Reaching my 500th post soon... Lolz... Just realised after looking at my blog's dashboard...

Went for Eric's Ge Yao Red-White competition today. Was kinda disappointed with the standard of some singers (sorry Eric), though I did like quite a few of them, especially the composer of the White team. Her voice makes my heart melt!!! Omg, her song really was nothing short of fantastic in my opinion. That was the most memorable part of that competition for me.

Can't wait for the holidays to arrive. Soooooooooooo many things I want to do this holiday. I want to really finish at least 2 stories in my 邱毕特的失误 and get round to finish writing the lyrics for my second song.

I've finally decided to let go. I really see no point. You're never going to find out I've felt this way towards you and even if you did, you wouldn't reciprocate it anyway.. I've learnt from 2 painful past experiences and I don't want to sink too deep. Best to shake myself awake while I still can. Time has helped me with this and will continue to help me.

I have finally completed my term paper for GEK1535. I've chosen what I think is the most interesting topic out of the 5, which is "Did Life on Earth Begin on Mars?". Lolz, I think quite a few of you all must be thinking that I'm crazy, which is somewhat true. Cuz I don't want to do something that everyone else is doing and besides, this topic caught my attention the most. If it can catch my attention, then I'm sure it can catch Dr. Lee's when he marks my essay, considering the fact that most people are going to choose the other topics, especially the one regarding socio-economic impact. Hopefully my essay will be a breath of fresh air or maybe something to chuckle at. I need a good grade for my essay! A+ for my essay please Dr. Lee!

I really ought to be sleeping now cuz I'm meeting Ms. Prabha for consultation tomorrow at 10am. Some more I'm not feeling well I really ought to get my rest. But the computer is just far too addictive. Thinking about tomorrow's lectures and feeling sian. I think I'm either going to sleep or stuff my face again in both Dr. Lee and Prof. Chuah's lectures.

Life's amazingly free after band practices have suspended for the time being. I actually go home on Thursdays now ^_^. Don't get me wrong, I don't dread band but it's a nice change being able to go home on Thursdays after about 10 weeks worth of band practices, especially since I end at 3pm on Thursdays so I don't waste a lot of time waiting for band to start. Thankfully I end at 6pm next semester, so there's no lag time between my last lecture and band, assuming I do get my Singapore Studies module. Don't fight with me hor people! Hahaha!

Planning for institution meeting this Saturday. Should I go? Sigh... Revision piling up, exams around the corner... But am I using all that as excuses? =|

"はい。" と　言う時、僕は　とても　嬉しく　成るよ。でも　いつに　言う？

Been about a week since I last blogged. Let's see, what's been happening?

Of course, Da Capo 09 just came to a grand finale on 23 Oct 09 with an almost full-house attendance at VCH, which I am just SO PROUD OF!!! I was really overjoyed when Benson announced we had hit 85% sales just before our final rehearsal on the day itself, which meant that there were actually more sold after that. I really enjoyed Da Capo to THE MAX!!!

Janet's wedding was on 24 Oct 09. She really just looked fantastic that day! And I got to meet up with my dear 4D1 '08 ex-students again. They haven't changed one bit, especially Wei Long. Ok fine, Wei Long did change. He's got this horrible fringe now that he keeps sweeping back every 3 seconds. It's an absolute curtain! But it's always hyper sinful when I go out with them. I missed SYM training and I ended up not doing an work on that day. =S Severe lack of wisdom...

And I think I've come to terms with my decision whether or not to quit band. I WON'T!!! I really love band too much to just leave it like that. I won't be able to stand life without band. I've figured out that the stress I've been feeling for the past few weeks was from two main sources. Firstly, my studies. I haven't been able to juggle and manage my time efficiently, hence the screw up. Didn't expect just two days worth of band would have such a large impact on me. Secondly, myself. I was putting far too much stress on myself because of my solos, which in the end nobody seemed to pay attention to. =P I've got to learn to take it easy and just enjoy the music! What's more, I think I will run for an exco position next semester, if available. Something that I would enjoy doing. It'll add on even more to my existing workload but I'm sure I'll be able to figure a way out, especially now that I have experience.

