I seem to like blogging at morbid timings. Don't even know what I'm gonna blog about today. Well, let's see what'll flow out k? Haha.

I have finally set my target for this semester, where my results are concerned. But having said that, there's another deeper achievement that I wanna achieve this sem and that is to 'remain competitive without losing my humanity'. This is really very important. I refuse to let myself get caught up in this rat race and lose my humanity in the process. It simply isn't worth it. I already feel that it's starting to happen and I need to nip it in the bud. Now.

So many things to juggle this semester. Band, chingay, Gakkai, studies. Similarly, I refuse to compromise on any one of them. But at the same time, I need to make sure I don't spread myself out too thin and make sure I prioritise properly. I can and I will win! Win over myself, that is. As Sensei mentioned in the clip I watched at the daimokukai just now, "A man who loses to himself is a coward." I really agree. One needs courage to face up to his own weaknesses and flaws and overcome them.

A few more hours before it comes. Quite gratifying that it should land on my free day this year. Too bad I'll probably be using it to catch up on my webcasts for e-learning week. Hahaha.

I've been trying. But it's still there. Though you being so elusive really is helping a lot. No sarcasm intended. It really is the case.

Suddenly felt like blogging, even though it's 3.06am in the morning. Well, at least it's not 2.48am. HAHA! Okok, private joke. (doubt you'll read this anyway)

Anyway, suddenly saw my ex-student's blog update through facebook and went to check it out. She seems really devastated. At least she's still managing to move on in life. Hope she manages to pull through this quickly. Just sent her a message to encourage her. Wonder if she still remembers who I am, considering I taught her only for a month four years ago. Hahaha.

I've also officially rejected my offer for SEP to Hong Kong. Just to clarify, me being a Chingay trainer was NOT the deciding factor behind my rejection. It's just that when I applied for SEP, I applied for SEP to Japan. The Japan factor was really the main factor for me. Sure, both Hong Kong unis had good modules for me to map. But I really just didn't feel for it la. Yes, how many people can say that they were given 2 chances to go for SEP? Some more rejected both offers. But to me, I believe this is the right choice for me to make and I'm sure that I will not regret it. =)

This sem is turning out to be what could possibly be my most challenging semester yet. But I say that every sem. Goes to show life is getting harder and harder. It's only week 4 now and I've got my first mid-term next week. At least it's my favourite organic chem ^_^ Prof. Tan really has become my idol le. Really love his teaching so much. Clear and interesting. What more can you ask for? Really so sad that he's only teaching half the module. How I wish I could drop IA like Billy. Haiz. But having said that, I'm really thankful that I didn't take solid state. Really really thankful. Haha.

Free day tomorrow!!!!! WOOHOO!!!! =D

Is that a glimmer of hope I see?

Just sent off Andrew at the airport just now. He's headed to University of Queensland in Aussieland. I think still have at least another 4.5 hours left for the flight there. Experienced it myself before. Not exactly a pleasant experience. Haha.

Sending off a friend whom I've known for a decade, literally. Well, to me, it feels like I've peeled off a plaster that I've had on me for the past 10 years! I have no choice but to do it and it does hurt doing it and leaves that patch of me stinging. Ok, I agree, Andrew and I didn't talk or meet as much as friends normally would. Not that we had a choice. When I was in army, he wasn't. When I ord-ed, he just enlisted. Lolz. But to me, Andrew really is a very special friend. What friend would lend you his personal flute for your own band practices and performances? What friend would let you drive his car in a multi-storey carpark while you're still holding on to a PDL? And that's not all. What friend doesn't flip when you scratch HIS car after banging into the wall because you didn't turn sufficiently? I think the most memorable thing that we've done together was go for makan at night and after that he drove me home. After reaching my house, both of us realized neither of us wanted to go home yet, so we chatted in his car for an hour before we drove off somewhere else again. Haha, might sound stupid to some of you but it was something that, for some reason, I remembered really clearly.

Met up with him a couple of weeks ago for dinner. Went to mussels bay. I drove, for a change, and the first thing he said after we stepped out of the car was, "Wah Wee Yong, you put on a lot of weight leh!" OTZ. That really hit me hard. Lolz. But I know he had no intention of teasing or putting me down. I understood perfectly why he made that comment after meeting his army buddies at his sendoff today. Haha. Prior to his sendoff, I miraculously managed to pull my secondary school flute section together for dinner. I think that was the first gathering in... 2 years? XD It's really been difficult, especially with all the guys in the army. We managed to meet up because miraculously everyone was available, including Chloe, who's SUPER busy nowadays with goodness knows what, and Darrin, who happened to be enjoying his block leave. I drove at the beginning but it started to get late so after dinner I sent them all to Andrew's house and got his car instead, while I drove mine home to park. Ended up staying out with Andrew, Chloe, Junhong and Darrin until 3.30am. Ok, Darrin went home earlier but let's not bother with the nitty-gritty stuff.

