I'm surprised my blog still had 115 readers last month. Wonder if these readers actually stopped by on purpose to check out my blog or just so happened to click on the wrong link. Hahaha. But whatever it is, to all who have stopped by to read my rambles, many thanks to you all! =D

Went out with Zai Wei today for a LONG OVERDUE catch up session. I haven't had the chance to meet up with him since he entered poly and I'm really really REALLY shocked by his level of maturity in his thinking.

To be honest, my impression of him took a down turn when I saw him at the CTSS carnival. Couldn't believe that he had physically become somebody like that. But today, after meeting up with him, I found that I developed a huge sense of respect for him. The Zai Wei I met today looked more like the one I first knew in sec 2 and I can safely say, after all he's been through, he's really grown a lot. Not just physically, mind you, though the physical part is hard to ignore when he's 185 cm tall. XD

But honestly, he's got me thinking about a lot of things. Really. And the best thing is, a large part of what he advised me on regarding my own problems actually tied in quite well with Sensei's guidance that is related to my problems.

I don't emo like mad over relationship problems anymore like I used to but what he told me today really struck a chord in me. Instead of feeling emo and sentimental, why not channel that energy into becoming somebody better? Somebody more desirable to love? Someone who deserves to be loved? These words really struck me today. Not only did Sensei say them, but having a junior point that out to me really made me think a lot. Have I been someone who deserves to be in a relationship? If I'm in a relationship, will I be able to talk to my girlfriend about anything and everything? Will she be interested in what I have to say? Will I have anything interesting to say? What kind of a person am I? What kind of a person do I want to develop into in this relationship? What have I achieved in life? Because of what he's been through, he bothers to think about these questions. Maybe it's time I did too and work to become a better person, someone worthy of being loved.

We also shared a lot of other things today, so won't say it all out here but I do wanna say that I'm surprised we still managed to have a 3 hour long conversation, despite the fact that we haven't seen each other for so many years. The funniest thing was that we only got to know each other through one band practice in secondary school. He stopped coming after that and went into sports and I remember trying so hard to get him to come back to band, but all to no avail. Haha. Those were the days (omg, that makes me sound so old!).

There's Chingay training later!!!!! Looking forward to seeing my participants after 1 whole week of not meeting with them. RAWR! XD

I wanna perform something for my C8 at the next Chingay participants' meeting!!!!!! XD Thanks to NUSWS band camp, I've become super addicted to 那些年... Kudos to Eugene for helping me write out the score!!!! And I wanna perform this for my C8 at the next Chingay participants' meeting, to thank them for being such great participants and also to encourage them to come for the participants' meeting, cuz my group's attendance for it is always very low =( Wonder if I'll be able to have this chance... >.<

And now I'm having some slight withdrawal symptoms after band camp this year. Sadly, I missed the first day but the second and last day made up for it! Had a great time talking cock and stuffing my face at the BBQ on the second night! And I can't believe I actually dared to perform 那些年 during the ensemble performances despite only seeing the score only on the day itself, in bass clef some more. But still, it was an enjoyable performance!!!! =D

Ktv and dinner after that was simply AWESOME!!!!!! I think the ppl who went for ktv with me saw a side of me they've never seen before. HAHA!!! But it was really GREAT FUN!!! And chilling out during dinner with the guys was totally the right choice. The way we ate so much for under $10 was really amazing. That kind of food and atmosphere beats restaurants like Swensens' any day. XD

School without studying is great! XD Hope my holidays don't pass so fast.

I'm proud to say I didn't think of you during band camp at all.

Some stories and endings are cliche but sometimes we don't pause to think about why they are cliche and why they have come to be cliche to us. Isn't it because it's something that we all wish for? When a story doesn't have a happy ending, we feel something's not right, because we always expect everything to turn out the way we expect it to. But when it does, one of the first few things that people say about it is, "It's cliche." We're hard to please.

Had a great time with my dearest C8 participants today, as I always have! =D Although today was unfortunately an indoor training and the attendance was quite poor, we still managed to have a pretty good training! Although I feel I intimidated a few of the YWDs who got posted to my group today during split training. Hope they don't feel traumatized. Hahaha!

I must be crazy to say this but I'm actually excited about next semester, provided I get the modules I want. In addition to my core modules, I wanna read Japanese 5 and Gender Studies! If I really can get that, it means I'll be 60% Arts student and 40% Science student next semester, even though I'm a Chemistry major. Haha. By the looks of what's on IVLE, I think I can safely say Hamasaki Sensei is definitely teaching Japanese 5 next semester like he mentioned during TA class. WOOHOO!!!!! =D And the best thing is, I HAVE NO LAB NEXT SEMESTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =DDDD No USELESS lab reports to weigh me down next semester. Totally shuang! XD


Missing you is, thankfully, becoming easier and easier. I no longer think endlessly about you. However, it doesn't mean I don't think about you. I still do, just like during Chingay today. Hope we can have a proper conversation soon, rather than those disjointed sms convos that we used to have.