Well, all that sounds bright and beautiful. Now that band practices have terminated, I can focus completely on my studies without worrying about how my Tintin solo will sound like (though that also means the end of my eye candy for some time =P). My studies really are in a complete mess at the moment, which is not a good thing considering my end of term exams are a mere three weeks away. Three weeks to sort out 5 modules and JLPT 3. I'm more or less screwed. Hopefully I'll be able to salvage something. I haven't forgotten the promise I made to myself. CAP score 4.7 for this semester. Prof Bettens' tutorials are getting harder and harder to do. The final small group tutorial I just gave it up in despair. I really have no idea how I should go about doing it! Urgh... CM1101 was actually one of my more confident modules. Why do I feel so shaky in it now?

I need strength, wisdom and better time management...

Felt damn sian in school today. Really had no mood to study. Almost had to drag myself to CM1101 lecture, which is a surprise, considering the fact that I enjoy Prof Bettens' lecture the most nowadays. Maybe it's the stress that I'm experiencing now ba. Amazingly I understood what Prof Bettens was talking about despite my mood. Amazingly, inspiration came to me and I wrote half the lyrics for the second song. When inspiration refuses to come, it won't no matter how you try to squeeze it out. When it does, you sometimes feel miserable cuz you can't write it down fast enough. That was the way with my first song and I think it will also be the case for my second song. Hope the inspiration for the second part comes soon. I need to get into the mood, I guess. So far the two songs that I've written are pretty much sad and emo. I need to write happier lyrics.

Tomorrow I've got my 6-hour marathon again, followed by band sectionals. Gonna die liaoz.

Amazingly I've finished my formal lab report. Now left experiment 3 this Wednesday and I'm done for lab for the rest of this year. FINALLY!

Guess who I had in mind when I wrote those lyrics?

I'm blogging at this time now despite having 8am lecture tomorrow morning. In fact, to be precise, it's this morning.

Maybe I should just quit band. After the end of every band practice with NUSWS, I end up in such low life condition. I just feel that every mistake I make is amplified 10000 times, especially with that darned solo in Tintin. I'm just feeling incredibly stressed out now, especially when my concert is this coming Friday. I think I should quit band after this concert. It really is doing nothing but adding on to my stress level. I want to enjoy band. I love playing in a band, I really do. I love my instrument too, though I'm really not very good at it. I joined band to relax myself, to do something I enjoy doing. Why am I feeling more stressed when I'm doing something I should be enjoying? The best part is, it's my own perfectionistic nature that's pumping in most of my stress. Ironic, isn't it.

I'm tired.

I really want you by my side now. I don't care if you see the weakest, frailest side of me. I need you by my side.

Blogging at this kind of time. Woots. I'm honestly very tired now, probably will go to bed after this entry.

Went for ASD daimokukai today. Sadly though, I didn't have the time to talk to the guys. Really wanted to have a good chat with Min Kit, Qi Jun and Kenneth Guan. Really hope we can have ASD gathering or chalet at the end of this year. I kind of feel alienated from ASD now, which is a good thing I suppose, considering the fact that I have already graduated from ASD and should be putting my focus on NUSSD now. Haven't been doing very much in NUSSD recently. Been focusing far too much on studies and band. I need to give time to Gakkai as well.

I need to get started on my Atmosphere essay this weekend. I've been meaning to start ages ago but simply haven't gotten down to it. I only have barely 2 weeks left to submission. High time to get started le! I've had a confidence boost by my ozone profile and mid-term test. I really don't want my effort to go down the drain. I will get my 4.7 CAP score!

I've been seeing plenty of MOE posters and advertisements on bus 95 recently. Is MOE really that desperate for teachers? Lolz... I'd have thought with this economic downturn more people would turn to teaching, though these people won't last long in the profession if they're simply doing it for the money.