Lolz. Didn't know Andrew's leaving would have such an impact on me. Even gave him my special glass-made figurine of a person playing the flute that I bought from Taiwan. Hope he treasures it well. Haha. Really am going to miss him. Glad I didn't cry at the airport. Nearly did though but thankfully didn't.

All the best bro! =]

I can't believe I'm writing another post in such short notice. And the best thing is, I'm writing this while I'm feeling like crap.

Don't know why but tonight my chest feels incredibly tight, I'm having trouble drawing breath and the back of my head throbs. Thought I was going to die just now. Lolz. Still don't feel completely well. Is it cuz of the antibiotics for my cough? Maybe it'll all be over tomorrow. I don't think it's an asthma attack, cuz ventolin doesn't work. Maybe it's the stress from work ba? But what stress? I dare say I'm the slackest scholar attached there. Barely done any teaching so far. On the other hand, to make myself sound less unproductive, my project surprisingly made great progress today after my group's discussion today.

Wonder if I'll live to see tomorrow. I'm sure I will. But in case I don't, I really will have lots of regrets. I don't know why I'm having such morbid thoughts now. Must be the tightness in my head and chest. I actually went to google the symptoms of stroke just now cuz I thought I was having an onset of stroke. Apparently it isn't.

A lot of people I'm sure have heard the scenario about "If today was your last day, what would you do?". But nobody seems to believe in it because nobody believes that they will die today. Everybody considers that scenario for a little while, thinks hard about it and forgets it after that, including me. Come on, out of whoever is reading this now, who can say that he/she is living each day like it's his/her last? I certainly can't.

Ok, morbid entry today, cuz body is in a morbid state. Ciaoz, if I live past today. I'm sure I will.

As I was thinking about my regrets, you popped into my mind. Immediately. And stayed there.

Thanks to Sin Yee for asking me to relink her blog, I've finally had some form of motivation to type another entry here in my blog, which has collected dust over these months.

Finally finished year 2 and my special semester and my school attachment has been underway for a week now. And in my first week of school attachment at Jurong West Secondary School I've experienced the first school fire in my life. Thankfully nobody was injured. But the funniest thing to me was that nobody responded to the fire alarm. Everyone was still happily chilling out in their respective rest areas and the discipline master had to announce over the PA system that it wasn't a drill and that there was a real fire and all teachers and students were to relocate to the field. I guess the fire wasn't the biggest thing in school, it's the aftermath of it that will create a big headache for the upper leaders of the school. The parents' calls, the investigations going, etc. The worst thing was that it interrupted the 'O' Level Mother Tongue oral examination and the students, regardless of whether they were having the oral halfway or yet to complete the oral were pulled out. Wonder if there will be a retest for the entire nation or just this particular cohort. >.<

On a lighter note, things at JWSS for me have been going pretty smoothly. The project is quite challenging but still doable la. Just hope we can finish it in time. I don't think I'm going to do much teaching there. Maybe go in for 1E3 in my third week there lor. Although it's an express class but still can be quite challenging to teach, especially given some of the students there aren't really all that easy to handle and my poor mentor gets bullied sometimes. But I'm also quite impressed with my mentor la. Given that she's considered a smaller sized person she can actually be quite fierce and loud when she wants to. I like her sec 4N4 class. They're revising for their 'N' levels now and some of them are really quite behind. Some of the students there are really the kind that I want to help. I don't know if it sounds too idealistic or what but these are the students who really need someone to be there for them, especially since this class has already been split into half and this half that my mentor is taking is the weaker half, so the standard really is quite terrible. Oh well, see how things go ba.

And 2 weeks after my attachment ends, year 3 sem 1 will start for me le. My dear chemistry department has decided it hasn't screwed up my life badly enough and wants to screw me even further, so they've put Prof. Lai in the organic spectroscopy module, as if to further deter people from choosing that module, as if the percentage of the cohort interested in organic wasn't low enough already. =.= But thankfully, for my other modules, like Japanese 4 and forensic science, none of the exam dates, lectures or tutorials clash, so I will be able to take the electives I want. Now it all boils down to whether I will choose solid state or organic. I was already dead set on organic but now that Prof. Lai has been brought in it really makes me SERIOUSLY consider taking solid state, especially since the timeslot is much friendlier and seems less intimidating than Prof. Lai. After all, I've heard enough of horror stories about Prof. Lai to last me a lifetime. Hahaha.

Looks like I don't have affinity with you anymore. Should I be happy about that?