Sometimes, I really wish I could stop living in the past. I really need to come to terms with the fact that I will never be able to relive those times that we had so many months back. Those were really beautiful memories, memories that I really, really treasure. And that's my problem, I indulge in them so much that till now, I still have yet to let go, though I should have, a long time ago.


After gaining the wisdom to see things a short while after SYM ended, I never prayed to be with you, though, in all honesty, that was truly what I wanted. I know that if we were meant to be together, we would have. But I knew, all I wanted was for you to be truly and absolutely happy. And if I'm not the one to be able to help you achieve it, I will accept it. But accepting it and letting go, for me at least, are really two different matters.


I've always wanted nothing but absolute happiness for you. And that's what I've always prayed for you. For you, at this moment, to truly be happy with yourself. You disliking certain things yourself, that are, as declared by SO many people around you, perfectly fine, really breaks my heart. Because you can't seem to see yourself for the beautiful person that you are, inside and out.


They say time heals all. I'm sure I'll eventually be able to let go. What am I holding on for anyway? I also don't know. Haha. But I do know, time will heal. It's just a matter of how much is needed.


And since I seem to be on an emo spree today, I'll let loose everything. I've always wanted to tell you how I truly feel inside, face to face. That episode by Kelvin didn't count. In fact, it really messed me up inside very very badly. You told me that he meant well and that a friend like him is hard to come by. I agree. Totally agree. But it doesn't change how I felt about it after that. And it hurt. Bad.


Sometimes seeing Bi Neng and Audrey together in my group makes me really jealous and Bi Neng coming up to me and asking me if I could pair him up with Audrey or not just now made me smile. They really look very happy and blissful together. I wish I could be in a relationship like that. Wishful thinking TTM! XD


I still miss you.

I care about what you say because you're my friend... and a good one at that.

I don't like arguing, nor do I like quarreling, though I can have a sharp tongue when I want to.

Training today drained quite a bit from me. First time I shout until this kind of extent. Once again, I don't shout because I'm scolding. I shout simply for clarity.

Can't wait for exams to be over. But still have two more. T_T

I really feel so tired, both mentally and physically. But I know this is good training for me. I just really hope all this training will eventually pay off.

Feeling emo again all of a sudden. Must be insufficient serotonin in my body. Chocolate time. XD

I've been watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch on youtube A LOT recently and I'm really happy with the way the final season ended. It actually made me tear. Haha. Though I was REALLY REALLY PISSED OFF with the fact that Aunt Zelda and Aunt Hilda weren't present in the final season. Those two were my favourite characters!!!!!!

Long time never write such a disjointed entry le. Signing off.

Suddenly miss you again. Even dreamt about you a couple of days back. Poked your head for fun today during training. Hope you didn't feel -.^ haha. So much I wanna tell you. So much I wanna share with you. Wonder when I'll have the chance. =(

Ok, so the start of exams is a mere 4 days away and as usual, as it has been for the past 4 semesters, I'm feeling super unprepared. I tried practising spectro questions last night and I nearly broke down in frustration. Can't imagine what kind of hell I'm going to go through when I see Prof. Lai's questions in front of me. =\

And to top it all off, I've been experiencing chest pains. This time, it's not going away, for some reason. I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that it's purely due to the stress that I've been facing and not any other factors. I can totally see myself keeling over and collapsing during CM3221's final exam after seeing the questions.

This must be due to my determination to do well for this semester. And maybe I've been too caught up in getting the grades. Bee Ling told me before, "Don't worry about the grades. Enjoy what you're studying and the grades will naturally come." She was speaking from her own experience and I want to be able to experience that too. I'm not kidding when I say I love CM3221's content. I really do. It's one of the rare few times that I feel that I'm actually doing chemistry. I just wish that I didn't have to struggle this hard just to keep my head above water.

It's also sad that I won't be attending Chingay trainings this week. I really need to devote my time to my studies. Hey, don't look at me like that. It's painful for me too ok, especially since this week we're supposedly having more time for revision of steps and I won't be able to be there to guide my participants through it. Totally love my group to bits la seriously. C8 FTW!!!!! =D

All right, enough bitching. Back to mugging for forensic science. Fingers crossed.