Lab report, 1131 tutorial, atmosphere essay, 2 econs online lectures, 2 cm1131 webcasts to watch... Just a couple of things on my to-do-but-don't-feel-like-doing-list...

So sad that you weren't there today...

What's wrong with me today? For the first time in a really long time, I felt this insane, burning rage in me today due to a combination of several factors.

Firstly, last night's lab report made me smack the keyboard of my laptop repeatedly in frustration, desperation and anger. The anger somehow didn't subside today even though I thought it did.

Secondly, results for Econs were released yesterday. Second blow. 21.75/30. In case you're thinking that's a good grade, it isn't. The mean mark is 21.85 and fyi, all modules in NUS are marked by bell curve, so if I continue in this state, the maximum grade that I can possibly get with this kind of score will be a B+. ARGH!

Thirdly, today I left the house at 10am, thinking I could reach school easily by 11am, considering I live in Boon Lay and the trip to Buona Vista shouldn't take that long. I rushed for the train, missed it. Next one came 6 minutes later. As if to add insult to injury, the train stopped for very long at Lakeside and Jurong East, nearly making me smash the window of the train carriage. When I reached Buona Vista, the 95 took a frigging 10 minutes to come and it stopped somewhere before Science Fac to allow for some construction shit going on AND I WAS REALLY READY TO SET THE BUS ON FIRE!!!!!!!! Had to fly to the tutorial room and ended up being 15 minutes late for tutorial. When all this pent up rage accumulates in me, I really will nothing short of explode! ARGH!!!

Ok, I need to chill.

Dear readers of The Silver Pool, should you one day find out that I have died a premature death, it will more likely than not be due to lab reports.

I thought doing CM1101 lab reports were tedious enough. But now with CM1131, all those calculations, I really feel like blasting my brains out. First time I struggle so hard with Chemistry, though I suppose this isn't really Chemical Chemistry, it's Physical Chemistry. I will be TOO GLAD to finish this module and GET THE HELL OVER WITH THIS F-ED UP MODULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No mood to blog today. Just wanted to vent my pent-up frustrations here. 2 more weeks of lab to survive before my free Wednesdays come.

I want and need holidays desperately.

Most importantly, I need you by my side to give me the support and strength that I need.

Hmm, amazingly I'm blogging now. Let's see, what do I have to say?

Today went for Maths and Econs tutorial. Was late for Maths =P stepped into the tutorial 15 mins past 10. Prof Chew came over and looked at my answer, something he's never done before, and smiled at me. Lolz, how the heck was I supposed to respond to that? Ok la, better than Yu Siang, who woke up at like goodness knows what time. Missed Maths tutorial and pon Econs tutorial. Tsk tsk tsk... After Maths tutorial went to library to print stuff and do Econs tutorial. I think 12/20 is a good score for someone who revises that particular lecture and does the tutorial half an hour before the tutorial XD. Siting brought her bf to Econs tutorial today. Actually, I really pity her bf. I'd get pissed off if I was with my gf and she's talking to other guys without seeming to give a damn about me. Went for Econs with Sok Koon and went back to library to study with her and Chia Ling after that. Sok Koon got teased by Daniel and Jereld. Haha. I tried studying for my Science GEM mid-term test this Saturday but for some reason, almost nothing went in. Haiz... I really don't want to waste my S/U on this module.

Went for tea break with Sok Koon and Chia Ling after mugging before going for band. Spent 2 hours outside the band room today again, cuz Prof Ho did the first half first. Actually, it was quite enjoyable outside today, cuz it was nice chatting with my other flautists and the saxophonists also in the second half. And I found the right lipping today! Finally got rid of the airy sound. This really boosted my confidence a lot and made me enjoy band prac so much more today.

