don't know where that cockroach is going to run next or what it might do to you, hence you fear it. but once you know that you can knock it out easily with your bug spray, your fear vanishes. moral of the story: The source of fear is the lack of knowledge. TwoFace was also a little lame i guess. but the way the poor guy's face got burnt was really freaky. the way his face looked like after the burn isnt going to disappear from my mind soon.

mrs yong still hasnt reverted to me on my status in the FOCUS programme. really want to go back to teaching my 4D1 again. reli miss teaching them to bits. but i've never actually taught them chemistry before though.

got loads of work to do in office but don't feel like doing anything. ORD... when are you coming? sobz...

suddenly have so much to say but don't know where to start from... maybe i should start off with the FOCUS programme ba...

to those who are alien to the focus programme, it's the programme my sec sch has been implementing for all 4E/5N students taking o's to stay back after sch hrs to study n my sec sch has appealed to e alumni for help in coaching dem. being e sucker which i m, i agreed. mrs yong (my hod of sci) asked me to take 10 5N students for focus in chemistry. can't exactly turn her down, though i know too well that i want to take back my 4D1. FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE 4D1, PLEASE GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HEAD!!! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOU SWIVELLING IN MY HEAD AND MAKING ME MISS TEACHING ALL THIS TIME EVEN THOUGH I'VE STOPPED TEACHING YOU FOR MORE THAN A YEAR!!! ARRRGGHHHH~~!!!! lolz, paiseh. don't blame me. i really love this bunch of kids and this is my last chance to be able to teach dem again. but then again, i guess it just wasn't meant to be.

jap class today was just anal. couldn't really concentrate when studying with a big bunch of strangers. sucks taking replacement lesson. ms yamamoto... guess i'm not used to her teaching style ba. but i really can't stand her small handwriting and equally small voice. she oso will give these farnie expressions when her students make mistakes leh. lolz. can't wait to go back to ms torinomi's class next sunday!

recently i've been getting super hyped up about the SEP in NUS again. i really want to be able to go over to Japan on the SEP and spend a few months there. but the standard of living there is really ridiculously high and i shudder to think of the cost that i will incur. staying like 4-5 months there will easily incur S$10 000 le leh. omg!!! the thought of staying with a gakkai member did cross my mind but i wonder if any will be willing to let me intrude for a whopping 1/3 of the year? especially since things are so expensive there i don't know if i'll be able to afford the rent there too. oh well, every year some Soka University students from the Faculty of Economics exchange with NUS for about 10 days. maybe i can ask some of them who have connections to help me. >.< but all this is still totally hypothetical of course. it all depends on whether i can qualify for SEP in the first place and whether i'll actually be tied up with a university in Japan. MUST CHANT HARD! really must have the good fortune.

sarwan, yishen, jiahao, jerry n fabian have finally ord-ed. things over in my office now are really so much quieter. i'm sorry to see them go but it also means i've crossed another checkpoint in my army life. another step closer to pink ic. lolz.

YMD formation day concert tomorrow. still struggling very hard to get kelvin to go with me tmr. going to do up the nanyang chapter song tmr, den gona go bugis to shop for clothes with juay kai and wei han n finally gonna head over to tampines to watch the ymd formation day concert at 4pm. another super hectic day ahead. but at least it'll be fulfilling. doing something for gakkai. haha. otherwise will feel very guilty if i don't do something for gakkai over the weekend when i have so much time.

yearning for a girlfriend? amazingly not recently. really haven't had the time to feel emo about this. even when i do feel emo i don't think about that anymore. maybe wait till after army when i can devote tons more time to this then see ba.

i want to teach 4D1... lolz...

this past weekend really has been such a fulfilling one! where shall i start? ok let's take it from the top.

Saturday morning: Went for ASD Connexion! Haha, was late, as usual. But was very encouraged when i saw so many ASD-ians there. went over to siloso beach and had our games. games overun by more den an hour =p but it was really really fun. all going crazy together, esp for the touch rugby and captain sponge. paiseh to penny, carys n serene though, cuz i kinda left them out for rugby. =p cuz too into the game le ma, then just chiong n forgot about everything. >.< then came the sharing from the year 1s and graduates. quite surprised that kenneth and eng peng were sharing. thought it'd be somebody else. haha. shuli shared on behalf of the graduates. she was damn zai, as usual. but listening to her story really made me feel for her n made me feel really sorry that asd is going to lose her. after everything ended, went to pig out with qi jun, kenneth, min kit, jun jie n chang jie for lunch. damn hungry la, given that we ended connexion at about 2pm. yapped and yapped over lunch. really miss that kind of feeling. =)

Saturday afternoon: Finally went home after lunch. Really felt like dozing off but couldn't cuz had to bathe and finish my gongyo before heading out to Gary Cao Ge's concert~!!! WOOTS! Supposed to meet Jeron at 5.30pm but he only came at 6pm. =.= worse then me. then waited a little while more for his friend to come along and finally boarded the train to head for e indoor stadium. reached kallang surprisingly quickly. went to catch bus 11. actually could have taken it de but jeron suggested taking cab and we walked off, giving up our position at the bus stop. haven't even left the bus stop bus 11 came le... =.= den end up we couldnt squeeze in n had to cab to the stadium. =.=''' concert started half an hour late but it was worth it la. cao ge emerged from the stage wearing this white suit that makes him look like a drag queen and pair that up with that flaming red hair. LOLZ! i know i'll probably get murdered by other Cao Ge fans but i really felt a bit -.^ when i saw it. haha. ok, before you guys get all agitated, i assure you i'm a hardcore Cao Ge fan too. just that i couldn't stand his dress sense and hair colour, that's all. ;) i loved his Superwoman, Bei Pan and Liang Shan Bo Yu Zhu Li Ye. Genie Zhuo looks so cute! Really, she'd make a great pair wif Gary, looks-wise. Gary's got quite a good sense of humour too. but i'm probably just saying that cuz i'm his fan ba. the way he mimicked the hokkien and singaporean accent really was just hilarious. and i really like the way he addresses his fans, so sincere. really really can't wait for his next album to be released. hurry up and get it done dude~! but the down part of the concert for me i guess would be the ending ba. didn't really end on a very high note. and some stupid gal in front of me kept standing up every time cao ge came near and blocked my view and end up i couldn't get any good shots of him. urgh, makes my blood boil just thinking about it. so shall not think about it. haha. returning home was quite a torture, so shall not talk about it here. i'm so gonna drive the next time i go watch a concert.

Sunday morning: Couldn't wake up. Dad had to kick me in the ass, literally, before i deigned to move.

Sunday evening: Went for jap class as usual. Jap test was quite ok la. the oral test was surprisingly manageable. and i didn't expect to just pwn the written test. got 9/10 for oral. got 94/100 for written test. best news is that my entire class can move up together to intermediate 2. really want to be in the same class again. really like my bunch of classmates. very nice bunch of people. ^_^ already signed up for intermediate 2, kudos to johnny.

something to be guilty about is that i never really devote myself to gakkai this past weekend ba, except for connexion, which i spose can't really be counted, since it was a day of fun and games, though i did have dialogue with a few of my members.

wonder if i'm going to start my chemistry revision with my j1s and j2s soon. haha, it's quite near to promos and a's le.

and now to face this shitty week ahead, with its multiple arrows. sigh.