I've got a mid-term test this Saturday and I honest-to-goodness have no idea how to study for it. I have practically no past year papers to refer to. I look at the mass tutorial questions I really have no idea how to do a single question. How does he expect us to do so many calculations when all his notes are so content-based with hardly any calculations? And fyi, the formula sheet he gives is nothing short of a waste of paper, considering the fact that he only included 3 measly equations there. =S But I got 5/5 for my ozone profile assignment, so I'm feeling quite encouraged but I really have no idea how to approach this module. Really regret taking this module. Haiz... Like that how to meet my target cap of 4.7?

What I need most now is a hug. A hug from you. That's what will really strengthen me. Wanna go have sea-salt ice cream with me?

This is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week
This is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week
This is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week
This is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week
This is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week
This is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week this is not recess week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is what I need to keep telling myself this week. I have a mid-term test to clear this Saturday, 5 modules worth of webcasts to watch and 3 tutorials to rush out. THIS IS NOT A WEEK FOR ME TO SLACK!!!! URGH...

I can't tell you how much I want this semester to end, so that I can finally focus on the things I really want to do, like writing my 邱毕特的失误 and going for band practices with peace of mind and going for NUSSD activities smoothly as well. I HATE THE FACT THAT EVERYTHING IS COMING IN AT THE SAME TIME!!!! I need to find my motivation to study! It's barely 7 weeks more till the final exams and I have yet to start. Best thing is, CM1131 lab starts tomorrow! Woohoo, brand new bunch of lab reports to make me scream and tear my hair out over.

Flute sectionals was kinda fun today, I guess. I still feel super inferior to all my fellow year 1s who can play 10 times better or more than me and it honestly gets me down real bad. I love band and the pieces we're playing and I really want to do my best and prove my worth of being in first flute. Today was really interesting though. We're going to sing the vocal parts for Tsubasa O Kudasai. A symphonic band singing its encore piece! LOLZ! Ok la, one instrument per part will still be playing the instrumental parts but the rest will be sung by the rest of the band. I'm really looking forward to how that's going to sound. HAHAHAHA!!!

what spell have you cast over me to make me think of you so often nowadays? Lift this spell from ne NOW! Why must you make me think of you again and again and again?

Finally updating my blog after about a week and many reminders. Haha.

I don't know why I've been feeling so down recently. Isn't one supposed to feel happy that the mid-terms are over? Sigh, maybe it's band that's been getting me down ba.

I don't know why. I just can't seem to get the band feeling in band I used to get back in sec sch and JC. Especially in JC, when my band was the smallest JC band in Singapore but also the most bonded and closest JC band. I loved going for band practices when I was in sec sch and JC but I kind of dread it now. I just seem to feel so stressed, so intent to get everything right but getting nothing right in trying to do so. Why do I feel like everybody is giving me that kind of look in band? Where's the feeling of cohesion, laughter and fun I used to have in band? Is it difficult to find in a section this big? Am I just the odd one out? Is it because of my crappy playing? Or is it simply my perfectionistic thinking coming into play again? Haiz... Today's mass combined woodwinds sectionals felt like a total waste of time, considering I had to sit outside for 2 hours as I'm only playing in the second half of the concert and practise with Valerie and the rest playing in the second half. Felt like a waste of time, especially since I rushed through dinner with my parents, which was the first one in a long time cuz I've been preparing for my mid-terms. Zzz...

I've got a final mid-term test coming up this Saturday, my Atmosphere GEM. I honest-to-goodness have no motivation whatsoever have no motivation to study for it. I somehow feel that I'm going to S/U this module but I really don't want to waste it here. I'm a little concerned for my Arts GEM and SS. Lolz. Sok Koon told me about this Arts GEM on Crime Fiction and I'm really super interested in it. Was really very excited about the module when I heard that we were supposed to write a play on Crime Fiction. >.<

Today really felt crappy. But your sms somewhat cheered me up a little. A slight comfort to know that you'll still approach me when you need help. Will you come support me at my concert? Really hope so =)